


No Sound but the Wind

by azareth



Category: Terra Nova (TV)
Genre: Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Comfort/Angst, Dinosaurs, Drama & Romance, F/M, Major Character Injury, Not Canon Compliant, Older Man/Younger Woman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-08 00:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 53,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21226505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azareth/pseuds/azareth
Summary: Renée Pascal is a brilliant scientist from Chicago who is recruited for Terra Nova, after spending the last decade of her life compiling and publishing research while in a sickbed. Ready to live a new, healthier life among the colonists, she is welcomed by the charismatic and intimidating leader of Terra Nova, Commander Nathaniel Taylor, who seems to take an interest in her abilities shortly after Malcolm, head of the research team and Renée’s sponsor, personally introduces them.Just as Renée adjusts to working in the research facility and assisting Dr. Elisabeth Shannon at the hospital, she is asked by Commander Taylor to join OTG missions and investigate strange pathogens that leave people raving. This new life, set 85 million years in the past, with its prehistoric dangers lurking at every corner, is not exactly what she envisioned, but it’s certainly far more exciting than polluted Chicago, especially considering her suspicions that Commander Taylor’s interest in her might just be romantic.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is an original take on Terra Nova (TV), centering on O.C. Renée Pascal, her recruitment to Terra Nova, and a developing relationship with the charismatic yet complicated leader of Terra Nova, Commander Taylor, a man more than 20 years her senior.
> 
> Many aspects of Terra Nova season 1 have been discarded and replaced with new situations, but there are some scenes which come directly from the show (like Zoe with the dinosaurs) that have been re-imagined to feature Renée instead.
> 
> The story is told entirely from Renée's perspective. As a character, Renée is inspired by Lucas Taylor/Maddy Shannon, for her brains, Elisabeth Shannon for her accomplishments, and is imagined to resemble Nathalie Emmanuel. She comes accross as a bit naive in the beginning in order to show her growth by the end.
> 
> The first few chapters of this work were written in 2012 and subsequently abandoned for 7 years. As a result, the latter half of the work will have a different feel, and more complex/interesting pacing. I'm just happy to have come back to it and finished it after so long. Feedback welcome!

**Name:** Renée Pascal  
**Gender:** Female  
**Age:** Twenty Nine (29)  
**Height:** 5’3”  
**Eyes:** Brown  
**Hair:** Thick, curly brown  
**Complexion:** Olive  
**Occupation:** Scientist, Physicist/Chemist, Author, Genius

**Physical Appearance:** Renée is petite, good looking, with a defined jawline. She needs glasses to see and she wears horn rimmed half frame glasses, either in black or brown. For general physical reference, see Nathalie Emmanuel. 

**Personality:** Like Maddy Shannon, she sometimes has the nervous disposition of someone who knows more than they should about something. Renée is incredibly smart, caring and compassionate. She has an inner emotional strength that seems easily shaken, but is in fact quite resilient and empathetic. She is very inexperienced in relationships and has never been in one. She tends to ramble but usually knows when to reel herself back. She believes in second chances no matter what anyone has done, and is always willing to help others in need. She can be shy and quiet, but can also be outspoken in certain situations.

**History:** Renée was born around the year 2120 and orphaned at a young age, growing up in various foster facilities and homes in Chicago. It is believed she may have been the ‘illegal’ child of a Francophone couple, violating the Population Law capping families of the new world at 2 kids. From childhood, Renée showed a brilliance of mind and an aptitude for math and science. People said she was gifted and often referred to her as a genius. She grew up with chronic bronchitis, asthma, and a host of other respiratory illnesses which grew worse with the extreme levels of pollution in Chicago.

In spite of her poor health and the circumstantial setbacks of foster care, Renée thrived in school, graduating highschool at 13. She was one of the youngest citizens to be invited for attendance at MIT, where she completed an undergraduate degree with honors in Nanotechnology by the time she was 16. She remained in Massachusetts and pursued a Masters degree in Astrophysics and a Ph.D in Biomedical Physics at Harvard and Boston University respectively. While she completed her degree, her health took a turn for the worse and she was repeatedly in and out of hospitals, thanks to the medical insurance provided by the institutions.

Renée returned to Chicago after graduating, in part because her health grew worse and she could not keep steady work. At 20, she dedicated herself to research and writing, and applied for a fund in the city of Chicago to benefit from subsidized medical care. At 21, Renée checked into a hospice permanently, because it was no longer safe for her to live alone. She continued her work there and became friends with one of the staff, Eleanor, an elderly woman who later became her caretaker. Thanks to this woman, Renée’s research and work gained attention and soon, she was a published author in spite of the fact that she lay dying a little faster every day. 

Eleanor eventually retired from her position at the hospice, offering to care for a 24 year old Renée in her home until her final days. Living with Eleanor was peaceful and less lonely than the hospice. The old woman was kind and more of a mother than Renée had ever known. 

Being one of the last living geniuses in the United States, Renée was recruited for Terra Nova two years later, but she was unaware of it, as the official notice was sent electronically to the hospice, her last known address. After two repeated attempts, a physical letter was forwarded to Eleanor’s address. Renée did not respond and declined the offer, thinking the journey alone would kill her. But when she lived to see her 29th birthday, Renée, encouraged by Eleanor, agreed. Having her in Terra Nova would be like having a physicist, a chemist, a researcher, and a doctor’s assistant all in one go, so long as she survived the journey.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On her last day in 2149, Renée prepares to leave her old and sick life behind, for Terra Nova.

Renée woke that morning feeling no different than usual. It hurt to take a small breath and it hurt to take a deep breath. She lay still on her soft bed and listened to herself wheeze like a broken down machine. Though this morning felt no different than any other morning of the past decade of her life, today was a new day. Today, she was to walk through a portal that would take her 85 million years in the past, to a new place called Terra Nova, as part of the 11th Pilgrimage.

They were there to restart civilization. When the project was first launched and people were chosen by lottery, Renée did not deem herself one of the lucky candidates. After all, what chance did a sick woman stand against the thousands of other healthy, active (and rich) people who gained a spot in the lottery? So when word came that she had been recruited, she realized this was a second chance for her, a second chance at life. 

The letter read that she would be a perfect fit for the clinic as well as the science team at Terra Nova, because of her accomplishments at such a young age and the books she had written while sick. 

_“Also, Ms Pascal, you will find that living in Terra Nova is quite different than 2149,”_ the letter read. _“Here the air is unpolluted, and pure, a natural cure for your illness, which is caused and made worse by the destruction of Chicago.”_

It was true. She knew the chemicals in the air that made her sick, they had always been around and made a number of other people across the country fairly ill. She had been on medication all her life to help ease the effects. The irony of it all was that the very compound which affected her so, could be used for such good: for instance if mixed correctly with other molecules, one could create veils of blue molecules which in turn keep pollution out of the air. Unfortunately in Chicago, the compound was used in factories to make acid, and plexi computers, and since none of the people dying from it had any power, the compound kept being used and Renée kept dying on a slow, cruel basis.

In her room, the light came on from outside. Eleanor must have known she was awake, because she checked on her every half hour in the mornings.

“Morning, dear,” the old woman said sweetly, making her way to the bed to help the woman begin her day. 

Renée smiled weakly and gave a small sigh in response.

“It’s a big day today,” Eleanor went on, used to making most of the conversation, considering how weak Renée was. “By this time tomorrow, you’ll be in a place with real trees, like they had when my granny was about your age.” 

She reached for Renée and lifted her from the bed into a wheelchair. Renée had been unable to get places on her own for quite some time, growing thin enough for an old woman to support, particularly in the morning when she’d had nothing to eat. She could certainly walk but it was a big strain on her lungs. Briefly, Renée wondered how she would walk through the portal to Terra Nova.

“Don’t worry about today, love,” Eleanor said, pushing her to the bathroom. “You’ve been assigned a helper just for the journey. I met her the other day, she’s very kind. Her name is Joan. She’ll be giving you a hand walking and you’ll pass through the portal together.”

Eleanor laughed, handing her a toothbrush, and removing the breathing mask Renée wore to bed.

“I still wish it was you coming along with me,” Renée muttered, then began to brush her teeth. 

After a quick scrub sitting down, and with Eleanor’s help, Renée was back in her bed. The breathing mask was on and she sat naked on the piles of white blankets. She watched as the old woman showed her how she had packed her bag, with things she might need, some nice clothes and other every day outfits she could wear to work. She watched in silence, her breath coming more easily now, but still hurting her chest. She looked down and stroked her ribcage.

“I’m going to miss you,” Renée said suddenly, her words muffled through the mask.

“Oh, my dear, I’m going to miss you too,” the old woman said, as she came closer with the clothes Renée was to wear that day. She removed the mask and pulled a white t-shirt over her head, then a dark blue sweatshirt over it. “But I am so happy you are going. It really is such a fantastic opportunity for you there. I knew a genius like you wouldn’t go unnoticed.”

“Why didn’t you enter the lottery?” Renée asked for the thousandth time. Eleanor was the only sort of family she had and she would have liked to see her properly retire in the new world.

“Because, dear, Terra Nova has no need for an old woman like me; what can I do there? I can’t have children anymore, the only job I’ve ever had has been taking care of people who need it.”

“Like me.”

“You’re special, Renée. Now, when you go, remember to always show kindness and compassion and help those you can. Heed my words and, no matter where you are or what you do, your life will always have meaning.”

“I’m sure they’d love to have an older woman at Terra Nova,” Renée said stubbornly.

“I’m sure they would! But I’m better off in 2149. This is the world I know and I’d like to die here at peace, after I’ve helped as many people as possible.”

“You should really use this chance to retire, Eleanor,” Renée said. “Anyway, I heard the man charge of Terra Nova is an older man.” She stretched out her legs so Eleanor could pull the jeans up.

“And I am sure he is a fine gentleman,” Eleanor laughed. She cupped the Renée’s cheeks and looked at her sadly. “This is your chance, dear. I am so happy for you. Since I met you, I’ve prayed every night for you to get better, for God to give you a chance to live. Someone your age shouldn’t die so young. Not like this. And when the letter of your recruitment finally came along to us, I knew my prayers had been answered.”

She planted a kiss on Renée’s forehead and the woman reflected how lucky she’d been, in spite of all her suffering. Eleanor was a good woman and her faith warmed and comforted Renée’s heart. She would miss her desperately.

“Now!” Eleanor said cheerfully, “how about breakfast? You’re leaving in a couple of hours and Joan will be by to pick you up soon.”

Renée nodded and lowered herself in the wheelchair to make it easier for Eleanor to see her to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor's doting was inspired by Molly Weasley.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renée and Joan make it to Hope Plaza, where they cross the portal into Terra Nova, traveling 85 million years in the past.

Saying goodbye to Eleanor was the hardest thing she’d had to do after breathing. As she sat in Joan’s car with her mask on, she said a little prayer for Eleanor to live a long life and continue to do what she loved. She would miss her. They were at Hope Plaza in no time. Joan helped Renée walk. It was a strain because of the backpack she carried. Though Eleanor had packed light, Renée was not used to carrying anything other than her breathing pumps. As they walked she began to feel her feet cramp up a bit. They entered the main hall of Hope Plaza and had their IDs checked. Joan confirmed with a man that she was to go through the portal with Renée, because the ill woman needed help moving. 

It all seemed like a very busy dream with lots of blue lights and people everywhere. When it was their turn to go through the portal, Renée paused and looked back at 2149 one last time.

“That’s the old world. The new one awaits us. A better life for both of us,” Joan said. “You ready?”

Renée looked at her worriedly, tempted to remove her rebreather right then and there forever. They made exceptions for people like her to carry it through the portal. Instead, she smiled beneath the clear breathing aid and nodded. They stepped through the portal and blinding white lights flashed everywhere, prickled erupting intensely all over her skin. Briefly, Renée wondered whether dying was similar to this, stepping into the light. She knew something was wrong when the bright lights did not stop flaring even after the loud thrum of Hope Plaza had been left behind to be replaced by strangers voices and… wildlife?

She opened her eyes and found she was on her knees, her arms still wrapped around Joan. Squinting, she stared at the bright greenery all around her, barely able to make anything out considering how bright it was here. Suddenly she was racked by an intense cough and doubled over painfully, as her rebreather began to fill with blood. 

“We need help!” Joan shouted, as Renée fell in a fit of deep wheezing in her mask. 

A woman rushed to her and unfastened it, checking Renée’s vitals and assessing her neck. In an accent, the woman said, “She’s not used to the air here. None of the pilgrims are. She’s going to need a shot.”

“No, you don’t understand,” Joan gasped softly. She too was starting to have a reaction to the air. “She’s very sick but the air here…is supposed to help.”

The doctor frowned at that, injecting Joan with the substance first to her stabilize her. Then, turning to Renée, she pulled the mask off fully and said, “Listen to the sound of my voice. Can you do that?”

Renée nodded so the doctor went on, “Now, take deep breaths through your mouth. Don’t overdo it, just nice and slow. Very good. I’m going to give you a small dose of this. If what your friend says is true, the whole thing might kill you.”

Renée nodded, her vision darkening in spite of how she tried to breathe. It would be pathetic to have come all this way only for life to give out on her. Once injected the effect took some time to kick in. But Renée felt herself growing calmer and breathing wasn’t so difficult anymore. She took a deep one and blinked, her blurry vision clearing back up through the glasses. 

“What’s your name?” the British doctor asked.

“R-Renée,” she answered weakly.

The woman smiled in recognition. “Renée Pascal, yes. Welcome to Terra Nova,” she said.

With Joan’s help, Renée was handed over to a different nurse to check on her. It seemed a lot louder here than Hope Plaza, but in a different way. Strange animals flew overhead and Renée could have sworn she saw the shadow of a pterodactyl.

By the time they reached the actual camp that made up Terra Nova, Renée was just about ready to collapse. She was breathing decently -- her breath coming in short and quick bursts, -- but this was the most normal she had ever experienced, without the help of some machine or inhaler, and her back and legs ached from all the walking she was not used to. They were cramping up pretty badly and her knees gave out a couple of times, but luckily Joan was always nice enough to get her back up.

Inside the wooden gates of the large camp stood military men, armed to the teeth, and regular folks going about their business or welcoming the three hundred or so newcomers. For some reason everyone in the eleventh pilgrimage ended up gathered around the main square, and stood around waiting for something. After a while of not understanding why they just stood there, and really wanting to sit down for a bit, Renée turned to Joan whose arm was still around her in support.

“What are we doing here?” she asked, frankly exhausted.

Joan looked distracted when she answered, “Waiting for Taylor.”

“Who?” Coughing a bit, Renée sighed deeply. She tried to follow Joan’s searching gaze but gave up pretty quickly.

“Taylor. Apparently he gives a nice speech every time a new pilgrimage arrives. After that we head to the clinic to get checked out and go home.”

Still, Renée frowned. “Who the hell’s Taylor?” she asked, hearing her voice louder than the other’s as the whole square quieted down. 

They all looked up at the balcony of a massive wooden house, where a burly looking man presided over them. He was dressed like the others army guys and armed, but not as heavily as them. Renée saw a gun holster strapped and packed to his thick chest and some other weapons and tools, like a radio, at his trim waist. There was an air of importance about him, a certain gravitas, like he'd honed the ability to make people take notice of him and listen. He seemed like the kind of person that caught the attention of people in any room he walked.

“Citizens of 2149,” he spoke up in a strong voice, looking at the crowd. “I’m Commander Nathaniel Taylor.”

“That’s Taylor,” Joan said to her with a smile.

“Of course _that’s_ Taylor,” Renée said, frowning. 

She felt a little stupid, so she consoled herself by studying the Commander. This was the man she and Eleanor had spoken of. Renée had expected a wizened elder type, a nice looking governor, wrinkled beyond recognition like a fictional character. On the contrary, Commander Taylor was in top shape, about 20 years younger than she’d anticipated. Everything about him was defined, from those arms that flexed as he seized the balcony, to the well trimmed, salt and pepper beard covering his prominent jaw.

“Congratulations,” Taylor went on. “Each one of you has taken a first step just as I did eight years ago toward a new beginning. Together, we are at the dawn of a new civilization. No pressure…”

There was a pause during which people beside Renée laughed, maybe a bit uncomfortably. Taylor did too and Renée pursed her lips, not making anything of the statement. She was more reflective and would mull over these words much later on. 

“The world you left behind fell victim to some of the baser instincts of our species: greed, war, _ignorance_. We blew it. We destroyed our home. But we have been entrusted with a second chance. A chance to start over.”

Renée took a deep breath at those words, feeling them weigh on her chest. It was the reason she was here, a new beginning, a chance at a new life 2149 could not offer her.

“A chance to get it right,” continued Taylor. “Welcome to Terra Nova folks! Welcome home.” 

_Home._

The word lingered with Renée and filled her with insurmountable solace. At last, she was home. As the crowd began to clap, Renée’s eyes tingled with tears, of what, she could not tell. When they flowed freely down her cheeks, she wiped them hurriedly with the back of her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Taylor's speech is identical to the one delivered in the show, as I figure he gives the same speech to each Pilgrimage. The only change is the Pilgrimage number.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renée spends some time recovering from the journey at the clinic. She meets Elisabeth Shannon, her sponsor/new boss Malcolm Wallace, and has a surprise visitor.

Once at the clinic, Renée lay in a bed and was able to relax. For the first time in a long time, she lay in a hospital without the feeling of imminent death or discomfort. She hadn’t eaten real food yet but had been given a drink which would make her body used to real food again.

She fell asleep, woke up, then fell asleep again. Day turned into night, and her nurse changed, and once it was day again, there was a different nurse and the British doctor from the day before.

“Good morning, Renée,” the woman said kindly.

Hoisting herself into sitting, Renée offered her a smile, saying, “Hi, Dr. ...?”

“Shannon,” she said, quickly adding with an outstretched hand, “call me Elisabeth. It’s so nice to properly meet you.”

Renée shook it, finding it soft and supple. “Yeah, you knew who I was yesterday.”

“Yes, well,” Dr. Shannon smiled, “you’re all Malcolm’s been talking about for the past month.”

That name sounded familiar and Renée worked quickly to recollect it. “Malcolm... He’s the one who recruited me, isn’t he?”

“Indeed, I am.” A tall, lanky man with brown hair and a beard, approached her bed area. “Hello Renée, I’m Malcolm Wallace, chief science officer here at Terra Nova. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Renée smiled more broadly at him, noting he had the same accent as Elisabeth. He reminded her of the host to those old animal and nature discovery shows for children, the ones who always had vaguely Australian accents, wore khaki everything, and were really excited about science. She loved guys like that. She could have hugged this dorky man, her savior. Instead, she sat up straighter in the bed and extended her hand toward him.

“It’s so nice to meet you. I-I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me,” she stammered.

“No need.” Malcolm withdrew his hand after shaking hers, tucking it in his pocket and seemingly verging on shyness. “It is I who should be thanking you for agreeing to come at last.”

“I never received the first two notices,” she admitted, “because the hospice never forwarded them. Though… even after the third, I wasn’t sure I’d be strong enough for the journey. The air in 2149 was killing me. Literally. I couldn’t come any sooner, because frankly, I didn’t think I’d live this long.”

“Yes, I’d heard that…” Malcolm made an uncomfortable face, casting Dr. Shannon a look. When he appraised Renée again, it was to say, “Well, it’s a good thing you’re here now. Rest up, why don’t you? You’ll have excellent care here and you can start on the medical or research team any day you’d like.”

“I can start tomorrow,” Renée blurted out. 

She felt overwhelmed with gratitude and wanted to be as useful as possible. Malcolm and Elisabeth shared a laugh and they both agreed she’d need some more rest for her lungs to adjust to the air here. That's when a third voice joined in with a soft, deep laugh. Elisabeth and Malcolm parted to reveal Commander Taylor, who was closeby, though she did not know how long he’d been standing and listening in. He approached the area with his eyes on her, yet he spoke to Malcolm.

“She seems eager to work for you, Malcolm,” he said. To Renée, he added, “I wouldn’t be if I were you.”

Commander Taylor tried to lighten the mood with a smile and a playful wink at Renée. That’s when she saw his eyes for the first time. They were a cool, vivid blue, very much like ice, and she intuitively understood there could be a hardness to those eyes that would be difficult to forget or easy to resent. It made her wonder what kind of leader he was for Terra Nova. Judging from the looks Dr. Shannon and Malcolm exchanged at his surprise entrance, he seemed like a man who got his way around here.

To avoid further awkwardness, he outstretched a hand and said, “I’m Commander Taylor.”

His thick palm was rough and encompassing. A slap on the cheek from such a meaty paw would probably draw blood. This was the hand of a king, designed to wipe a smirk clean from the face of a smug prince.

“Renée. Renée Pascal,” she said quickly, shaking his hand in return. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you. You were at the top of a very short list Malcolm submitted more than once,” Taylor said.

Renée gave a nervous laugh which felt a little too loud and covered it up with a cough. “Yeah, so I’ve heard. Just,” she returned her attention to Malcolm, “what is it that I’ll be doing when I ‘start’?”

“Well, it’s always useful to have brilliant minds around,” he answered. “That’s the beauty of being someone like you. I have an opening on my science team as lead researcher and you would be working directly under me.”

Elisabeth smiled and finished Malcolm’s thought: “There is also a need for a medical assistant to bridge the gap between the science team and the clinic. Previously, this was my job. But I’ve been offered a chance to lead the doctors of Terra Nova and, as much as I like to think so, I can’t do it all.” 

Malcolm rubbed his hands together. “Short answer? Whatever you like. But the long answer, Renée, is you’ll get to do a lot of meaningful work here. I can assure you that. We can’t waste a genius, can we?”

Renée giggled softly, saying, “You flatter me.”

“Doesn’t he,” Commander Taylor chimed in. His frigid gaze was locked on her - had it been this entire time? There was a soulfulness to those eyes which Renée could not place, or look away from. “I sure hope he was right about everything he said about you.”

There was a high expectation in that alone - and that’s when she knew there had to be a catch to her recruitment. When Renée nodded, Taylor told her, “Once you’re discharged, one of my men will be waiting outside to show you to your new place. Good day. Malcolm, Dr. Shannon.”

They all watched him leave and soon after Malcolm left to head back to the lab, leaving Dr. Shannon and Renée alone.

“Personal welcome from Taylor himself,” Elisabeth said. “Don’t see that around every day. Of course, we had something similar, but the circumstances were different. Bit illegal, if you will.”

Renée sighed deeply, letting go of a breath she hadn’t realized she held. “Is he always that intense?”

Dr. Shannon took a moment to think about that and said, “He is. But in your case, you’re the first to arrive by repeated, personal invitation. Malcolm can be quite persistent and he butts heads with Taylor fairly often.”

“It’s a lot of pressure, now that I’m here.”

“You’re not alone, Renée,” Dr. Shannon said kindly. When she saw Renée was still unnerved, she added, “Tell you what, once you’re all settled out of here, come by mine for dinner? You can meet my husband and kids.”

“I…” Renée smiled, “I’d love that, Dr. Shannon, thank you.”

Dr. Shannon shook her head, in a ‘no thanks necessary’ manner. “Please, it’s Elisabeth. Now, I’m just going to perform a few more tests, and you’ll be all set to get some more rest. You’ll be on a mild inhaler for about a month but I don’t anticipate you needing it much longer than that, alright?”

Renée nodded gratefully and reclined, still thinking about what Taylor had said, and what he meant by it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renée moves in to her unit and encounters some friendly and extremely tall neighbors.

Her home, an unpainted one bedroom unit, was a comfortable size. Per 2149 standards though, it was huge. A kitchen was to the left of the hallway from the door, and it opened to a dining room. Across from it was the wide living room, with glass doors overlooking a garden by a wooden veranda. There was nothing growing there yet but Renée had been supplied with a little starter pack of seeds and fertilizer. She’d be able to grow a few things and was more excited over the notion to garden than she might have cared to admit. 

Beyond the living room lay the decently sized bedroom, a closet, and a full bathroom. The windows of the bedroom were large and let loads of light in. It was a good, clear, open space, which allowed for enough privacy as well. In truth, she felt she did not deserve such a great space. A sickly 29 year old scientist like herself could live in a room, and be happy with it. Still, she did not complain. She found that it did not take very long to have all her belongings set up in the closet and drawers. She had few possessions.

Striding through the living room, she set up a few pictures around. One by the living area wall, of herself and Eleanor, and another in the hallway wall, of just Eleanor. The old woman had made her pack physical copies of her degrees, so Renee put those up symmetrically around, otherwise, there was nothing else to hang. Looking around, she thought about eventually painting the walls to give the place a little more life. She was thinking olive green for the walls and white for the doors when the doorbell startled her. She frowned, used to never having any visitors, and surprised that anyone even knew she lived there.

Hurrying to the door, she opened it carefully to find Malcolm.

“H-hi,” she stammered.

“Renée,” he said in response, glancing at what little of her place he could see from the mere crack the door was held open.

Opening up more, she said quickly, “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you? Or… anyone, really.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just thought… do you have a minute?”

Renée tilted her head curiously, not understanding. Malcolm looked at her as if asking her to just trust him and follow him. 

“There’s something I’d like you to see,” he said with a grin.

By the back gate stood a wonder: about 50 feet tall, with long, grey brown necks and small kind eyes, they stood eating from trees that spilled into Terra Nova.

“My God…” gasped Renée, as if in a dream, as she watched the brachiosaurs. She smiled at Malcolm. “They’re truly magnificent. And not dangerous at all, are they?”

“Well, not to us,” he said, pleasantly surprised. “How did you--?” he began asking, then caught himself, as though he knew the answer.

“Brachiosaurs,” she smiled a Malcolm. “Or Genus Brachiosaurus. Their fossils weren’t discovered until the 1900s and those incisors are only good for chomping small lizards, along with leaves and branches, which makes up a large portion of their diet.”

“Indeed.” He looked at her with a pleased and satisfied smirk, like it had been a long time since he did not have to explain himself or anything else. “Once in a while they come grazing on ferns. If you ask me, they do half the landscaping around here.”

Renée laughed out loud at that. “I thought there was an agriculture department,” she said, a delightful smile on her face.

“Yes, well,” Malcolm shrugged, “I don’t know that weeding is their favorite part of the job.”

That made her laugh too. Malcolm’s manner was affable and Renee couldn’t resist.

“They very nicely left me a starter pack of seeds and fertilizer for my garden, you know,” she told him. “I get to grow mint and tomatoes and a bunch of other stuff I never even thought I’d see again fresh, in my lifetime.”

The dinosaurs grunted and shifted about the gate, chomping happily away on the ferns both within and outside the barrier.

“I suppose that’s very nice of them,” Malcolm gave in. “You should have some flora in there too, if herbs don’t interest you.”

Once the creatures were stuffed and lost interest, Malcolm instigated a walk, telling Renée, “I’ve read some of your books, you know. They’re available here through the science databases. Very impressive.”

“Thank you,” she said.

“I’m glad you’re here. It will be good to have someone with your brains around.”

She took the time to look around Terra Nova. Everyone strolling about, minding their own business, seemed content. There was a huge open space that served as a market. People went back and forth, shopping, smelling fruit and enjoying the sunshine. It really did seem like paradise at that moment.

“How long did it take you to complete your latest journal on gas phase astrochemistry?”

She was surprised he knew about even that. “That took me a year, which is very long for me,” she said, after seeing Malcolm’s look of shock and slight disbelief. “Although, I was pretty sick as well, so I could only work in journal format.”  


Malcolm laughed, incredulous. “You’re telling me you could have completed a manuscript in 6 months?”

She blushed innocently, not sure if he believed her. “I do work fast,” she admitted. “When I can focus on something, I dedicate everything I’ve got to it.” 

Malcolm stopped to face her, looking her in the eyes. “That’s incredible.”

Renée shook her head, embarrassed. “It’s not really. I just happen to be a giant nerd who was fairly sick all the time. Turned out to be the perfect excuse not to have a social life.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I recruited you,” Malcolm said. “I think the science team has the most fun.”

He went on to mention being rather keen on nerding out together and Renée would have smiled at such a thing, if it weren’t for the small group of soldiers marching briskly through the market. Her gaze landed on their leader from afar, and long before she could properly see him, Renée found that commanding physique and virility had a easy time keeping her attention. What was it about strong men in uniform? She couldn't wrap her mind about their irresistible allure. Her gaze rose to focus on his face and she realized at the last moment it was Commander Taylor she gaped at like a monkey.

“Malcolm!” he said.

Renée looked away and adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose. She cleared her throat and told herself to keep her eyes down. It was of no use. Commander Taylor practically burst their little bubble by situating himself right beside the chief science officer.

“Commander Taylor,” replied Malcolm. “What can I do for you?”

“Wonder if we could have a word,” he said, adding, “How you doing, doc? Sorry to interrupt.”

That’s when Renée realized he was addressing her. She shot him a quick smile.

“Oh, no worries. I'm great,” she said, “Malcolm was just showing me a couple of Brachiosaurs grazing.”

Taylor had an intense look on his face that made Renée think maybe he hadn’t wanted a detailed answer. She returned her attention to her toes and blushed, her cheeks prickling unpleasantly as they grew warmer, though she could still feel his piercing gaze, like a laser aimed at her skull. 

“Well, I hope you enjoyed that,” Taylor said. “Malcolm?”

“Sure, yeah. Um, sorry,” Malcolm apologized to her, “I’ll see you at work, then? Tomorrow?”

“Yes, first thing,” she replied.

A quick assessment of Taylor proved he was still giving her that intense stare down. There must have been invisible sparks of tension flying between them and Renée awkwardly stammered her thanks to Malcolm for the little dino show.

The men set off and Renée told herself she wasn’t going to watch them go, until her resolve crumbled. At the last moment before they rounded a bend, Commander Taylor sent a parting glance her way. Renée sighed deeply, covered her face with her hands, and made her way back home. There was something about this man. Elisabeth said he was always intense but no way that was entirely true. She couldn’t read him, either, and wondered just what Malcolm had said about her that he hoped would be true. Whatever it was sounded like a tall order and Renée wasn’t entirely sure she’d be able to deliver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is inspired by Zoe feeding the dinosaurs in "Genesis".


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Renée adjusts to her first couple of weeks working, Commander Taylor drops by the lab and she has a profound realization.

The next day, Renée went to work a little nervous but very excited. She was introduced to the various scientists and had a proper tour of the laboratory. The majority of her time was spent with Malcolm, as he gave her a tour, and an easier orientation than the survival basics ones required for pilgrims. The research lab fascinated her. There were insects, ancestral lizards, and other oddities in great glass cases, all under bright white lights that outlined every detail. She felt nearly giddy at the amount of technology the lab held and Malcolm seemed surprised every time she recognized a specific microscope or scanning device. Renée explained that being bedridden for most of her life could not deter her from learning.

“You don’t have to spend your time in a lab anymore to work,” she said, with a thin smile.

Malcolm really seemed pleased at just about everything she said. At times, she would catch him looking at her intently, just after she’d said something in that somewhat frazzled, awkward way of hers. Renée was relearning certain social cues, eye contact and laughing at specific jokes being the most recent two. She didn’t feel any anxieties, thankfully, but sometimes she got carried away in explanations and had to slow down. Malcolm didn’t seem to mind. Actually, he sometimes even looked a bit amused, meeting her halfway in their convoluted discussions.

Around lunch, she took the time to speak with Dr. Shannon. Renée admired her greatly and looked forward to bridging the gap between the lab and the clinic, as Elisabeth said. They planned Renée’s invitation to dine with the family. She spoke fondly of her husband, Jim, and their three children, Josh, Maddy and Zoe, leaving Renée longing for the fantasy of having a family for herself. As an orphan, she’d never truly known the love of a real mother and father, thus there was a hole in her heart that not many had been able to fill.

In the afternoon, Elisabeth asked Renée to shadow her as she saw some patients. Renée had not anticipated the number of things one could get attacked by in Terra Nova. One patient came in with a plant attached to his entire hand. It had to be surgically removed, and his hand had to be treated with high doses of antibiotics to fight off the infection.

Another man came in with a giant bug-like creature on his back, that seemed to be eating away at his flesh. A mixture of blood and pus oozed from the poor man’s back but, in the end, it was easily extracted, and he was assured he’d be fine after treatment and plenty of rest. Dr. Shannon assured Renée that she would be more than happy to have her on board working as a physician assistant, not because she was impressed with her knowledge and her interest in helping out, but because Renée did not in the least seem squeamish by the many revolting things they saw. 

“Sometimes, that makes all the difference,” Elisabeth admitted.

That night, Renée went to bed happy with how her first day of work had gone. She closed her eyes and soon began to imagine something entirely unrelated: Commander Taylor, at the hospital, perhaps coming in sometime while she was on shift. He would lean against a wall and cross his strong arms over his chest. If she was lucky, he might even fix her with those mysterious, deep-set, ice blue eyes. He might even present her with a smile and walk over and... 

Renée’s eyes snapped open. It was still night time. She wondered whether she had actually been dreaming of Taylor. Why she was thinking about him in the first place? He was a much older gentleman, certainly not the kind of man to be occupying her mind… right? Trying to reason with herself did nothing to help as she continued to try and conjure him up in her mind’s eye. His hair was darker in the back than she initially thought. She’d seen it yesterday, it still had a lot of black to grey.

She supposed there was nothing wrong with thinking of him. It was like thinking about an academic crush, right? The older, unavailable professors one could really only impress with curiosity and well written theses. Renée sighed, attempting to think of something else. Instead, she wound up trying to guess how old Taylor was, finding her insatiable curiosity embarrassing. Frankly, Renée was ashamed of herself and, not understanding why, she suppressed her thoughts and went to sleep.

\----------------------------

A week passed and Renée adjusted quite nicely to her new work and life in Terra Nova. The fact that she was mobile and breathing normally every day was still a shock that she did not take for granted. She did not work at the same time every day. Some days she’d get in early to cover for nurses, until Elisabeth got in to see patients. On those days she would start around 6:30 in the morning, and be free by noon to head to the labs.

After lunch she spent time on research, tasks both fascinating and dull. Renée worked fast, which was invaluable for the amount of cataloguing there was to be done. Malcolm was always surprised by the way she finished everything she started well before any deadlines. It allowed her to have fingers in many pots and soon, she showed an interest in being involved in complex projects, which she could facilitate by swooping in and out of the clinic. On the days her hospital shifts were in the afternoon or evening, Renée spent her early starts at the lab. Certain days she had the pleasure of spending entirely on research, sometimes being reminded to eat or drink something by Malcolm.

Overall, Renée felt very comfortable with the pace of work. She was energetic in a way she hadn’t felt in years and eager to excel. The rhythm of work was easy enough to get used to, even with the frequent medical emergencies, so Renée didn’t think there would be much to surprise her after her second week. She could not have been more wrong.

It was midday, though she had been at the clinic since very early in the morning and was entering her second hour at the lab. Her current work space was just a wall away from the main research facility hall. Renée was occupied with a species of fungi in a glass case, busy looking over a small sample through a microscope. She occasionally looked up to record her observations and fill in any blanks on the digital-air screen beside her. From her place, with her back to the entrance, and completely engrossed in her work, Renée never expected the voice drenched in feedback that sounded just behind her.

“Rover to base, we’re set to enter Terra Nova in 10. Over.”

Renée jumped, a few things clattering, and realized someone in the doorway carried the offending radio.

“Sorry about that,” Commander Taylor said.

He stood leaning, thick arms crossed over his unnecessarily broad chest. At first Renée blinked, to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. A packed gun holster was strapped to Taylor, just over his black t-shirt. In all honesty, the shirt looked like it wouldn’t contain his arms if they were to get any bigger. The radio was replaced in the pocket of his army style, cargo pants. Renée hoped he shut that thing off, but it turned out from another message he’d merely lowered the volume.

When she didn’t answer, he added, “I didn’t mean to sneak up.”

“Oh, it’s fine.” Renée remembered how to human. “Don’t worry about it.” 

Slipping off her stool, she adjusted her glasses on her nose and ran a hand over her tied curls, attempting to fix them somehow. Self awareness grasped her at the throat and squeezed, just by virtue of this man standing a few feet away. 

The expression on his face was hard to place. Renée had seen it before, on Malcolm, when she understood a lot of the complex topics he raised and could actually have an interesting conversation about them. On Taylor, the look, a sort of pleasant surprise, was misplaced. Renée seriously hoped there were no crumbs from her lunch anywhere on her mouth. She swiped her hand over her lips just in case.

“I was just looking for Malcolm,” Taylor said. 

“Right, of course,” she said, nodding. He was not here for her. Why would he be? Silly Renée. She checked her watch and said, “I think he should be here any moment.”

Renée turned away from him and began to clean the microscope, for whatever reason needing to do something with her hands. She felt silly, because for a fleeting moment she had dared to hope Taylor had come here to see her. 

“I… If you want, I can tell him you stopped by?” she ventured.

When she turned back, the woman became aware that Taylor had pushed from his position in the doorway and drawn much closer. He stopped by her side and watched what she did for a few moments, before casually motioning toward her work. 

“I’m sorry I startled you, doc…” he said gently. “You seemed so concentrated, I didn’t want to interrupt your work.”

For the first time, Renée saw this man up close and gazed at him without reservation. He looked earnest and it occurred to her that he was, in fact, very handsome, in an old Hollywood charm sort of way, from the last century at least. Commander Taylor was more tan than she had first observed, a permanent coloring that suggested a lot of time on the battlefield… which would make sense.

“Well, then, thank you for saying that,” she replied.

“What are you working on, anyway?” he asked, surprising her. 

“You want to know?”

There was a boyish charm in the way he confirmed his consent, which should have been a sure fire sign that Renée was in real trouble when it came to this man. 

“Sure,” Commander Taylor said, a smile forming. Renée observed a slight, endearing overbite. “I can’t promise I’ll know what you’re talking about, though.”

When she smiled back at that, his blue eyes followed the stretch of her lips. 

“Well,” she said, “since you asked, I was making some progress in cataloguing the plant genome database by observing the molecular makeup of these species.” She swept a finger over the air screen and zoomed in to the details she had been inputting. “This section is for notes and this one is to match what I find with anything currently existing in the database. This is for new entries.”

Taylor was watching her more than that virtual screen, she could tell in her periphery, and Renée found she was just fine with that. 

“And what I was staring at so intently was this.” Renée showed him to the microscope, stepped aside, and gestured that he come over to take a look. “The cell structure is quite complex but very interesting in that it shares a similar pattern to another species already catalogued -- a poisonous strain. We could potentially use these results to cure grave illnesses.”

Commander Taylor repositioned, legs stretching back, his upper body over the table he grasped as he leaned down and squinted into the microscope. She shot his form a look and bit her lip, not understanding how his biceps even existed. He was in the best damn shape she had seen on a man. Honestly, people in 2149 were either starving or morbidly obese. The concept of being in such fine shape was nearly as foreign to her as what it did to her.

“Yeah,” Taylor huffed, “I probably wouldn’t have noticed me coming in, either. Little red suckers dotting about a third of that glass.” 

Once he drew back up and stood at his full height, she saw just how much he towered over her. That made her feel small, almost insignificant. She almost didn’t hear what he said.

“Your eyesight is really good,” Renée commented, initially not as an excuse to stare at his eyes. Up close, they were so much more saturated, as if his creator had cranked up the contrast just a bit more for him. “I usually have to dial the lense in a little to catch those and I wear glasses.”

“Thanks,” Taylor said. “Not a compliment I get often, but hey. Take what I can get.” One of his hands, dressed in fingerless black gloves, gestured at her rims. “Those things pretty strong too, huh?”

Renée was going to answer, if it weren’t for the wave of butterflies that tickled up her stomach which completely made her forget what she was going to say. Perhaps it was his proximity, or the smile playing on his mouth, but her face turned warm and finally, she looked away with a sheepish laugh.

“You alright?” Commander Taylor asked, trying to catch her eye.

“Huh?” Renée nodded. “Yes, I’m good. Why? What is it?”

He hesitated to speak, then shook his head, more so to convince himself, saying, “It’s just… Ah, forget it.”

Renée bit her lip and shuffled back a pace. He was blocking the microscope and her air monitor, so the only thing left to do with her hands was to adjust her glasses.

“Do I scare you?” Taylor asked suddenly.

Her head snapped up, surprised. “Uh, what?”

“Are you afraid of me, doc?”

Renée narrowed her eyes. “Is that a rhetorical question, with the only acceptable answer being ‘I most definitely should be afraid if I’m not already’?”

“No,” Taylor laughed. “What makes you say that?”

Renée smiled tentatively at him, very charmed by the sound he made, and pleased her wit was positively received. “Well, why do you think you scare me?”

“Just seems like you’re a bit… uncomfortable around me,” he said. “But maybe I got this all wrong.”

“I mean, you are kind of intense,” Renée said, gaining courage. She moved away from Taylor to put away some unused glass trays. “I guess that’s the army stuff but it takes some getting used to.”

Commander Taylor stood up straighter, following her with his gaze, and assumed the expression of a man accepting feedback he fully intended to work on.

“Don’t worry, Commander,” Renée said after seeing that, “you won’t catch me running away from you. I believe there’s a plethora of carnivorous dinosaurs to fill that role.”

“Damn straight.”

Renée gazed at him from across the smooth lab workstation, looking him over unreservedly. He had a relieved smile on his face and seemed like he wanted to say something. She beat him to it. 

“You are very tan, you know that?”

“Tan?” Taylor echoed, puzzled.

“That’s right. They say you spent 118 days out here by yourself when they first discovered the time stream?”

“I did.” Commander Taylor leaned upon the workstation again, returning to her eye level, and Renée stopped her pacing. She leaned on her elbows too, engaging in this unexpected tête-à-tête. “That jungle out there, it can be survived. But I’ve seen a lot of battles in my day. Think I picked up the tan in Somalia.”

Renée answered that with a soft ‘ah’, wanting to know more, but she sensed resistance from the man suddenly, as he searched for another topic. His gaze found her and after a moment, he had it.

“You’re pretty tan yourself, doc,” Taylor said.

“Well,” Renée shrugged with her hands, “I’m biracial.”

“Yeah?” Taylor seemed unaware of that. “Your folks back in 2149?”

Renée opened her mouth to speak and hesitated for some time. Taylor began to ask if he’d said something he shouldn’t have.

“No, no,” she gave him a smile. “Actually, I never knew my parents. I think I may have been illegal. Third child when Population Laws capped families at 2. I was given up for adoption pretty young.”

Commander Taylor’s expression changed and he appraised her more seriously. “I’m sorry to hear that. I didn’t know.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t, actually,” Renée said. “You said Malcolm had stuff to say about me. Anyway, doesn’t everyone who gets to come here have a folder?”

“Mandatory background check and family history, yes,” he frowned. “I read everyone’s but, I must have missed that about you.”

“That’s alright,” she said, returning to his side and the airscreen. “There’s a lot about you that’s pretty hard to miss if you ask me.”

Commander Taylor went silent. He gazed at Renée as if he wasn’t sure what to say, like he was not only seeing her for the first time, but he too, was seen. Renée didn’t hear what she blurted out until after she’d said it. Her entire body turned warm and she opened her mouth, her eyes wide.

“I-I’m sorry, that was so inappropriate…” she whispered.

He began to smile and in the distance, Malcolm’s voice filled the laboratory as he made his return. The chief science officer entered to find them standing like that, Renée trying to take back what she said and Taylor looking somewhere south of smug and north of pleased.

“Commander Taylor,” Malcolm declared with a huff. “Not flirting with my lead researcher again, are you?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Taylor said, his eyes lingering on Renée. “Good talk, doc.”

“Yeah.” Renée took a deep breath and turned away, grateful when Malcolm and Taylor finally left the lab. 

For a long time after, she stood there, as if in a trance. Eventually Renée removed her glasses, ran a hand over her face and smiled to herself as it halted at her brow. The inevitable had occurred. She had a crush on Commander Taylor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reworked the conversation in this chapter on a whim. It was initially something about Renée finding Taylor admirable after the scared question, and I realized she's had no reason to form such an opinion yet. Plus, in recently rewatching Terra Nova for the first time in 7 years, it occurred to ME how tan Taylor actually is, say, compared to Jim.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renée is asked to join on an OTG mission where she winds up getting shot.

As time passed, Renée did not see as much of Commander Taylor as she would have liked. Mostly, she kept busy with work and, when not working, she was at home painting and gardening. Her walls inside turned out to be a light shade of olive green, the doors were white and the window shutters were a soft baby blue. If she added anymore colors, her house would look edible. As for the garden, she sowed tomatoes, basil, mint, peppers, and morning glories. Should she follow the instructions carefully, she’d have a blossoming garden all to herself.

She did see the commander once, walking off in a hurry with Jim Shannon, Elisabeth’s husband. He had an impressive scowl on his face and she wondered if something happened, or if it was just the perpetual intensity. Nonetheless, he had not seen her anyway, so she refrained from greeting him. As time passed, she thought less about their past encounter and eventually, she acted like she’d forgotten about it. It lay in the back of her mind and as much as she pretended it would take a lot to conjure up, the next day at the clinic proved quite the opposite.

After losing track of time engrossed in documenting the properties of red frog larvae, Renée left the lab in a hurry. Her knapsack hung carelessly on her shoulder and she walked quickly, endeavoring to pull her mass of curls in a high bun. Upon entering the clinic’s break room to retrieve her scrubs, she was completely oblivious to the hush which had fallen in the room. Several pairs of eyes followed her as she tossed her bag, pulled off her denim shirt, and put on the scrubs shirt over the tank. She stuffed her denim shirt in the locker, draped the pants over her shoulders, and turned. That’s when she saw them. Renée gave a startled yelp, then put a hand to her mouth.

Boy, she was glad she’d not stripped to get into scrubs pants yet.

“S-sorry!” she said instantly, raising a hand as if it were her fault. “I didn’t know you all were…” She looked about the room, her eyes scanning Elisabeth, Jim, Malcolm, and falling at last on Commander Taylor with her last word. “Here.”

He fixed her with a cool stare as Jim explained they were just finishing up. Renée’s thoughts raced, images of Taylor both real and imagined flashing before her eyes. She nodded and began to walk and make her way past them to get to work. That’s when Malcolm spoke up. 

“There’s your answer,” he said. 

Renée glanced at him, not understanding, or caring at first, but she did not miss the look he exchanged with Taylor. They stared back at her and she gave a polite smile, still endeavoring to back slowly away from this situation, somewhat uncomfortable by the idea of all these men having their attention fixed on her. She was nearly out the door when Commander Taylor addressed her. 

“Actually, Doc, I need to talk to you.”

Renée hoped he meant the other ‘doc’, the actual Doctor Shannon. But then Malcolm said her name and she stopped, turned, and confirmed it was her. Renée was not exactly a doctor and she felt the nickname was perhaps a little misfitting, but she wouldn’t tell that to Taylor.

“Uhhh…” she began uncertainly, looking to Malcolm and Elisabeth for approval. “Right now?”

“It’s alright,” Taylor said, rising to make his exit. “I know you’ve got work to do. Why don’t you come by command post when you catch a break?”

“Yes, sir.”

Her gaze dropped when he neared her and she watched him go briefly before turning to Malcolm questioningly. He only shrugged and followed Taylor out, leaving Elisabeth to speak with her husband. Renée took off to the main clinic but thought of little else other than what it was the commander wanted to have a word about.

Later, she crossed the path of a guard just outside of command post, and asked him if Taylor was around. The young man, whose chest tag read REYNOLDS, peered at her suspiciously. He held a rifle to his right and had hair as black as the gloves he wore, with shocking hazel eyes beneath.

“I’m Renée Pascal,” she said, stopping before him. 

“Are you the doctor, ma’am?” he asked after a frown, trying to piece the situation together. 

“Well, I do have a Ph.D,” she said, trying to joke. The soldier didn’t get it. “It’s a doctorate’s… Nevermind. Yes. Yeah.”

“I can take you to him,” Reynolds said. “He just got back from dispatching the evening patrol.”

They went up the massive tree house and Reynolds saw her in, going so far as to announce Renée to a distracted Commander Taylor. His attention was fastened on several air-screens before him and it took him some time to focus on the two newcomers.

“Doctor Pascal, sir.”

“Thank you, Reynolds,” Commander Taylor responded, rising gracefully. “You’re dismissed.” His gaze fell on Renée, who was busy taking in the interior of Taylor’s lair.

His main glass table was held up by a massive dinosaur skull and Renée had the distinct impression Taylor had hunted that thing himself. The rest of the lair was outfitted for… commanding, she supposed. There was technology, storage spaces for weapons, some tables and chairs for meetings. And then was a closed off portion she could not make out.

“Thanks for stopping by,” he said.

Renée flashed him her cutest smile. “Yeah, of course.” 

Taylor spread a palm toward a seat opposite him and Renée took her place. Once they were both seated, he laced fingers before him and scrutinized her in silence. Renée was short enough to be engulfed by the seat when she leaned back. The silence went on for a second too long, during which Commander Taylor seemed lost in distant thought, or perhaps a pleasant recollection.

Renée cleared her throat. “Cool office,” she said. “So, you wanted to see me?”

“Yes.” Commander Taylor looked down at his large hands and Renée could see a thought growing distant in his eyes, replaced by something else. “Earlier, when you walked in the break room, the four of us were discussing an OTG mission occurring tomorrow.” He cast her a glance. “We need a medic. Not that we anticipate any trouble, we just always have one in the crew.”

“What’s an OTG mission?” she asked him.

“Outside the gates,” Taylor replied. “We got a couple of scientists doing field work who’ve been out there about six months. They haven’t contacted Terra Nova in the last 72 hours so we’re just going to check on them.”

“And Dr. Shannon won’t go because Jim is coming along as well, correct?” Renée tested.

“Yes,” Taylor shrugged. “No one to watch the kids. And they’ve tag-teamed before on this kinda thing. We try not to repeat it.”

Renée chuckled and shook her head, feeling nervous. It would be a nice break in her pattern of lab and clinic and she supposed seeing Taylor in action, doing commander stuff, would be a welcome change of scenery. She only had to keep herself in check and make sure she wasn’t staring too much.

“Listen, doc,” Taylor gestured to catch her attention. “I know it’s short notice, but we could really use your help.”

“Oh, yes, of course!” she said quickly. “I was just thinking about something else—entirely unrelated. I’d be happy to. I’m sure Malcolm won’t mind having the lab to himself for once.”

“Particularly because it was his idea,” responded Taylor.

Renée let out a breath, understanding. “Right. I was the ‘answer’.”

Taylor reclined in his seat and relaxed, going back to studying her in that quiet, undecipherable way of his. His blue eyes constantly roved her face, following the way her smile faded and other such details. He was observant, she could tell.

“What’s on your mind, Commander?” she asked him after a while. 

“I was wondering how you find it here,” he said, “at Terra Nova. You seem to be adjusting well.”

“Oh,” she huffed softly. That was unexpected. “Uh, well, it’s nice to be able to breathe properly every day. I’m still on an inhaler - just at night though. And I’ve started to grow my garden. Between that and the work in the lab, I’d say I’m a lucky girl to be here.”

Taylor hummed in response, a rich and cavernous sound.

“I have a second lease on life, Commander Taylor,” she told him. “There is so much that is possible again for me here, you know?”

“I do.” Commander Taylor leaned forward again. “Tell me, doc, how’s your work at the lab coming along?”

“My work?” she shot him a puzzled look. “You mean what I was doing today?”

“Malcolm tells me you work fast, got a lot of projects already under your belt.”

Renée adjusted her glasses and tried to recall the details of the past few weeks. 

“Well, there is a lot to be done here,” she told him. “Aside from the general species discovering, cataloguing, and researching, I’ve begun to work on decoding syncillic fever. We take the inoculation before arriving here but that’s all I have to go on so far.”

Taylor gazed at her intently, interested in this topic. “We lost a lot of good folk to that fever,” he told Renée gravely. “There’s a lot out there that can do us harm, snap our gate like a twig. But the fever did us the worst damage, no doubt about that.”

“I’d like to believe it’s treatable,” she told Taylor. “But it’s a lot more difficult to understand without a live patient.”

“To tell you the truth, doc, you’re the first one to believe out the gates it can be treated.”

Renée smiled softly at him. “Everything can be treated, Commander, whether through technology and science, or a holistic approach. I may not be a medical doctor but I know my chemistry. Our generation underestimates the power of the human mind, and the natural intelligence which has allowed our species and so many others to survive over the years.”

Just because she had been sick for so much of her life did not mean she had no faith. Renée was an optimist and, some would say, an idealist. Commander Taylor looked really impressed. Or maybe he was just entertaining Renée.

“Shucks,” Taylor grunted, “you might just cure cancer while you’re out here.”

He had her with that. She laughed softly and turned her head aside, feeling shy.

“What about you?” she asked him quietly, looking over his defined face. There was experience in those lines, years in that coloring, and a comforting maturity she frankly found very hard to resist. She felt drawn to Commander Taylor, his ‘fine wine’ quality, like a moth to light.

“What about me?”

“What will you accomplish, while you’re here?”

Commander Taylor took a moment to consider such a thing. He rose and asked Renée to join him at the window.

“Look around, doc,” he said, “what do you see?”

She saw people, happy, provided-for people. Healthy, well fed, aware of the dangers beyond the gate but otherwise safe and coping with the environment. This new world with its wonders may have been harsh but it was a far cry from the dying world of 2149. She saw a form of utopia but Renée frowned, because for all its good qualities, Terra Nova was under military rule. Under one man.

“I see a new world,” she told him frankly, biting her lip, “with one man keeping everything together.”

“That’s right,” Taylor answered. “I would do anything for this colony. These people are my family. My loved ones. I want to accomplish what we failed to do in 2149, doc. I want everyone to have a fresh start, restart civilization in the right direction.”

Renée had one disconcerting thought and that was, she sincerely hoped Commander Taylor wasn’t some kind of dictator. His intentions seemed genuine enough but, one could never truly tell. Her gaze lingered on his profile, the greying facial hair that groomed his jaw. Recklessly, she felt the urge to lean up on her toes and deposit a kiss to his cheek. Soon, the commander turned to her and they locked eyes, neither one willing to break the contact. The radio did it for them, as a message about a patrol or something came through for Taylor.

“Copy,” he shot back.

It gave Renée the chance to collect her bearings and blow air from her mouth.

“Sorry, you probably have things to do,” she said. “Was there anything else?”

“No, I shouldn’t hold you up,” Taylor said. “Bring with you anything you think you might need. I know that isn’t much to go on, but we should be prepared for anything.”

She adjusted her glasses and nodded. Commander Taylor walked her out, saying, “We leave at 8h00.”

“Great, I’ll see you in the morning,” she replied. A part of her wished their meeting hadn’t been cut short and she found herself idling for a second.

Taylor, too, opened his mouth as if to say more. Thinking better of it, he frowned instead. Unsure of that had been about, Renée pursed her lips and nodded to herself.

“Okay, then. Goodnight Commander.” 

As she stepped into dusk, she wondered if he watched her leave. Turning around, she found the blue eyes fastened on her back. She waved at him and he raised a stiff hand in response, lips tight in a polite smile.

\---------------------

It was raining hard. She stood in the middle of the road, just across from her quarters, looking up at the sky. She had never seen rain. It never rained in 2149 and her only accounts of it had come from books and old films. She could not feel it very well against her skin but it seemed lukewarm. What she felt were the droplets sliding down her face, running into her hair and ears, soaking her white dress through. Renée took a deep breath, allowing herself to enjoy this simple moment she never dreamed to experience. 

Around the corner, where the entrance to her house lay, a figure walked in a hurry to try and get out of the rain. Upon reaching the door, his heavy fist made a few knocks, and he shifted weights between his feet as water ran down his face. A couple of moments passed and he knocked again, louder this time, to no response. 

Taylor took a step back, placing his hands on his hips and looking confused. Thinking to go around and see whether the blinds were drawn, he stepped away from the entrance and went back in the rain. Before he could reach the side of her house his eyes fell on her. She stood in the rain, eyes closed, palms spread flat and every so often running over her face with the water.

“Doc?” he called out. She did not hear him over the sound of the rain and wind. Taylor stepped closer and spoke again, drawing a startled response from her. “What are you doing out here?”

She half ran towards him in embarrassment. “I was just--” she began, then shook her head, and looked at him with a squint. “What are you doing here?” 

“I was--” he sighed and shrugged his massive shoulders, gaze falling to one side. “I was looking for you. Hey, do you think maybe we could, I don’t know, get out of this rain?” With a thumb, Commander Taylor gestured at her quarters behind him. 

“Right, yes, of course,” she said, quickly scooting past him with her arms crossed.

He followed along and in no time, the two of them sloshed clumsily inside. Renée switched on the kitchen light and made her way for the receiving area it overlooked. Stopping near a chair she turned to find Taylor taking in his surroundings. His eyes were on the living room couch, then upon the dining area to the far right before the open kitchen. His black t-shirt was soaked and sticking revealingly over his body. Renée could not help but gape, realizing his muscles were thicker than she’d expected.

Embarrassed to have him in her home, soaking wet at that, she mumbled, “Would you… mind hanging on just a second? I’m just going to change. And get you a towel or something.”

He waved a hand mildly and turned around to scan the degrees adorning her walls. She returned in a thin robe, with a towel patting her neck and hair. Renée had removed her glasses and squinted about the living room, trying to remember where she put them.

“Here.” She handed Taylor a fresh towel. “Sorry, it’s all I have to offer.”

Taylor wiped his face and neck. He gave his hair a tousle as well. Renée was still looking for her glasses when she decidedly gave up and glanced at him. His bright blue eyes were on her, fixed, as if slowly coming to some sort of realization.

“S-so what did you say brought you by?” she asked hurriedly, busying herself with drying her hair. 

“I was, uh…,” Taylor began, reaching up to his face to rub the remaining rain water from his eyes. “I was wondering if you’d have a look at the Eye. Not—not today, obviously. When you get a chance.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Damned if I know,” he shrugged and she couldn’t help but follow a drop of water leak from his beard down to his collar. “It’s acting up, I don’t know why…” Taylor stopped short.

Renée looked away from him, wishing she had her glasses. Taylor tossed the towel. He took two steps forward and closed the gap between them. He reached for her and Renée went still. Before she knew it, their faces met at the lips. Taylor was hungry, ravenous for her. His hands traveled down to her waist and pressed her to his form, soaking her robe. Speaking of which, the man began to work the straps and at the moment he tugged them loose...

Renée awoke suddenly.

Her heart was racing and she felt far too warm under the sheets. It was morning outside, nearly 6. That dream lingered in mind, its clarity so intense, she could almost taste Commander Taylor’s mouth.

“Oh,” she groaned, covering her face with her hands. “This can’t be good.”

While she did not have to wonder where that dream came from, she asked herself how she’d get through the OTG mission. Renée jumped out of bed to get ready. The medical bag had been prepped the previous night, right after their chat. Once she had some breakfast in her, she made her way to the line of Rovers by the large gates. Renée talked herself sternly into mastering her foolish, nearly adolescent passions. And then she saw Commander Taylor and wondered why in God’s good name the morning light cast such a glorious beacon of light upon him.

There were a couple of soldiers following suit and in their march, the lot of them looked alike to Julius Caesar and his men. The image of his strong face, leaning down to draw her lips to his own, flashed in her mind. A nervous wave tumbled down her stomach and Renée took a steadying breath, looping her fingers in the straps of her backpack.

“Morning, doc,” Taylor said, once he drew close enough. “Glad to see you could make it.”

“It’s an honor, Commander Taylor,” she responded, awkwardly trying to climb within the Rover he walked her to. “I could hardly sleep I was so excited.” 

That made Taylor stop by the opening of the rover and frown. “Really?” 

“Uh, that was a joke,” she said. “A bad one.”

Taylor grunted and then said, “I see you readied a bag.”

“Yes,” Renée gave it an overenthusiastic pat. “Ready for anything.”

Taylor gazed at her until she was forced to look away beneath the attractive pressure of his eyes, but had she looked a moment longer, she’d have seen the way the corners of his mouth lowered in appreciation.

“Attagirl.”

Thankfully, Taylor was not in her Rover, which was being driven by Jim. The friendly man had a broad face and a lined brow, handsome, and easy to talk to. 

“You remind me of my daughter, Maddy,” Jim said, glancing up at Renée through the rear view mirror. “You guys have that look about the eyes.”

“What look?” Renée almost gasped.

“Like you’re too smart for your own good and always know more than you really should about a situation. You know the look.” Jim chuckled when she gave her head a vigorous shake and covered her blushing cheeks. 

She’d met all the Shannon kids and found them delightful. Maddy, of course, was her favorite. They got on so well. And Zoe was far too adorable for anyone’s business.

“See, you can’t deny it, can you? It must be a genius thing,” Jim said.

“I really don’t think it is,” Renée replied.

“It is—“ Jim hit the breaks without warning, nearly sending the woman toppling out of the jeep. 

Ahead, the other Rover stopped without warning as well, and they would have all crashed into each other if it were not for Jim’s quick reaction.

“Shannon, with me,” Taylor bellowed from ahead, and Jim immediately removed himself from the car, instructing Renée to stay put. 

The woman did as she was told, not wanting to get in the way, and especially wary of crossing Commander Taylor. As time went by and she was unable to hear the men up ahead, Renée grew nervous enough to climb out of her seat. She pulled her knapsack over her shoulder and took a few steps toward the other jeep where two soldiers stood watch.

“What’s going on?” she asked one of them.

“We found someone,” the man responded. “Best you stay put until we get different orders.”

Renée frowned at him but was in no position to argue. She went back to lean against the Rover in silence, wondering how long she would have to wait. Thankfully, it was only a few minutes later when the same soldier came to tell her she was sent for.

“Dunham will take you there,” he said.

The young, strawberry blonde soldier they called Dunham cast her a sympathetic smile. In spite of the large rifle he carried, there was nothing unfriendly about his Tintin-like appearance.

“Can you tell me what the hell’s going on?” Renée asked him quietly.

“We almost hit somebody,” Dunham answered.

“A person? Here? In the middle of the woods?”

Dunham gave her a look that said, I know, right? He mentioned that it was one of the scientists they came looking for, but this wasn’t exactly where the group expected to find them.

“That’s why I’m here, then,” she said to Dunham, “in case someone is injured.”

“I think there’s more to it than that, ma’am,” Dunham said.

The soldier led her to an outpost that was locked and deserted, except for the search party, and three crazy looking people. They must have been the scientists. Considering they were sitting on the ground, with their clothes mostly ripped, there was clearly something wrong with them. How they survived without getting eaten by something with very large teeth out here was a miracle in itself.

“That’s the one we almost hit,” Dunham said, gesturing at the man Commander Taylor was trying to have a conversation with.

It did not seem to be going well.

“Sir,” Dunham called out to him.

Commander Taylor turned and saw Renée. He said, “Ah, doc. I need a frank assessment of these people. I don’t think they’re capable of conversation and I’m not sure why.”

Renée approached and immediately got to work, placing a mask over her nose and mouth, and snapping on latex gloves. A few soldiers and Jim hovered close, as she got to her knees and flashed her light in the eyes of the first man. He was frothing and clearly raving, his pupils indicating that he was far too gone for coherent conversation. Renée checked his tongue, his vitals. His pulse seemed good and there were no outstanding physical ailments to be seen.

“Well?” Commander Taylor asked.

“I need a moment longer,” she said, moving onto the next person. Same symptoms for the most part, though this individual seemed to have a mild rash on her leg. By the third scientist, Renée was pretty sure she was in the presence of people who had completely lost their minds due to something they took. She tried speaking to them, asking them questions, she tried testing their senses -- snapping fingers at their ears, flashing light across their eyes -- to no avail.

With a sigh, she went to Taylor and pulled down her mask. “They are not coherent, sir. Their motor skills seem very limited and they may have lost use of most of their senses.”

“So, you think they’ve gone crazy,” Taylor stated.

Renée nodded, “I think they may have contracted something. Their symptoms are very similar. I will have to run some blood tests at the lab to know for certain.”

“Do you think it’s contagious?”

“I think they’ve been exposed to something but, no,” Renée said, “I don’t think they’ve passed it to each other.

“How can you tell?”

“Their tongues,” Renée said. “I’ve observed some coating that suggests something may have been administered to them on purpose. Unless we were to administer the same thing to one of us, I’d say we’re pretty safe. Still, we should quarantine them once we get back to be sure. Is this all of them?”

“There’s one missing,” Taylor grunted. “We gotta find the fourth man down before Malcolm rips out his three remaining hairs in a fit.”

Renée didn’t answer that. Taylor signaled for Jim so the two of them could have a word. Renée knelt before her bag on the ground and got out a few things she might need, to help tranquilize the scientists, so they could have an easier journey back to Terra Nova. If Taylor planned to go looking for the missing person now, it might take all day. That many hours with a couple of raving lunatics would not be fun unless they were on something. As she got out her tools, a figure darted through the bushes and climbed on her back.

The weight of him nearly crushed Renée. She yelped and cried for help, never having been attacked like this in all her life. The mad scientist raised her back to her knees, placed her in a chokehold and opened his frothing mouth, growling like he planned to take a clean bite off her neck. A sonic gun blasted and Renée felt the air go right out of her chest as she was sent sprawling, her attacker to one side, she, right to the other.

“Take them in,” Taylor barked, lowering his weapon, and rushing for Renée. “Doc.”

The soldiers quickly scrambled to contain all three raving researchers. Pain radiated excruciatingly through Renée as she lay on her back, dazed and nearly unable to breathe. She began shaking violently as her body pulsed with intense and electrifying discomfort. Commander Taylor jogged toward her and lowered to a crouch, lifting her form onto his knee. His sonic gun was still warm and emitted a familiar, metallic smell.

“Doc, can you hear me?” Commander Taylor asked. “Hey, look at me. You’re okay."

Renée did not feel okay, not by a long shot. She was in shock and when Taylor moved her, she groaned loudly, her torso feeling like it caught fire. When she tried to speak, only a gasp came out.

“I-I can’t move,” she managed at last.

“Alright, come on. Dunham, get the doctor’s bag.” 

“Yes, sir.”

Renée became suddenly taller than usual, as Commander Taylor scooped her up like a doll and carried her bride style to his Rover. She winced loudly and closed her eyes as more pain burned through her. Taylor spoke to her but he sounded distant to Renée, who was trying to look on the bright side. She may have gotten shot but, at least she was in Taylor’s arms and in his Rover. He even carried her to the hospital when they got back to Terra Nova, but that part might not have happened, considering she drifted in and out of consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter I initially abandoned the fic on, and back in 2012, I only had about half of it done. It's been a bit reworked, though the raving scientists are obviously influenced by the early episode in the series, with the memory loss story line. As I edit this fic for posting here, I can't help but laugh at how much it glorifies Commander Taylor and his unecessarily tight t-shirts lol. I regret nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Taylor apologizes for shooting Renée with a surprising 'get well soon' gift. Later, Renée suspects there is something Malcolm and Taylor are keeping from her.

Terra Nova hospital. Voices, certainly not doing their best to stay quiet. Not even trying, really.

“You weren’t supposed to shoot my scientist.”

“He attacked her. I had to react.”

“So, you shot her, too?”

“Give me a break, Malcolm.”

“You asked for a team, I gave you one. You asked for a doctor, I gave you one. Had I known you’d go around shooting all of them, maybe I’d think twice about it all.”

“Okay, you know what?” Commander Taylor growled, getting in Malcolm’s face. “Now you’re really starting to piss me off.”

Malcolm gave an exasperated sigh. “Elisabeth, how is she?” 

Dr. Shannon, the only person to use her inside voice, was checking Renée’s vitals and bruises. She administered a dose of painkillers to ease her suffering and gave the patient a warm smile when she came to. Renée peeled her eyes open during the argument, cast the men a glance, and rolled her eyes. Elisabeth looked just about ready to match that expression.

“Well, you can ask her yourself,” she said, helping Renée into sitting up.

Commander Taylor and Malcolm called for her in unison, momentarily setting aside their differences to advance:

“Doc.”

“Renée.”

The young woman sighed, trying her best not to groan. She was feeling a little numb and her entire torso felt like it had giant scar tissue across it. Had she known a sonic blast was that painful, she might have reconsidered going OTG.

“I’m fine, guys,” she said softly, not looking too great. Brown eyes turned to the two men, though she could barely see them. Elisabeth caught her squinting and brought her glasses over. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” asked Malcolm. “I mean, you’ve just been shot for heaven’s sake.”

“Malcolm,” she sighed, eyeing him wearily, “you pretty much voluntold me for this mission.”

“Well, I didn’t think it’d get you shot,” he retorted.

“Commander Taylor was only doing what he saw fit given the situation,” Renée continued, surprising herself in how easily she took his side. She turned her gaze to him, adding, “If he hadn’t reacted, who knows what else could have happened?” 

Taylor went from looking concerned, maybe a tinge remorseful, to surprisingly justified. He shot Malcolm a rather smug ‘_I told you so_’ smirk and in response, Malcolm threw up his hands in resignation. With a grunt, the young woman slipped from the hospital bed. Both men had been quietly stunned into silence, perhaps because she gently dismissed that they were both fretting over nothing. She was absolutely fine… kind of. 

“Now, if it’s all the same to you caring gents, I think I’d like to get back to work and figure out what’s wrong with those scientists.”

The men shared a glance with a smirking Elisabeth. Commander Taylor was the first to make his move.

“I’ll leave you geniuses to it, then,” he said. “You keep me updated.”

“Yes, sir,” Renée murmured, going to fetch her lab coat. 

They worked tirelessly throughout that day and made little progress. It turned out another search party had gone for the fourth scientist and returned empty handed. What they knew for sure was that a pathogen was involved with the recovered three. Renée was unfamiliar with its strain and would have to keep working on it to figure out exactly what it was. Unfortunately, Malcolm shooed her out of the lab by evening and Dr. Shannon said she was not allowed on the premises of the hospital until she was properly recovered from that sonic blast.

With a frown, Renée reluctantly left both places to make her way home. She considered stopping by Command Post for an update but decided against it for the time being. As soon as Renée put her bag down at home, she went for her bedroom and ran a hot shower. It felt good on her skin although it did sting her sore sides quite a bit.

The sonic gun had left a decently visible bruise on her abdomen, nearly up to her collarbone, and she had no doubt that, were it not for Dr. Shannon’s painkillers, this would really, really hurt. Renée washed her thick curly hair and rubbed some conditioning product in it, before wrapping the mass in a towel. She slipped into a comfortable bathrobe that allowed ample breathing room for her generous breasts and went to the kitchen to warm something up for dinner.

Her doorbell rang just as she was pouring herself a tall glass of cranberry juice, and it was soon followed by a knock on the door. That was the sound made by a big hand, no doubt about it. But Renée wasn’t expecting anyone and she was still in her robe. The knock came again thus she quickly made her way to the door and like an idiot, failed to check to see who it was before answering.

Proud, handsome Commander Taylor was on the other side, with a floral fruit basket in one arm that frankly looked a bit out of place there. His other hand seemed raised to knock on the door again when he saw that Renée answered… in a bathrobe and towel.

“Evening,” he said, sounding surprised.

“Hi!” Renée was like a deer in headlights, and fairly confident she’d had a dream like this before.

“I apologize for calling on you like this,” Taylor said, his thoughts suddenly disorganized, “I went to the market to find some kind of ‘get well’ basket and this…” He eyed the package with uncertainty. “Well, Janice told me this is the best they got. It sounds like they don’t make these kinds of things very often around here.” Commander Taylor started a nervous laugh but he quickly concealed it with a clearing of his throat.

At last, he extended the basket, and said, “Sorry I shot you, doc.”

Renée was stunned into silence, never having expected this man on her doorstep, bearing a gift. Even more surprising was how he seemed endearingly flustered, like he had gone over this little exchange multiple times in his head and still, it hadn’t gone quite like he wanted. Renée could have melted, seeing through the cracks, faint as they may have been, of his strong, silent, army type facade.

“Oh, Commander,” she said, as a proud parent speaks to their little one, “thank you. Thank you so much.”

The exchange was made and Renée brought the basket to her nose. It was heavier than expected, but smelled inviting and refreshing. Renée was truly flattered beyond measure. 

Taylor cast her bathrobe a glance and said, “I should let you get on. I’m sure now is not a good time.”

“Oh, no, no,” Renée said quickly, “it’s fine.” She wanted to encourage him, to reward his bravery even, by acknowledging that he had come. “Would you like to come in?”

“It wouldn’t be appropriate,” Taylor said seriously.

Renée paused. “Beg pardon?”

His entire stance changed and he eyed the empty space above her head, looking straight ahead, as he formally explained that a gentleman should not call on a lady without warning, nor enter her home without invitation. Renée’s eyes narrowed and she began to smile slowly. She hugged the basket, pulled her door open a bit wider, and stepped to one side.

“Commander Nathaniel Taylor,” she said, “I’m not sure which century you think we’re in but, I think this is far enough in the past for it to be appropriate. I officially invite you to enter my home because I’d like to thank you for coming all this way. Do you like cranberry juice?”

Taylor, after a moment’s consideration, nodded and made his way inside. Once the door was shut, Renée placed the basket on her kitchen island. It had fruits and vegetables in it, which was hilarious, along with some well chosen little flowers and a handcrafted card he personally signed. All very cute and sweet, in her opinion.

“I was just going to have dinner,” she told Commander Taylor. “Please make yourself at home. Are you hungry?”

“Uh, no.” He eyed her furniture warily, like he was worried about breaking anything and so had to select which he’d sit in. Eventually, he chose to remain standing, quietly examining her bare walls. “I don’t mean to interrupt anything.”

“You’re not.” Renée flashed him a smile. “Excuse me, I’ll just be a moment to change.”

Taylor nodded and bowed his head respectfully. Renée scurried off, pretending she hadn’t noticed the glance he shot her legs. She ripped off the robe and towel in the privacy of her bedroom, and slipped into a bra and a comfortable cotton dress bought at Terra Nova. Renée hadn’t worn it before and noticed it was a little more snug around her chest and hips than expected, otherwise flowing down rather nicely. She gave her curls a quick shake to place them and then emerged.

Commander Taylor was studying her masters degree, which was hung right next to her Ph.D. Renée chuckled when she saw him, feeling almost sorry for him. 

“You can sit, you know,” she told him. “And seriously, if you’re hungry, I don’t mind serving you a plate. It’s pesto but it’s only a day old and I have a ton of it. Plus, it’s from my garden.”

Renée made her way to the kitchen and at length, Taylor moved to join her there.

“Alright,” he said. “I’d like that, doc.”

“Yeah?” Renée beamed, in a good mood. “Maybe you can help me with that basket as well.”

“Ah,” Taylor grunted. “At least the arrangement is nice, right?”

“It’s all beautiful, Commander Taylor,” she said sweetly, warming up a plate for him. “And the card is really lovely.” She was sure to stack his plate much higher than hers, considering he likely ate a lot more than she did. How else did he pack on so much muscle? “And I meant what I said earlier. It’s very nice of you to have gotten this. You shouldn’t have, but the gesture has gone a long way and I really appreciate the thought.”

“How are you feeling, anyway?” Taylor asked. He sounded a bit more relaxed as he worked to unfurl the elaborate basket of its contents. There was a watermelon in there (explaining the weight) which he grasped like a baseball in his meaty paw, and lifted to her attention for her consideration. Renée approved of the choice.

“Sore,” she told him frankly. “But Elisabeth said I didn’t catch the full impact of the blast, so I consider myself very lucky. Knife is over there.”

Commander Taylor fetched the tool and Renée marveled at the way it looked like a crayon in his hand. She laughed softly and he sliced the large fruit open.

“I’ve taken a full blast before,” he grunted. “From a damn good shot, too. Knocked me right out. It’s nothing to joke about, doc. I should have been more careful.”

“Would you like some cranberry juice?” she asked him. “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything stronger.”

His blue eyes turned to her and Commander Taylor chuckled. “That’s just fine. You want these watermelon slices anywhere?”

“Here.” Renée fetched him a platter and he did his best to place the pieces in a decorative fashion. “We can have it for dessert and I’ll preserve the other fruit and vegetables.” She paused at his side for some time while he worked, marveling at his clumsy, albeit quite thoughtful precision.

“There,” he said proudly when he was done.

They shared a laugh at his flourish.

“You know what,” Renée said, “if Janice is ever looking for volunteers, I might have to tell her to swing by Command Post. You’ve got skills.”

“That I do,” Commander Taylor said, looking very serious in spite of humoring her.

“Alright, come on.” 

Renée carried their plates over to the table, setting utensils and drinks. Taylor handled the dessert platter and napkins. He liked Renée’s pesto so much, he asked her sheepishly if there were any more leftovers. Renée, enraptured by the way he’d shoveled the food in his mouth like that, gaped and blinked, before realizing he’d asked her a question.

“There is,” she said and extended her hand to have his plate. “Let me.”

“No, no,” he said, “tell me where it is. I’ll get it myself.”

“It’s no problem,” she said softly, but Commander Taylor wanted to help himself.

“I got it, doc,” he grinned, “you still have half your food left.”

“Okay, uh, it’s actually just the pot on the bottom shelf in the fridge.” Renée turned to look at him through the kitchen opening. “It’s not much but feel free to have it all. I’ve been meaning to cook something new, anyway.”

“Who’s this?” Taylor called as his food warmed up. 

Renée turned again and saw he eyed a picture on the fridge. There was only one.

“Eleanor,” Renée smiled fondly. “She was my caretaker in 2149, when I was ill. I’ve known her for most of my adult life.”

Taylor pondered the photo of Eleanor and Renée in silence until his food was prepared. He rejoined her at the table and within minutes, the food was inhaled. His cranberry juice was drunk just as quick and Renée served him another glass.

“Delicious,” Taylor said, sounding satisfied. “Doc, I gotta hand it to you. You make a mean pesto.”

“Oh,” Renée waved her hand shyly. “You’re too kind. I’ve been practicing, to tell you the truth. This is the first time it’s come out decently.”

They shared the watermelon and Renée learned this man could eat just about anything in under 10 seconds. She wanted to ask him where he’d learned to eat like that but she opted to observe him instead.

“Doc, you have something on your mind?” Commander Taylor asked, after she had done so for a few quiet minutes.

“I was just thinking,” Renée said, “how nice it is to have company. Believe it or not, you’re my first guest here.”

Taylor looked surprised to hear it. He fell silent, wiped his mouth with a tissue, and laced his hands before him.

“You know, earlier,” he said quietly, “when I fired my sonic, I knew what I was doing. I knew you’d get hit but, at the risk of that feral scientist getting to you, I figured it was the lesser of two evils.” He frowned and considered his thoughts a moment, before adding, “I’m glad to see you’re okay. I want you to know I’d never intentionally hurt you, doc.”

Renée’s cheeks turned warm and she lowered her eyes nervously. “Oh, okay,” she said, releasing a deep breath. “Thank you, sir.”

Taylor laughed, the low, attractive sound seemingly coming from the depths of the cave he called his chest. “You don’t have to call me ‘sir’, doc. You’re not one of my soldiers.”

“And I’m not really a doctor,” she replied, “I’m a physicist, and a chemist. But you still call me ‘doc’.”

Commander Taylor leveled her with a long, amused look. 

“That’s fair enough,” he replied. 

They shared a laugh that made Renée’s heart beat a little faster and her sides ache a little more. She couldn’t quite believe this moment was real.

“Can I ask you something?” she said. “Those scientists hadn’t made contact with Terra Nova in 72 hours. Why didn’t we go for them sooner? Haven’t they been out there for months?”

At that, Commander Taylor sat up straighter in his chair and reflected in silence. He was quiet for so long, Renée started to regret asking, wondering if she shouldn’t have minded her own business.

Finally, he said, “We should have gone for them sooner.” There was a bitterness to his tone that Renée found hard to place. Was he speaking of the scientists or something else entirely different? “Protocol dictates 72 hours for research teams, 24 for military. It’s just the way it is, but sometimes I think that should change. Anyway, what do we know so far on their condition?”

There was an air of mystery to this man, a fog Renée could not possibly hope to pierce over a pesto dinner and watermelon. She was astounded by how quickly and easily he maneuvered the focus of the conversation back to her.

“A pathogen is the root cause, given the blood tests.” Renée sighed wearily. “We know that much. But the source of it and its exact effects elude us at this moment. I’ll have to do more research in the lab…”

“You haven’t seen anything like that before, huh?”

“No.” Her brow crinkled and she peeled off her glasses to massage the corners of her eyes. “But that’s not what concerns me. An unknown pathogen could only have been made in the labs in 2149 and brought here.” Renée stared at Taylor but he was little more than a blurry outline at the other end of the table. 

“How do you figure?”

“We have a database,” she explained, “it’s very comprehensive and has a lot of the projects the team here has worked on. I have not been able to find any matches though I’m still looking. I could be wrong, Commander, but I think this is something undocumented here.”

“It can’t be something new?” he asked, puzzled, yet trying to understand.

“It can…” she sighed, “but it’s unlikely. Mysterious pathogens are often man made and their cause is usually unknown. It’s not natural. Either someone in 2149 brought over some research with them and created this thing, or I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about and might have a concussion.”

She laughed softly and put her glasses back on.

“Keep at it, doc,” Commander Taylor said. “I know you’ll find some more answers soon.”

“Let’s hope so,” she said, “for all our sakes.”

They shared a look during which Renée was again fairly certain Taylor had something on his mind to share. But he held off and offered to clear the dishes. In spite of her protests, he wouldn’t leave until everything was as clean as he’d found it.

“I’d better head back to Command Post.” Taylor stood in her hallway by the kitchen and cast Renée a sweeping look. She would be lying to say she did not catch notice of those steely blue eyes pondering her chest, before they finally met her eyes. As much of a gentleman and soldier this man was trained to be, at the core, he was still a male faced with a female. “Thanks for dinner. It really was delicious. I might have to brag about it tomorrow.”

Renée laughed out loud. “Maybe don’t do that,” she said. “I’m happy you enjoyed it though. Thank you for coming and for the basket. It makes me think I should get shot more often.”

Taylor appraised her with a thoughtful smile. “Yeah. Goodnight, doc.”

For a long moment she yearned for him to change his mind and stay, maybe take her in his arms like earlier. But Commander Taylor was gone after a polite nod and Renée consoled herself with the fact that she had plenty of wonderful memories from their dinner to fuel her daydreams.

She was going to keep dwelling on that man before driving off to sleep but her sore body did not allow for it. The next morning Renée felt stiff and it was quite a challenge to move. She dragged herself into a hot shower and that helped some. Running on a light breakfast, Renée administered herself the painkillers and that’s how she was able to make it to work.

The research on the pathogens and the scientists took a few days and at the end of each, Renée wound up feeling like she had only scratched the surface. Sometimes Malcolm was the one to brief Commander Taylor on their findings. She hadn’t seen the leader since that night at her place, even in passing with his men. When she mentioned something being of interest to him from their lab findings, Malcolm would either say he’d do the briefing himself, or mention warily that Taylor was already aware.

After a while Renée had an inkling there was something she was not being told. She voiced her concerns to Elisabeth one evening, who had also been studying the patient’s symptoms, and the woman admitted to feeling a bit in the dark as well on certain things.

“Would Jim know?” Renée asked.

“Taylor used to hold him at arm’s length with these things,” she said, “but my husband’s earned his trust. That does not mean he’s at liberty to speak of certain things. If Jim knows, he has not shared anything with me yet.”

Defeated, Renée left the hospital that evening, unable to get the image of those raving scientists out of her head. They had gone from being fairly sedate to acting like mistreated chimpanzees. Renée did not know what to make of these people whose madness encompassed so much of her research work here, but she was determined to reach a breakthrough. She was doing it for Taylor’s approval. Deep down, she wanted him to be proud of her and tell her so. 

The next evening Renée was invited to dine with the Shannons and wound up having a wonderful time. Jim and Elisabeth were different around their kids, so much warmer than she realized was even possible, and they made a great team. Their son, Josh, was a copy of his father. Maddy was wonderfully bright and always gave Renée plenty to talk about considering, she was kind of a fan of Renée’s work. As for Zoe, their youngest, she was to Renée the cutest thing roaming Terra Nova, and it was almost unfair that only Jim and Elisabeth had the privilege of spending time with her.

She dreamed that evening that she and Taylor were Zoe’s parents and they lived a wonderful little life in Terra Nova. The next day, she arrived to work a little later than usual, having agreed to stop by the Shannon house to pick up Maddy and Zoe and walk them to school. The girls were delightful and the sort of friendly, youthful company Renée never truly had. She was smiling over some of the jokes made among them when she entered the lab that morning.

Renée heard shouting and slowed her tracks. Malcolm and Taylor, she judged from the voices. Renée considered leaving the lab and making for the hospital in the adjacent building instead. But her lab coat had been left in the room where they argued, a bad habit of hers recently, and Renée seriously considered leaving it over walking in on that mess.

Commander Taylor’s voice sounded like a violent clap of thunder against Malcolm’s. Frankly, it was a really scary sound and she wished never to have it aimed as such toward her. Deciding she shouldn’t stay here, unless they were to think she was eavesdropping, Renée grasped her bag tightly and made to turn around.

“He’s my son,” she heard Commander Taylor say aggressively. “Something you wouldn’t understand. Get out of my way.”

With that said he barged into the other room where Renée stood frozen, undecided between staying and going. If Commander Taylor saw her, he made no note of it. A rover she’d hardly noticed on her way in sped away from the lab. Renée inched toward the lab and saw Malcolm.

“Hi,” she hummed.

“You’re late,” Malcolm snapped.

“I am,” Renée said apologetically, “I’m really sorry. I’ll get to work straightaway.”

She wanted to ask what that had been about, but thought it best she didn’t. Malcolm’s terrible mood was palpable and all that day, Renée walked on eggshells around him. His temper flared very quickly and she did everything she could not to be berated. But finally, it was too much. He snapped at every little thing and Renée broke down.

“Malcolm, please,” she sighed, on the verge of tears. “I’m working as fast as I can but you must lay off.”

“Lay off?” he seethed.

“Yes,” she insisted. “Please. I know this is about that argument with Commander Taylor this morning but that gives you no right to berate me over trivialities. Now please, can I get back to work in peace?”

“Oh, you too, huh?” he said, resignedly throwing his hands in the air. “Fine. You work. I don’t know why I’m doing this anyway. You’re ungrateful, just like him.”

“What?” Renée cried visibly now. “I don’t even know the context of that. Malcolm!”

But the man was gone and his words had hurt. How was Renée ungrateful? For asking to be treated respectfully while she worked? And how was Taylor?

_How indeed…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The biggest plot point I've chosen to disregard from the original series is the Sixers. I really just wanted to focus on developing the Renée/Taylor ship. That said, I chose to keep Lucas as an antagonist, so the end of this chapter hints at that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renée makes a breakthrough at the lab which could help the ill scientists. Commander Taylor tells her about his son Lucas.

Elisabeth was a good friend, of that, there was no doubt. After losing her focus over that stupid argument with Malcolm, Renée went to the hospital and could barely stop herself from sobbing. She blamed herself for losing control but Malcolm was being unfair and ever Dr. Shannon agreed.

“Take the rest of the day off,” she said kindly. “I’ll speak to Malcolm.”

“Please don’t,” Renée whimpered. “I don’t want to be on his bad side.”

“Believe me,” Elisabeth said, “he doesn’t want to be on mine. Malcolm and I studied at university together. I’ll speak to him.”

Elisabeth gave her a hug and Renée returned it. 

“At least we know one thing,” she hummed. “This business might be about Taylor’s son. And Malcolm thinks the Commander is ungrateful.”

Elisabeth sighed. “You might be right. I still don’t think their disagreement should be taken out on you like this. Go home, Renée.”

Nodding, the young woman grabbed her belongings and went home to have a lie in. Malcolm was at the pub. Dr. Shannon was not joking when she said she’d go talk to him, but she’d hardly mentioned to Renée that she would do it right that moment. She knew where Malcolm would be and smacked the beer mug right out of his hand. It startled him and everyone at the pub as it came crashing on the ground.

“I’m only going to say this once, Malcolm Wallace,” Dr. Shannon began. “Whatever this business between you and Taylor is, be men and handle it yourselves. If you ever make Renée cry again, so help me God, I will spread all the filthy little things they called you at Uni across Terra Nova, and I’ll make sure Jim gives you a good knockabout to put you in place. Is that clear?”

Malcolm didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. He blinked and gave something close to a nod. With a smile, Elisabeth said, “Good. Have a lovely day then.” She fetched some terras from her pocket and handed it to Tom, the Aussie barkeep. “That’s for the damaged glass.”

“Cheers, Dr. Shannon,” he said with a laugh at Malcolm.

For her part, Renée went home like Dr. Shannon suggested. She was upset and all she could think about was apologizing to Malcolm. While the way he’d spoken to her upset Renée, they were colleagues. She wanted to get on with him. But some time apart would be needed, that was certain.

Renée took to wondering just what the argument with Taylor had been all about. She’d never seen either man that upset before and she knew it must have been something pretty serious. Furthermore, she heard Commander Taylor say something about a son. Renée had no idea that the man even had children, but it shouldn’t have surprised her, given his age and status at Terra Nova. With alarm, she wondered if he was married, and then remembered never seeing a ring. 

After idling for a few hours and not knowing what to do with herself, Renée decided to return to the lab. If Malcolm was there, she would apologize to him and get on with her work. If he was not, perhaps she could get something done, anyway. It took her about fifteen minutes to arrive and once she did, she found she was alone in the entire lab.

Renée didn’t mind the solitude. She had been alone for most of her life anyway, and thrived in her work when she could concentrate. Renée threw herself in the research from earlier, mixing patents, creating and destroying bonds. Mostly, she was messing around, trying to see if something would stick the right way.

It was said that the cure to most major diseases in modern science were accidents. Renée didn’t know exactly what she was thinking, between reviewing patient neuroimaging results, ruminating over her syncilic fever findings, and running various tests but, suddenly there was a breakthrough. She peeled off her lab goggles and gaped at her results.

Of course, a ton more testing would need to be done, certainly on animal cells first. And even if those were successful, administering something to a patient that could not make his or her own decisions was completely unethical. Perhaps the scientists had family in Terra Nova to sign release forms. Renée was hopeful but wary. She ran another test and after getting a successful result, she smiled to herself. Come morning, Malcolm would be proud of this, a peace offering. And more than just Malcolm, there was Commander Taylor.

Renée checked the lab clock. It was just after 11PM and she removed her white coat. She should have gone home, but Renée couldn’t stop thinking about that argument with Taylor and Malcolm. And truth be told, she wanted to see Commander Taylor. There was a part of her that wanted him to do something about how upset she felt earlier. Upon arriving at Command Post, Renée was stopped at the base of the massive steps, due to the late hour, to be identified.

“Sorry, ma’am,” the soldier, a young black woman, told Renée apologetically. Her uniform said REILLY on the side. “The Commander has asked not to be disturbed.”

“I understand,” Renée said, turning to leave. Then, on second thought, she said, “Actually, I know this can probably wait until morning but, I really think Commander Taylor will want to hear this. See, I’ve made a breakthrough in the lab. I’m one of the doctors treating the scientists from the OTG mission?”

The guard leveled her with a careful look so Renée went on, since she had her attention.

“I think I may have found something that can help them, in my tests,” Renée said. “Please, if I could just have a few moments up there? And if he doesn’t want to hear it, I’ll leave right away. Please.”

With a sigh, the guard lowered her weapon and stepped aside.

“Alright, ma’am,” she said, “but if this comes back to me--”

“It won’t,” Renée said confidently. “I promise.”

“Good luck, then.”

Renée smiled at her and said thanks, making her way up to the door. She lay a few knocks and waited. When an answer did not come right away, Renée looked around, thinking maybe Taylor had gone to sleep. That thought surprised her. Taylor didn’t seem like the kind of man who prioritized sleep. Could he even sleep here? She decided to try knocking a few more times and called his name. If he heard her voice and still did not answer, she would leave.

“Commander Taylor?” she said, “are you there?”

Just when she was turning around and giving up, the wooden door creaked open. Commander Taylor sized her up and gave her a puzzled look.

“Doc?” he said, as if to make sure he was seeing right.

“Sorry to disturb you,” Renée said, “I have something I thought you might like to hear.”

“It’s late,” he replied. Taylor cast his eyes briefly toward the night sky. “This couldn’t wait til morning?”

Renée hesitated, feeling foolish all of a sudden. “You’re right, I should go--”

“Well, you’re here now.” Commander Taylor stood to one side, giving her access to enter. “Come on in.”

“Thanks.” 

She had been here before during the day and thought Taylor only used this space as an office. It hadn't occurred to her that he lived here. The office to one side was intact but there was liquor on the table in the receiving area, and small, wooden mugs she could only assume were used for drinking.

“Sake?” Taylor offered, going over to sit.

“Uh,” she faltered, “I’ve-I’ve never tried it.”

“Good, then, that sounds like a ‘yes’.” Taylor poured and Renée watched him, sitting down on the opposite end of the large armchair. She took the drink handed to her and Taylor toasted. “Cheers.”

Renée took a sip and immediately sputtered, much to the amusement of Commander Taylor.

“Don’t like it?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s not that,” she said quickly, “it’s interesting. An acquired taste…”

“You don’t have to be so polite, doc,” Taylor said. He took an easy swig. “If you don’t like it, rest assured that it’s not going to waste.”

She shot him a half smile at that and tried the drink again. It was still no better, but at least she kept it down this time. From the looks of the table, Commander Taylor had finished himself an entire bottle and they were having the second one. He was drinking alone and looked, to Renée, to be a bit more down and subdued than usual. She wondered if something was amiss.

“So, why are you drinking alone?” she asked him.

“I’m not alone,” Commander Taylor answered with a smirk. “You’re right here, aren’t you?”

That was fair enough although it wasn’t quite her question. “Long day, then?”

“Something like that,” Taylor replied with a sigh. He leaned a powerful arm over the seat and rested his head on a half fist. With such a tilted expression, he looked at Renée and for a moment she felt small under his scrutiny. “What are you really doing here, doc?”

Renée’s cheeks mottled with embarrassment. It was late and yes, she could have come in the morning to tell him this. In truth, Renée had come for more than just the breakthrough at the lab. It was so good to see the commander, even if he was in lower spirits than she might have liked. She longed for his company since the time they had dinner.

“I was working late,” she said, “went back after a bit of a tiff with Malcolm earlier.”

“Nothing bad, I hope?” Taylor asked.

“No,” she lied, “I think there’s certain things I am unaware of, which are bothering him. Today, he took that out on me but it’s fine. I understand where he is coming from in a way so there’s no hard feelings. Anyway, I went back when the lab was quiet and was doing some work. I think I may have found a way to help the scientists.”

Taylor’s eyes narrowed in a way that suggested he entertained asking her for an explanation, and whether he would actually understand it. Instead, he probed, “You run some tests?”

“Yeah,” Renée said, adjusting her glasses with an index. “I will have to run more of course but, I have a good feeling about this cure. It would essentially reverse the effects of the pathogen and resolve the chemical imbalance in our patients. If all goes well.”

“If all goes well,” Taylor repeated. “How confident are you this can work?”

“Very confident,” she admitted. “I am not usually wrong and I don’t say this to boast, rather to invite you to accept that I do know my chemistry. I need Malcolm’s help to check the results, when he’s ready to talk to me... But this is a breakthrough.”

The commander gulped the last of his sake and set down his mug. Renée took another sip and found this stuff did not get any better for her.

“Listen, doc,” he sighed deeply, “I think I may have had something to do with Malcolm losing his head a little bit.”

Renée eyed him carefully and listened. As much as she wanted to tell him not to worry about it, sometimes Taylor’s good manners and chivalry left her speechless.

“You were right when you said he’s got stuff going on. See, I asked Malcolm a while ago to help me with something and,” Taylor paused in consideration, “well, let’s just say it’s not exactly his top priority, when I think it should be. I think he may have taken out the frustration I showed with him, on you, and you didn’t deserve it. For that, you have my apologies.”

Renée leaned on her side and smiled softly at Commander Taylor. He looked tired and a few years older in the mood lights of his command center. But all she could see was how fine of a man he was, how responsible, how straightforward, at least with her. When she did not say anything for a while, Taylor asked if he had something on his face, maybe in his beard?

“No,” Renée chuckled. “You’re fine. It’s nothing like that.”

“What are you thinking about?” Taylor asked her, his voice low.

She loved when he asked her that question. 

“What I heard you mention earlier, when you spoke to Malcolm,” Renée admitted. “You said something about a son. I didn’t know you had a son. How old is he?”

Commander Taylor’s face saddened and he looked away from Renée, considering the sake for a while. After a brief decision, he poured himself another cup, drank deeply from his mug and finally answered.

“Twenty-six." 

Renée nearly choked on her sake at that. She sucked in a breath and cringed at herself a bit. At least she was older than his son, but not by much.

"His name is Lucas. He’s in 2149 and unfortunately, he’s not doing so good. He’s sick,” Taylor said to her. “I couldn’t get him to come during the second pilgrimage and as time went on, he just got worse.”

Renée’s expression turned serious and she set down her drink to appraise Taylor. 

“What’s wrong with him?” she asked softly.

Taylor grimaced, gave a slight shake of his head, and said, “Mental illness, a little bit like those scientists, actually, but there are some other issues. Malcolm said he could help. Said he knew someone who could come up with answers in 2149, too, but I don't know… That's what the argument today was about.”

“It’s not going quickly enough for you.” Renée sighed softly. “Is he getting worse?”

“Yes.” Cool blue eyes turned to behold her. “Every day.”

“If it was possible,” she began, thinking quickly, “to bring him here, to Terra Nova, from 2149 in the next pilgrimage, maybe I could help. I would help Malcolm and do everything I can. I would make it a priority for you.”

It was Commander Taylor’s turn to fix her with a soft look. There was a moment during which Renée again had the sense he wanted to say something, like he had a change of heart and wanted to speak. But the words never came. The man rose and asked her to join him out on the patio. The patrol was going through the camp and Taylor took her to the front of the large structure, where one could see the rest of Terra Nova and a million stars in the sky. The evening was warm and full of the sounds of an unreserved nature.

“You know, sometimes I wonder how he is,” Taylor said. Renée knew he was still speaking about his son. “I wonder if, you know, he’s okay, if he’s hanging in there or… or if something happened and I just don’t know-” The man quieted abruptly and turned his head away from Renée.

She frowned, very touched that he was opening up, to her of all people. All she could think was how to make him feel better, how to ease his troubles, even if just a little bit. Renée hesitantly reached for his arm and her fingers met with his bicep.

“Listen to me,” she said, sounding stronger than she felt. “If you find a way to bring him here, I promise you to do my best for him. Do you want to know why?”

Commander Taylor huffed softly. He had turned at her touch and now he faced her fully, appraising her from his height. 

“Why?” he said.

“Because I think family is the most important thing there is,” Renée answered. “I don’t know exactly what it’s like to have one, but you do. I want you to have that happiness. Having your son here, with you, maybe you guys can drink that… sake stuff together. Wouldn’t that be cheerful?”

When Commander Taylor showed her his smile, Renée knew she’d gotten through. She felt proud of herself, just like that first time at the lab, when he laughed at something she said. It was a feeling she could easily see herself trying to strive toward in many situations.

“It sure would,” the older man said. “Just one question.”

“Yes, what is it?” she asked. 

“You always been this positive about the unknown?”

Renée shook her head. “It’s a recent development. As you know I was sick in 2149 for many years, for most of my life, in fact. When I finally took the leap to come here, I told myself I would change the way I think and try as much as possible to keep positive. That’s why I wasn’t too shaken up when you shot me.”

The little quip also went over very well with Commander Taylor. He laughed, showing the even row of his beautiful teeth, and Renée felt proud of herself for having brought that on. She was happy that Commander Taylor was at the very least no longer looking a bit sad, even if, in truth, his expression suggested that he was putting on a brave face.

“Yeah,” he said, chuckling. “Alright.”

Taylor’s attention returned to the colony. Renée didn’t know what came over her then. Maybe it was standing very close to him or the touch earlier but, she felt a sudden urge to be in Commander Taylor’s arms. The man drew breath to say something else to her.

“Hey, listen doc, thanks for saying all that--” he began, when she cut him off. 

Renée drew his forearm in thin fingers and, when he was fully turned to face her, she pulled herself against his chest. Her slender arms wrapped around his neck and Renée tucked her head at his chest, opposite the gun holster. She held him tight.

At first, Commander Taylor went tense at the unexpected gesture. Then, Renée felt him relax and draw his broad arms around her slender shoulders. He was so encompassing and so overwhelmingly comfortable to be held by, Renée never wanted to let go. It occurred to her Commander Taylor smelled warm, like home. At last, Renée let go and let her hands brush over his forearms for a second as she collected herself. Her face felt like it caught fire and the rest of her body came unexpectedly alive.

“Thank you,” Taylor said.

“You’re welcome,” Renée replied, going back to lean on the wooden railing.

Taylor followed suit, stretching back in a way that brought them to eye level when they spoke. It turned out they both needed that hug. In the end, Renée was glad to have initiated it, for it broke any remaining layer of ice between them. They wound up talking all night, sometimes going back inside to sit, sometimes returning to the balcony. They played two rounds of chess and she won both, much to Taylor’s flourish. Renée felt so at peace, she barely noticed the passage of time until dawn crested over the horizon and Taylor said something about patrol starting soon. He had to oversee the morning dispatch.

“Allow me to escort you back to yours,” Commander Taylor offered. “I insist.”

Renée smiled and picked up her bag, since he insisted. It was a short walk but still early enough for none save for certain soldiers to be out and about. Certainly, Renée’s neighbors were still asleep. This was usually the time she stirred to make her way to the hospital or the lab. It was her first time returning home at such an hour. Renée never wanted her door to come and, considering the deliberately slow way he walked in spite of his long legs, she felt neither did Taylor.

It did eventually come. When the conversation reached its lull, both parties seemed unwilling to speak the parting words.

“Should we say goodnight, or good morning?” Renée ventured awkwardly.

“Goodnight for you, I’m sure,” Taylor said. “Good morning for me since I got patrol to oversee.”

Commander Taylor stood territorially before her, legs spread wide apart, seeming unsure of what to do with his hands. His teeth sensually grazed his bottom lip as he assessed Renée thoughtfully. Renée felt nervous and excited because, aside from his proximity, Taylor had this look in his eyes. It took her a moment to accept that he might want to kiss her. Once the thought registered and he closed in on her, to press his arm over her door and entrap her, her mouth ran dry.

She wanted this more than anything, in part because she had never before been kissed. Many times, Renée came close, but the truth was that she had spent a fair amount of her little life in solitude. Whether she was bouncing in the foster system or in classes with students far older, who alienated her for her genius, Renée lacked experience with boys she liked. Commander Taylor was a grown man, and in spite of her inexperience, Renée had matured enough. And, being only human, she did like him. In fact, she liked him very much. For him to be her first kiss would send her over the massive moon adorning Terra Nova most nights.

“Thanks for stopping by last night, doc,” Commander Taylor said. “Means a lot to me.” 

His body language gave her all the signs she needed. Surely, she told herself, it was only a matter of time before his other hand went for her waist and pulled her into his warm, muscular, inviting body. Renée tried to keep breathing, to keep her heart steady.

“No problem,” she said, without drawing breath. It came out more whisper than actual phrase. 

He was going to kiss her. His blue eyes grew more lidded. They were on her face, on her plump lips like he couldn’t take his eyes off.

“Sir!” interrupted a voice.

At once, Taylor and Renée stood to attention. A soldier was making his way toward them.

“What is it?” Taylor snapped, clearing his throat.

“Rover 316 is on its way back from OTG, sir,” the soldier said nervously. “It’s Wash.”

Commander Taylor’s eyes went wide and then a hopeful sort of look, the likes of which Renée had never seen on his face before, took hold of his handsome features. He began to rush with the soldier and then at the last moment, shot Renée an apologetic look and said, “Sorry. I gotta go.”

“Yeah, no, you do that,” she answered quickly, awkwardly waving at his and the retreating soldier’s backs. 

When Taylor was completely gone, Renée threw her head back into a groan and stepped inside her house, disappointed at the kiss that never came. Whatever the hell ‘Wash’ was, it cost her a very romantic moment and Renée would hold a tiny little grudge over it until she could fall in bed and, at the very least there, fantasize about kissing Taylor as much as she liked, amongst other things.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renée meets Wash and patches things up with Malcolm. He thinks her cure is sound and plans to help her ethically administer it. Later, Renée has a heart to heart with Elisabeth about Commander Taylor.

All that morning, Renée tried and failed to sleep. Commander Taylor occupied her mind as she replayed every moment from last night, from the time she entered Command Post, to when he walked her back. Some instants stood out, of course, the look in his eyes earlier in the night, when he talked about his son, the way he balked and then softened, folding himself right back into her when she hugged. Renée still remembered how safe the warmth of him left her. And those arms of his… My, were they something to write home about. If they had not been interrupted by that soldier, Renée was certain they would have kissed.

The thought that Commander Taylor might actually be interested in little old her was bordering on overwhelming. That’s what people did when they liked someone, right? Walked them home and looked deeply into their eyes, as if they were ready to jump in those pools and never look back. Maybe that was the wrong time for them to kiss, Renée told herself, and the right time would come. She was hopeful, and far too excited, to get any real sleep. So finally, around 11AM, she got out of bed and took herself to the shower. She brewed a cup of coffee and had something to eat before making her way right back to work. 

Renée intended to continue testing the cure she’d found and run the results not only by Malcolm, but Dr. Shannon as well. There was still the issue of ethics in this whole thing and she was glad there were far more experienced people around her to leave such things up to. The hospital was buzzing that afternoon, though no more than usual. They received anywhere from thirty to sixty new patients a day so it did not surprise Renée to find once empty beds taken by new figures. She found Elisabeth taking the scans of a dark woman with injuries to the face and other parts of her body.

“Hi Elisabeth, how are you?” Renée said pleasantly, crossing her path.

“I'm very well, thanks,” Elisabeth replied. “You look much better. Sleep well last night?”

Renée smiled. “You could say that. Hello,” she greeted the patient kindly. “My name is Renée.”

“I’m Lieutenant Washington,” the woman answered, a bit more gruffly than Renée was expecting. “How much longer, Dr. Shannon?”

“Just a few more minutes, Alicia,” Dr. Shannon answered sweetly, seemingly unfazed by the lieutenant’s manner. “But we’ll need to keep you here for another couple of days.”

Elisabeth focused on parts of the holographic scan. “Your ribs are broken in six places, so we’ll need to address that right away. Not to mention the sonic injuries. We’ve taken care of the more traditional injuries but I’m afraid you’ll need surgery on your spleen. We’ll work as quickly as we can but you’ll need your rest as well, Lieutenant.”

Renée frowned at the holographic screen. Those injuries looked and sounded dead serious. She wondered how this Lieutenant woman acquired them and was going to ask but thought better of it. 

“You’re in great hands here, Lieutenant. Nice to meet you,” Renée said, adding to Elisabeth, “I should run. Made some progress at the lab yesterday I really need to test.”

“Alright, dear, see you later then?”

“Yep,” Renée answered, “I’ll be here for my rounds.”

With that said, Renée shot a smile to the patient - which went unreturned - and made her way to the lab where she got right to work. She couldn’t tell how much time passed but Malcolm came in at some point and broke Renée’s concentration.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“That’s alright, no worries.” Renée peeled off her goggles and took a deep breath. “Look, Malcolm about yesterday--”

“No, wait.” He put up a hand to interrupt. “I should probably go first. You were right yesterday and didn’t deserve my misdirected ire. I was stressed and spoke without thinking.” Malcolm advanced to her station and gave her a very apologetic look. She knew he was sincere. “I’m sorry, Renée, for lashing out. It won’t happen again and believe you me, I’d rather not get an earful from Elisabeth again.”

Renée chuckled softly and looked down for a moment. So, Elisabeth had really done it. What a good friend. 

“If it helps,” Renée said, “I begged her not to do it, but she wouldn’t listen.”

“Well, she hardly ever does,” Malcolm shrugged. “That’s what makes her such a good doctor.” His eyes lingered on her for longer than she was expecting and Renée adjusted her glasses when it occurred to her that, the last person to maintain eye contact like this recently, was someone she fully planned to kiss back, should it happen. “Anyway, what are you working on?” Malcolm asked, perhaps sensing her mild discomfort.

“I’m glad you asked,” Renée said, clasping her goggles and moving to one side to fill him in on what she’d found out last night. Her first three tests had been successful and she was running the strain on animal cells to see the results. They unfolded before their eyes and Malcolm was, for a while, speechless.

“You’re absolutely brilliant,” he said softly. “How did you come to this bond?”

Renée blew out air and a few curls on her brow danced with the motion. 

“Honestly? It was by accident,” she told him, “but I really think this might be the key to helping those poor scientists. I can replicate the strain to a larger dose to affect front cortal processes and then we will see but, Malcolm…” 

A frown took hold of her pretty face and he asked her what the matter was.

“I don’t know if it’s ethical. These people aren’t coherent and can’t tell right from wrong. What if what we administer doesn’t work and winds up doing more harm than good? What if it kills them? I don’t know that I can, in good conscience, move forward with this cure without someone like a family member signing off on it.”

“One of the scientists has a wife,” Malcolm said, “but as for the others, I am with you there. It would be unethical but, there is no precedent for this kind of thing in Terra Nova.”

“So, what do we do?”

Malcolm sighed. “What we always do around here. We ask Taylor. Everything begins and ends with him. It’s a bit dictatorial, if you ask me, but it has worked thus far for Terra Nova and the laws for the most part seem sound.”

Renée chewed her lip and reflected on that quietly. She wondered what Taylor would say and her mind flew back to the previous night, the hug they shared and the way they talked endlessly, all night, as if they knew everything about each other already. Malcolm patted her ‘well done’ and Renée smiled at him, happy they were back on good terms. She emerged from the lab to take a mid afternoon lunch break with Elisabeth. Renée crossed over to the hospital to find the doctor and on her way, who should she encounter but the sole figure of her daydreams and fantasies.

Commander Taylor was, oddly enough, sitting on a hospital bed with another patient in it. Renée quickly realised it was the lieutenant from that morning. She must have been out of surgery by now. Elisabeth was so efficient with it. Then she heard Taylor address the lieutenant as ‘Wash’ and that’s when it clicked in her head. That morning, when he rushed off, it was because of her return. 

How peeving, that the reason she’d missed out on a sweet first kiss, was a disgruntled army lady, with long dark hair and a sexy scowl to match. The young scientist assessed Wash from her place and was suddenly struck by the force of her attractiveness. Her dark, steady gaze with intense, abstractly smudged kohl to match, went perfectly with her tall, athletic form. God damn, this woman was so astronomically better looking than her. In comparison, Renée was a shorter, stumpier version of the Shannon middle child - at best.

She decided to make her way past them, undetected, but in doing so she observed just how much Commander Taylor was smiling at this Wash person. Clearly, he was elated to see her again. Renée even saw him fuss with one of her gauze pads and it made her heart hurt a tiny bit.

“You kick ass, but you really have to be more careful,” he chided softly, as Renée walked past. That’s when she turned her eyes away from them, frankly feeling a tad annoyed. She almost made it to the door when Commander Taylor saw her. “Doc!”

Renée froze, closed her eyes, and prayed for strength. Putting on her a brave smile, she turned awkwardly. 

“Commander Taylor,” she said, “didn’t see you there.”

“Yes, you did,” Lieutenant Washington answered, pointing at the connecting door from the lab. “You came from that way.”

Renée frowned, tilting her head at her in a sarcastic, _thanks for that_ way, and reluctantly approached them.

“You two already meet?” Commander Taylor said, that same smile on his face as he looked from Wash to Renée.

“This morning, yes,” Renée said.

“Well, doc,” Taylor went on, “I’m gonna ask that you and your team look after my lieutenant until she’s back on her feet. I know she’s stubborn-”

“I’m fine, sir,” Wash said, sounding like it wasn’t the first time she had.

“She’s stubborn as they come, but this right here is one of the best damn soldiers, and finest combat medic I ever had the pleasure to serve with,” Taylor finished. 

“Thank you, sir,” Wash said.

“You still remember how many stitches you put in my side that time?” 

“67, sir.”

“Sixty seven.” Commander Taylor turned to Renée at that, waiting for her to marvel.

“Wow,” Renée said sarcastically, her brows rising. “You guys sound married.” 

Wash’s dark eyes snapped onto to Renée, as though willing her to take that back. Taylor didn’t even seem to hear her. The cheerful bastard was on cloud 9. Who wouldn’t be, sitting between a fine woman like Lieutenant Washington and a hopeless puppy that would hug him no matter what?

“Wash has been OTG, paving uncharted territories for the colony,” Taylor said proudly. “She and her team got tracked down by a couple of predators. Knocked out their radios and tech and still, she made it back alive. Few injuries in tow but that’s the job, isn’t it?”

When Renée looked, she saw pride and admiration in his eyes. Renée didn’t know what to make of all this. One minute she couldn’t stop thinking about this man and the next, he was giving her the impression that this fine soldier in the hospital was very important to him. And if so, what on earth was Renée? Perhaps she was overreacting. In fact, she was pretty sure she was. The feeling took her like a blow to the gut and she felt foolish, like a stupid little girl who had been so naive as to think that maybe she could catch the attention of the leader of a colony.

“Yes, sir,” Wash said. “I’ll be out of here in no time, to get back to work.”

“We’ll look after her,” Renée promised Taylor softly, adjusting her glasses. “You can rest assured of that.” 

She was ready to go. Though she should have eaten, she suddenly found that she lacked appetite.

“Oh, how’s your testing going?” Taylor asked her.

“Great,” Renée said. “Successful. I ran it by Malcolm and he said he’ll talk to you about it? Some ethical questions we have.”

“Copy that.” Commander Taylor gave her a nod. “Nice work, doc.”

In turn, Renée gave him a tight lipped smile then made her exit to find Dr. Shannon. Elisabeth remarked that Renée was barely eating and asked if she was alright.

“I don’t know,” Renée admitted, sighing unhappily. “I guess I’m a bit tired and need some more sleep.”

“Malcolm tells me you’ve made an important discovery,” Elisabeth remarked. “One that could save lives.”

Renée nodded. “I want to help the scientists but human tests have not been made. I’m worried about how it will all turn out. Hey,” she said softly, “what do you know about the lieutenant admitted this morning?”

“Wash?” Elisabeth said, and Renée wondered if everyone called her that. “She got back early this morning from a mission at one of the further outposts. The newer ones, for uncharted territory. Word is she lost contact with Terra Nova for a while and Taylor assembled a host of men to go find her. They went on ten missions and came back empty handed. This was just before your pilgrimage.”

Renée listened quietly as Elisabeth told her that Taylor hadn’t lost hope. They sent out signals to the outpost very often and though there were signs Wash had been there, nothing was really heard until her sudden return. She was usually in charge when Taylor was away, like his right hand woman, one could say. Ten search parties sounded like a lot. Renée couldn’t quite believe Taylor had done so much to try and find her.

“They look good together…” Renée said, dolefully pushing her food around in her plate.

“What?” Elisabeth sounded like she had no idea where that came from.

Renée blinked and suddenly adjusted her glasses. “I mean they look like they make a fine team. Commander, Lieutenant, you know? Both strict and so on.”

Elisabeth narrowed her eyes and Renée hoped the doctor’s beautiful, dusky face would spare her just this once and go with it. 

“Wash is tough. I’ve seen a lot of soldiers shrivel right up when she gives orders,” she admitted. “I wouldn’t mess with her.”

_No_, thought Renée. Neither would she.

“Is everything alright, Renée?” Elisabeth asked. “You seem a bit out of sorts. Has Malcolm said anything to you?”

“He apologized,” Renée chuckled softly. “Whatever you told him worked like a charm. He was very sincere.”

“But that’s not the problem, is it…” Elisabeth said, eyeing Renée. Her hand went up to Renée’s brow and checked her temperature. “You’re not ill, but you do look a bit tired. Did you get much sleep last night?”

Renée smiled broadly at her. God, she loved how motherly Elisabeth was. It reminded her of Eleanor and Renée knew it was why she gravitated so easily toward the doctor.

“I actually didn’t get any sleep last night,” Renée admitted.

“Why on earth not?” Elisabeth asked. “You weren’t up all night working on the cure, were you?”

“No,” Renée sighed. “I figured that out by 11PM, like a good genius. Then, I went to tell Commander Taylor about it.” 

Elisabeth shot her a blank look, like she was trying to work out what he had to do with anything.

“Um,” Renée said, “we talked all night.”

She left it at that. At first, Elisabeth began by asking what they could have possibly spent all night talking about. And then she put down her fork and understanding slowly dawned on her.

“Wait a minute,” Elisabeth said. “Now it all makes sense. All those looks I’ve seen you give him.”

Renée cringed when Elisabeth said that. Was she really that obvious in the way she ogled the man? God Almighty, she just couldn’t help herself. She closed her eyes and nodded slowly.

“Goodness, Renée,” Elisabeth chided. “Of all the people in the colony?”

“I know,” Renée groaned. “Honestly, I have no idea what I’m thinking.”

“I don’t think you are thinking at all,” Elisabeth said. “Seriously, how long has it been?”

“There was a day during my first--”

“Since your first week?!” Elisabeth sounded incredulous.

“During my first few weeks of work, he came by the lab once looking for Malcolm,” Renée persisted. “I think that’s when it began. To be honest, he’s caught my eye much earlier and I just tried to fight it.”

“Oh, my dear Renée,” Elisabeth sighed, smoothing her curls back and away from her glasses. “I know how these things work. You really can’t help who you like. He’s a bit older, even for me, and I love my husband very much anyway. But I can see, I think, what you see in him.”

“My undying love of his beefy arms?” Renée joked.

Elisabeth laughed and said that too. “Are you quite sure it’s him you like, and not the idea of him?”

“How do you mean?” 

“Well, Commander Taylor represents a beacon of hope for Terra Nova. He is like the father of the colony,” Elisabeth said. “You told me you never knew your family and, often times, without a male figure to look toward when we grow up, there is the tendency to find those who represent it, well, irresistible. It comes from a need for safety.”

“I know what you’re saying,” Renée supplied. “To be honest, I think that’s what it is, though I have learned a bit about his personality and do find him endearing, in his own way. I do agree we are more than a bit mismatched in the age department but, there is something about him that comforts me.”

“Uh oh,” Elisabeth sighed. “Careful you don’t fall in love.”

Renée pondered that in silence for a long time and then whispered, “What if I do?”

“Listen, Renée,” Elisabeth said, taking her hand. “Men like Taylor are typically not good relationship material. You’ve got the army background and its problems now, I mean, we live in essentially a regime. Is he a dictator or not? You’re from vastly different generations. You’re still quite young at twenty nine and he’s not getting any younger.

“You’ve got the fact that he’s running this colony and literally trying to restart civilization. Not to mention, a man that age doesn’t get to where he is without a few skeletons in his closet. I mean, are you really ready for all that? Most importantly, even if this were to work, are you ready to always come second to Terra Nova?”

Elisabeth’s words, regardless of how hard they were to hear, were sobering to Renée. She needed to hear that perspective, that word of caution from the ‘mother’ figure. In truth, she wasn’t ready for anything. All she knew was that she had a crush and maybe it would work, but with the appearance of Wash, it more than likely wouldn’t.

“As your friend,” Elisabeth went on gently, “I should like nothing more than to see you as happy as possible. If that winds up to be with Commander Taylor, so be it. But I implore you to exercise caution. I’m told he was married a long time and has been widowed. A man like that should have resettled down already. That he has not, at his age no less, says a lot.”

“I really don’t know what to think,” Renée admitted. “But I appreciate your words. It’s just… last night, there was a moment during which he, um… he held me in his arms.” She smiled at the recollection. It stirred something deep in her and Renée was nearly moved to tears as she gave Elizabeth’s hand a squeeze. “I can’t remember the last time I felt so safe, you know? He makes me feel, above all, like I’m finally home, after drifting for almost three decades.”

After some time, Elisabeth let out a long sigh and patted Renée’s hand. “You know, your symptoms are quite clear to me now,” she said. “And I think, nothing I can say will change how you already feel. You’ve fallen for the Commander, Renée. Hard.”

Renée cringed again. “Please don’t tell Taylor. Jim is fine, if he won’t say anything.”

“Don’t worry,” Elisabeth laughed, “your secret’s safe with me. Jim would just take the mickey out of him if he knew.”

“I trust you guys,” Renée said, moving to give Elisabeth a hug. “Your family has been like a second family for me. I don’t mean to make you feel older than you are but it’s your instincts as a mother that makes me trust you so easily, Elisabeth. You’re really there for me.”

“And I’ll always be here for you,” Elisabeth said. “Don’t you forget, regardless of how this tale with Taylor ends. I’m going to need daily status updates, do you hear me?”

“Yes,” Renée laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”

In the end, their little chat left her in a better mood to return to work, and Renée could only wonder why she kept her secret infatuation to herself for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really like Wash and can still remember the first Terra Nova fic I read was a Taylor/Wash ship. It was so many years ago now but it stuck with me. I think it definitely inspired this fic though I plan to make Wash a bit of a foil to Renée here.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A patient dies from Renée's cure, sending her spiraling. Later, she learns that Commander Taylor lied about his son's whereabouts.

As promised, Renée and the hospital staff took good care of Lieutenant Washington and she was discharged within a week. Commander Taylor gave his OK on administering the cure, citing doing nothing as inhumane, especially for those of the scientists with no family to sign off on the procedure. Thus, with Malcolm overseeing, Renée administered the cure to one of the scientists who was worse for wear and they waited all night to see if any effects would be recorded. In the morning, the scientist, an older woman named Christine, awoke and was perfectly normal.

“It’s a miracle,” Malcolm kept repeating, as he had a full conversation with a woman who was once completely incoherent and certainly insane. 

Christine could not remember very well the time spent incoherent. The last thing she remembered was being out in the field doing research with the others. Renée was happy with her work and breathed a sigh of relief as she watched Christine interact with the doctors. She figured it would go fairly under the radar that she had come up with the successful cure. Then, as she was heading out for the day from the lab, earlier than usual (well deserved, Malcolm said), the team at the hospital made a little show of clapping for her.

Already easily embarrassed, Renée put a hand to her cheek and politely gave her thanks, before quickly sneaking out of the hospital and away from attention. Christine was asked to linger for 48 hours while the doctors continued to monitor her, but everyone was optimistic. Renée was tempted to go up to Command Post and inform Commander Taylor of her success, but she figured it could wait. Plus, she sort of dreaded the idea of running into Wash up there.

The following morning, she went to the hospital and found the staff in a frenzy. Christine was going into anaphylactic shock. Her throat was closing up and she was frothing badly. It was a horrible sight, something out of a doctor’s worst side effects nightmare, and Renée could not tear her eyes, or even bring herself to ask what happened. Before she knew it, the patient went tense, her eyes rolled over, and she eventually went stiff with rigor mortis. A doctor checked her pulse and announced the time of death: 7:02 AM.

A wave of illness took Renée and she stormed over to the restroom where she violently regurgitated her breakfast. She felt sick all of that morning, even as other doctors ran tests and identified the cause of death as an allergic reaction to a small portion of the antidote. Christine had an allergy that was not part of her medical records, one she likely didn’t even know about, based on the way Malcolm explained it. Her death was ruled a rare anomaly and both Elisabeth and Malcolm said they didn’t think it could realistically happen to others. They would run some allergy tests on the patients to confirm, but there was a high chance they’d come back negative.

In spite of this, Renée was in shock all day until she eventually just felt so numb, she couldn’t focus on any work.

“I feel like I killed her,” she whispered to Malcolm in the lab, her eyes red and raw from crying. 

He shook his head and went to her, saying not to think like that, as his hands rested on her shoulders. Malcolm gave her a hug and told her she had done nothing wrong. This was not her fault. As she stood stiffly in his arms, all Renée could think was that he wasn’t Taylor. In comparison, the chief science officer, although tall, was wiry, with very little there to hang on to.

Seeing as she was completely useless and shaken by the patient’s death, Renée was asked to go home and take some time off. She accepted and realized this happened a lot. She was sent home so often, it was like being back at 2149 and being the sick kid. The morning of Christine’s burial at Memorial Field, Renée could not get herself out of bed to attend. She spent most of that afternoon weeping until there were no tears left.

She didn’t want to think about the lab, the antidote, the raving scientists. God, she really hoped Malcolm would not administer that cure on the other two, though she seemed to recall hearing him say that the wife of the scientist named Jack had signed off on it. Even if it did not help, Malcolm said she was willing to take a chance.

Renée spent three days moping about her house, too shaken to return to work. She hadn’t realized how much something like this would affect her and it made her reassess whether she was truly cut out for medical work. She may not get squeamish very easily but, losing a life was a big thing for her. Renée wanted to learn to be stronger but the time for that would come.

Gardening relaxed her and soothed her anxieties. She nurtured her tomatoes and planted new herbs. Mostly, she survied on tea with an infusion of mint, as she had very little appetite for anything else. There was a dullness cast to the once rosy glow of Terra Nova. At first, Renée thought it was just because of Christine’s death. But, once she was honest with herself, Renée admitted there was also Commander Taylor. She missed him, during this difficult time. She longed to hear his baritone and see the way his steely gaze softened when it fell on her. She yearned for his comfort and wanted more than anything to return 'home' to him.

One evening, after deciding she couldn’t stay indoors anymore, Renée took herself for a long walk throughout Terra Nova which eventually led her to Command Post. She went up fearlessly and asked to see the commander. The guard who let her up failed to mention exactly which commander was in charge that day. 

“Can I help you, ma’am?” Lieutenant Washington said when she saw Renée.

The young woman, surprised by Wash’s cold and clinical welcome, uttered something unintelligible and had to try again.

“Is Commander Taylor here?” she managed.

“The Commander is OTG on a mission,” Wash answered strictly. “If there is a problem, you can address it with me. I’m in charge until he gets back.”

“I see,” Renée said. She sighed softly and noticed that her idling was wearing Wash’s patience fairly thin.

“Well?” said Wash.

Renée shook her head. “There’s no problem,” she said, blinking rapidly. “Uh, we had an issue at the hospital. Lost someone, but that’s all I’m aware of.”

“Didn’t Malcolm cure the other two folks?” Lieutenant Washington said. “I hear it’s been a couple of days and they’re back on their feet.”

“What?” Renée hadn’t heard about it. “No, I don’t—I really don’t know, I haven’t worked in a couple of days.”

“Jesus,” replied Wash, “no wonder you look like that.”

Renée tugged on her cardigan with a frown and covered up more of her t-shirt. Defensively, she asked, “Look like what?”

Wash snorted and made a face to suggest that if Renée really hadn’t seen herself, she might very well be beyond helping. “If you don’t have anything to bring up, I’m going to ask that you excuse me. The patrol needs to be tended to. I wish you a pleasant evening.”

Clearly, Lieutenant Washington had no time for idling. Renée wasn’t prepared for such brutality. It suddenly seemed a lot colder inside and outside Command Post as she felt the sting of rejection poison her chest. 

“You too,” Renée mumbled, turning around to exit. 

Of course, by the time she reached the bottom steps, her face was hot with tears. She got home and took a good look at herself in the mirror. Aside from looking a bit tired, maybe frumpy, Renée didn’t think there was anything wrong with her. Plus, she’d showered that morning so there wasn’t a smell, either. What on earth could Wash have possibly meant?

Renée decided to get back to work the next morning. She took another bath, washed her hair and gave the curls a bit of a trim. They bounced back thicker and with more life to them the next day and she told herself she was feeling better. As she saw for herself, Malcolm administered the cure without a second thought to the other scientists. They were perfectly fine well after that 48 hour time frame and everyone around the hospital and the science team considered Malcolm something of a hero. 

In truth Renée felt a bit violated in the whole process. She had come up with this antidote. And yes, she had fallen apart when a patient died through no fault of hers, but she couldn’t understand why they sang Malcolm’s praises so highly now that the others were okay. In the end, she was just glad no one else was dead.

A couple of days later Commander Taylor returned to Terra Nova with Jim Shannon. When he made his way to the science lab, all his congratulations went to Malcolm. Renée, busy mixing potent chemicals, had a protective face mask hiding her face and, in spite of the fact that her heart beat a little faster at the sight and sound of Taylor, she did not remove it from her face and continued working.

Later on, she thought about stopping by Command Post to ask him how the trip OTG went, perhaps get some details on what it was about. But as she walked home, she saw Commander Taylor and Wash enjoying an evening off together and dining outdoors. Every day since, it seemed to her like wherever Taylor went, Wash was close, like his own shadow. When they did run into each other and Wash was around, Commander Taylor barely said more than hello to Renée.

He became distant and different, much to her dismay, and the worst part was, as much as she longed for his affections, there was nothing Renée could do about it. She recognized that the one thing she had control over was how she let the situation make her feel. While Renée was unhappy at first, she decided to change that and do something extremely rare (for her, at least): go out for a drink.

Joan, from Hope Plaza in 2149 and her first few days in Terra Nova, was her companion. They went to Boylan’s pub and sat at a table close to the bar. Renée had some cider and Joan enjoyed a glass of wine as they discussed how things had been going for them.

Renée was actually enjoying getting out of her head. Catching up with Joan was fun up to the point when a dark haired beauty entered the pub and made for the bar. Her heart sank as she recognized Lieutenant Washington, though it was nice to see her alone for once.

“You finally get a night off?” Boylan teased after seeing the look on her face.

“Just get me a beer, will you?” Wash answered tiredly.

She cast her eyes around the pub and Renée immediately looked away, having half a mind to ask Joan if they could just go now. Alas, Joan was in the middle of a riveting tale about a pie she baked recently and Renée did not have the heart to cut her off at the juiciest details. Wash received her drink and went at it while Renée occasionally stole glances in her direction. Joan continued speaking and Renée made sounds of acknowledgement but, her ears burned when Boylan said Taylor’s name while addressing Wash.

“Is he any closer to finding his son?” Boylan ventured.

Renée tuned out Joan, frowning when she heard Wash’s reply: “As close as he was last year. We thought the scientists were a lead but, Lucas is out there leaving messages. I don’t know how the kid does it. After being out there myself, I’d rather not see him get it from the prehistoric wildlife in that jungle.”

“That can’t be right,” Renée said, interrupting Joan and addressing Wash. “Commander Taylor’s son is in 2149.”

Both Wash and Boylan turned to her in silence and for a second, Renée was confused. Suddenly, she began to feel absolutely stupid when it was Joan, of all people, who said, “What are you talking about?”

“Commander Taylor’s son.” Renée pushed her drink aside and looked at each face. “I thought he was ill, and in the old world. And the Commander is trying to find a way to bring him over.”

Boylan broke the silence when he barked a loud laugh. Lieutenant Washington followed shortly after and in spite of being the butt of their joke, Renée could not help but marvel at how incredibly stunning the woman looked with a smile on her face.

“What the hell are you talking about, girl?” Boylan asked Renée, making her face burn. “Someone’s really had you on, telling you that story.”

“Boylan, did you spike her drink?” Wash asked and proceeded to laugh at her own joke.

Joan shot Renée a look of concern and touched her hand, but Renée quickly recoiled from the gesture.

“So, his son is here, then, in Terra Nova?” Renée asked impatiently. Their laughter hurt, but it was nothing compared to what she suspected. Commander Taylor had lied to her, blatantly and without so much as flinching.

“He’s OTG,” Wash said, “has been for some time, ever since he lost his mind.”

“Yeah, that one is mental, alright,” Boylan said, “you got that part right, sweetheart.”

Thus Renée learned that Lucas Taylor was, for a couple of years, the madman of Terra Nova, raving, coming up with equations and scribbling them quite literally everywhere. That’s when he was sober and lucid, moments that came few and far between. Finally, he’d just lost his way and escaped OTG. Multiple search parties went looking for him over time and all returned empty handed. Then, seven months ago a team of scientists went out and after some time, they claimed Lucas had made contact. 72 hours later, they lost touch with Terra Nova.

“The fourth scientist,” Renée said aloud. “He was never found. It was him.”

“That's what my gut tells me,” Wash said. 

“Everyone around knows Taylor won’t rest until he finds his son," Boylan added. "Trouble is, people stop caring after a while.”

Apparently nobody wanted a madman around Terra Nova. On one hand, this made sense, but on the other, it was absolutely cruel. These revelations emotionally left Renée in a strange place, as she wondered why the hell Taylor had spun her some crazy lie. It seemed like everyone agreed on the same version of the story, specifically the one that starkly contradicted Taylor’s rendition. Did he really think she wouldn’t find out? 

She told Joan she was ready to leave. The two women paid for their drinks and eventually exited the pub. Joan offered to walk her home but Renée declined, saying she’d be alright, even if she did not look it. Renée walked until she realized she wasn’t heading for her house but another familiar spot. When she knocked on the door, Jim was the one to answer.

“Hey, Renée.” Jim smiled at her, in spite of his surprise. “Everything okay? It’s kinda late, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry, Jim,” she answered and the tears flowed just like that. “I-I-I was just w-wonder-ring if Eli-Elisabeth--”

“Woah, okay.” Jim stood aside and let her inside. “Why don’t you come in?"

Elisabeth appeared like she heard her name and the moment she saw Renée, her arms opened for a hug. To Jim, she shot a concerned look. Once Renée was consoled, and feeling a bit less pathetic, they made her some hot cocoa. Jim said he made the best according to his kids, who were in bed, except for Josh who was out with friends. The drink did help to make her feel better and she opened up about why she turned up like this.

Even Jim was surprised that Taylor had spun her such a random version of events when it came to his son because, everyone in Terra Nova knew Lucas was here and unstable. Elisabeth asked her husband not to speak of this to his boss.

“Like that other thing,” she told him. “You didn’t say anything did you?”

He gave Renée a look and shook his head. “No, I didn’t say anything about… the other thing. But, now it makes more sense why you’re so upset, Renée. I can’t understand why Taylor told you what he did, but I know you’ve been through a lot, what with Christine and everything. So, if there’s anything we can do…”

“Thanks, Jim.” She sighed and gave him a small smile. “I’m really sorry to turn up on you guys like this, I know we all work in the morning. It was just too much to handle and the way Lieutenant Washington and Boylan mocked me. God, I just wanted to disappear.”

“Renée,” Elisabeth sighed, “I am also unaware of why Taylor would say something so inaccurate to you, but I did learn something today. From Jim, actually, as they were OTG together fairly recently. You see, I believe one of the reasons your were recruited for the 11th Pilgrimage is because Taylor and Malcolm needed someone bright enough to come up with extremely rare antidotes, just like you did.”

Renée frowned when Jim added that he was pretty sure Taylor would ask her to replicate what was done for the scientists to help his son. She couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. After the way she had told the commander how she’d prioritize helping Lucas, if he could come to Terra Nova. Was that exactly what he expected to hear? Had he just manipulated her this entire time?

“No one has been able to get close enough to him to assess his mental state,” Elisabeth said, “but everyone knows it’s pretty bad. He used to be completely stark raving, with very few lucid moments. It’s just like the scientists except, now that you’ve been able to design their cure--”

“Taylor's son is going to be next,” Renée finished.

“Well,” Jim chimed in, “if he can be found.”

This felt completely wrong. Renée said, “I wouldn’t advise using the cure which worked on the scientists on Lucas. His symptoms sound bad enough and it’s likely he’s already gone over the edge and is beyond help, but even if he hasn’t, he could be suffering from something completely different.”

“I am not sure that’s going to matter,” Elisabeth said. “To hear Jim tell it, Taylor will try anything and everything to get his son back. You just may have given him an answer after years of silence.”

“Wash told me Lucas made contact with those scientists,” she said, thinking. “If he caused their illness, it’s possible he has the pathogen bottled somehow.”

“Well, Lucas is very bright,” Jim said. “Apparently he was the resident genius around here, before you. This was before we got here with the kids, too. He’s a physicist, among other things. Matter of fact, Taylor says he was part of the teams that were working on the portal to get people here.”

“A dangerous pathogen, in the hands of an unstable man,” Renée said, “and you’re telling me I might have to fix him?”

It was all a lot for Renée to process. Both Jim and Elisabeth looked at a loss for words. No wonder Commander Taylor had lied to her. She wouldn’t have been able to handle the truth! She finished her cocoa and when Jim offered to take her home, she barely registered what he said.

“Why don’t you spend the night with us?” Elisabeth suggested. “You’re about Maddy’s size, I’m sure she’ll have something you can wear to sleep. And we have space.”

“If you don’t mind the couch,” Jim said, “I’ve actually slept on it, it’s pretty comfortable.”

“I really don’t want to impose,” Renée said but the Shannons were far too kind than anyone gave them credit for. Thus, she spent the night in their home and by morning, she managed to take a shower while the solar panels still had enough juice to keep the water warm.

Breakfast with the Shannon family soothed her spirits. The previous night, Renée fell into a fitful sleep, after feeling used by Malcolm and Commander Taylor. But the sight of little Zoe saying all manner of clever little things over breakfast lifted Renée’s mood. She hugged Elisabeth and Jim and thanked them for letting her crash. After the kids went off to school, Elisabeth agreed to accompany Renée home so the woman could change and get her things, before they made their way to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise this is a bit out of character for Wash, but it was fun writing her mocking my OC. I'm also happy with the Lucas spin, since I think it keeps a couple of original elements from the show and adds a few new ones as well. Mainly, I wanted Renee's bubble when it comes to Taylor to burst quite violently since that lends its fair share of angst.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Taylor decides to go OTG to find Lucas. The team, which includes Renée, run into juvenile Carnotaurus. She confronts Taylor about the lie he told her.

Renée was really hoping for a peaceful day at work. Now that the head of the science team was everyone’s favorite person, she steered clear of the lab and stuck to Elisabeth. While there was always something to be done for Malcolm, Renée needed desperately to get herself together in a hospital setting. Christine’s death had shaken her but Renée liked to think it made her stronger also. They spent part of the morning in surgery. Elisabeth led the charge and Renée assisted. She marveled at Elisabeth’s calm demeanor and precision and there was no doubt in her mind the patient would be back on their feet very soon.

By early afternoon, Renée was going from bed to bed to check in on patients who had just arrived and hadn’t been seen yet. If it wasn’t anything too major, she’d handle the issue after checking their vitals and if needed, put them on bedrest and administer anything they required. An afternoon could easily fly in this manner and as much as Renée hoped for a busy day to keep her mind occupied, the universe had to go on and send the two people she was least interested in seeing, storming through the hospital with the remnants of a heated debate still on their tongues.

“Sir, you can trust me with this,” Washington told Commander Taylor in her strong voice. “I can lead with Guzman and Dunham, we’ll add Riley and Shannon to the roster and be back before you know it.”

“I do trust you, Wash, but I gotta do this myself.” Commander Taylor was firm. “You stay here. You’re my eyes and ears in Terra Nova when I’m OTG and that’s the end. Is that clear?”

Renée watched them square off and Lieutenant Washington defiantly held his gaze until Commander Taylor tilted his head. At last, she backed down and he murmured ‘good’, before getting back to the reason he’s stormed the hospital.

“Please take a few deep breaths for me,” Renée told her patient, gently pressing the stethoscope along his back and listening. The patient did as he was asked and over his shoulder, she snuck a glance at Commander Taylor and Wash. Taylor had a khaki backpack slung over one shoulder and a distracted look about the eyes.

“Doc,” he barked and Renée jumped, in spite of the fact that Taylor addressed Elisabeth. “I’m afraid I’m going to need your husband on his day off. Can you contact him?”

“Yes, of course,” Elisabeth frowned. “Is everything alright?”

“It will be soon as I got him in a Rover. Thanks, doc.” Taylor touched Elisabeth’s arm. “I can get a soldier to take the kids home if needed.”

“No, that’s quite alright, Commander. Maddy can manage until I get back.” She went to fetch her purse, calling out, “I’ll get a hold of Jim.”

“Appreciate it.” Taylor moved through the hospital to take the exit that led to the research and science lab. Renée heard him call Malcolm’s name and she drew a sigh of relief when she saw the last of that military backpack and Wash’s long, swinging ponytail.

“Very good,” she told her patient. “Lie down for me, sir. I’ll get you something for your pain and then run a scan of your lungs, alright?”

“Thank you, nurse.”

Renée smiled at him and went to get the needed supplies. She barely returned from the medicine suite when Malcolm, Wash, and Taylor got right back into the hospital. They marched straight for her.

“I think I should come with you,” Malcolm said.

“No.” Taylor sounded determined and Renée pretended not to hear them as she hustled toward her patient. “It has to be her.”

“Here you are, sir,” she said in her most soothing voice, administering the painkillers. “This will take effect shortly. I'll commence the x-ray--”

“Doc. A word,” Commander Taylor said.

Renée froze, smiled for her patient to give her a moment, and turned slowly to find the three hovering vultures. She looked from Taylor to Malcolm, who looked annoyed, to Wash, who glared daggers at her. Honestly, if looks could kill, Renée was not sure the state that woman’s intense eyes would leave her.

“We got an OTG mission tonight. 18h00. Need you to come with.” Commander Taylor was very obviously not asking and in that moment Renée felt powerless. She looked to Malcolm for backup and again, he tried telling the man to at least try for another scientist or ask Elisabeth if she could spare a qualified nurse. Surely, Renée had a lot going on here.

“No,” Taylor said. His stubborn eyes never left Renée’s and she, unlike Wash, did not back down. “I want her along.”

“Any brilliant plans to shoot her again?”

Taylor glared at Malcolm, adjusted the bag on his shoulder, and then repeated to Renée: “18h00 at the gate.” With that said, he stormed off and Wash gave her one last dirty look before following her boss. 

“Yes, sir,” Renée muttered.

Malcolm shrugged apologetically and Renée was left no choice but to hand off her remaining patients to another nurse. She dejectedly went to get her things, fighting the urge to cry. Frankly, she was done shedding stupid tears. Commander Taylor was a liar and a user. 

Renée just had to get through this mission to return to Terra Nova, keep her head down, and continue to work. A big part of her absolutely wanted to confront him about the story he falsified but Renée didn’t think she had the courage to do it. Not yet, anyway.

Bag ready, she stopped briefly by her place to pick up a few personal affairs, mainly hygienic, that she might need OTG. Commander Taylor hadn’t said how long the mission would be but six o’clock in the evening was a fairly late start. The sun was starting to dip orange in the sky by the time she made it to the gate. Jim was there, kissing Elisabeth goodbye. She came over to hug Renée and asked if the woman had everything she needed.

“I think so,” Renée said. “I just hope we can come back soon.”

“Jim will watch your back,” Elisabeth told her. “You’ll be safe, alright?”

Renée chewed her lip and nodded. She took her place beside Jim and his Rover, which they would be sharing with Dunham. Another Rover, manned by a soldier Renée could only presume to be Guzman, was awaiting. He stood there with Corporal Reilly, whom Renée had met before. They exchanged a polite smile from the distance, though they turned in time to see Taylor and Washington approaching.

The two soldiers were talking amongst themselves. Or rather, Commander Taylor spoke, and Washington said ‘yes, sir’. When they reached the cars, her hand reached up to pick something off the Commander’s black jacket. He followed the movement and then barked a soft laugh. Renée looked away, jealous at how close they were, how they fretted over each other.

“Jesus, Wash, I’ll take you next time, how about that?” Taylor said.

“Safe journey, sir,” she replied, looking at the company he intended to keep. “I’ll hold down the fort.”

“Damn right you will.” Commander Taylor approached those awaiting him and raised a hand for the gate to be lifted. 

Renée stuck to Jim Shannon’s tall frame and she slunk into his vehicle while orders were delivered. Taylor said something about some outpost but Renée didn’t pay close attention. She hugged her backpack and gave Dunham a tiny smile which he returned.

“You know what this is really about?” Renée ventured and Dunham said he suspected something with Taylor’s son.

_Great_, thought Renée.

The journey took all night. She dozed in an out of sleep, grateful that she’d had the good conscience to dress warmly and bring a scarf. By morning they were at the outpost and Renée did not need to be told that they were very, very far from Terra Nova. They moved out of the Rover to make way toward the structure but everyone was on their guard and told to tread carefully. 

There was something off about this outpost. Not that Renée had seen one like it before but this one looked like it had been tampered with, by wildlife, given the cables that looked thoroughly chewed through, and someone, considering the strange markings all over. 

They were everywhere: walls, rocks, tree trunks. At first they seemed little more than the ramblings of a madman, or hieroglyphics. But then Renée took a closer look and realized these were calculations, complex ones, which made a whole lot of sense. Renée hadn’t done a ton of research on the time stream they were in, or how Terra Nova was even possible to access, but she knew enough to recognize that these were equations to reverse the process.

“A portal,” she murmured to herself when she got it. “A way back to 2149. But, why…?”

“Alright, listen up,” Taylor said aloud. Everyone stood to attention. “We split up, two parties. Shannon, you’re with Dunham and Riley, go northwest. I’m taking Guzman and the doctor southwest. We search the perimeter, 300-yard radius, contact via radio.”

“What are we looking for, sir?” Dunham asked.

“Any sign of where Lucas may have gone.” Taylor ground his teeth and cast a look of disgust at the markings on the outpost. “We’ll start inside but I know he was here. The rest of you, move out. Anything with large teeth comes at you, shoot to discourage, or get out of the way. That clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

Renée sighed and hoped this would be quick and painless. Something told her not to hold her breath. They went inside the outpost and Taylor led, with Guzman bringing up the rear, Renée useless between the two of them. The outpost looked like it had been redesigned from generic military center to science lab. And the markings, absolutely everywhere.

“It’s like Galileo was in here,” she caught herself saying. Thankfully, neither man seemed to hear her. 

When it was confirmed the outpost was empty, Taylor made the call to move out. 

“Let’s go, doc,” he said. Upon seeing Renée trailing, he added, “You know what any of this gibberish means?”

Renée turned worriedly to him. “I can tell you it’s not gibberish,” she said. "These are equations to open a portal in the other direction, back to 2149.” 

She adjusted her glasses and looked down, not wanting to have to bring up the lie between them. “From the looks of it, whoever wrote them was probably successful.”

"A portal going back?" he frowned deeply. "You sure about that?"

"The parts that I can understand indicate so," she answered. "I'm sure."

Taylor kept that troubled expression over his face, then repeated that they were to move out. Renée followed even though it would have proven extremely interesting to try and decipher some of the more complex formulas. Renée noticed many things were started and never completed, or finished on different walls. How this Lucas made sense of any of it was completely beyond her. 

They traveled the forest on this random search southwest and Renée had no idea where they were going. Every little sound set her on edge and she would have very much liked to have gotten back to Terra Nova, especially when the sounds became more menacing.

“I think we got a tail,” Commander Taylor finally announced in a low voice.

A cold sweat broke on Renée’s back and her heart began to hammer in her chest when Guzman agreed.

“That’s not good, right?” she stammered. “Cause that sounds bad to me. Can we turn back now?”

“‘Fraid not.” Taylor reached for his radio and said, “Shannon, come in.”

“Shannon to Taylor,” Jim’s voice answered a moment later.

“Status.”

“We got tracks leading nowhere after 300 yards, sir. Heading back to outpost. Over.”

“Okay,” Taylor said. “We got what sounds like juvie carnos on our tail. Report back when we shake ‘em loose. Over.”

“Good luck,” Jim said.

Renée gulped. Juvenile anything sounded terrible. And did Taylor mean Carnotaurus, as in, the massive carnivores? She shivered visibly when an unpleasant snarl cut through the woods. Other animals went silent at the sound of predators and Taylor had them begin to move again. 

They tried and failed to outrun the large predators stalking them and ended up being cornered. These puppies may have been juveniles but they were almost elephant height and Renée had never felt smaller in her life.

Commander Taylor and Guzman did their best, with their sonic guns, to try and scare off the predators. Renée nearly peed herself when they roared in her face. She screamed and cowered behind a tree. They spent the rest of that afternoon running, shooting, and screaming when it came to her (though Taylor repeatedly asked her not to do that), until it was close to nighttime.

“We’re gonna have to camp out,” Taylor said, consulting his radio like that thing had a GPS in it. “Outpost is too far and the carnos hunt better at night. Best we take precautions to keep them away.”

“Slasher dung, sir?” Guzman asked.

“Oh, you bet.”

Renée was too emotionally distressed to ask what the hell any of that meant. They made a fire and split up the tasks. Renée was happy to look after food and drink while the men went around doing whatever they did. It looked like they were painting the trees with some very questionable smelling stuff and Renée didn’t ask any questions, as long as they thoroughly washed their hands before getting close to her.

“Here,” she said, uncapping a bottle of hand sanitizer and pouring them both a generous amount. “It’ll kill the stink and probably a couple more germs you missed.”

Taylor and Guzman shared a look and chuckled gruffly when she sanitized her own hands after dealing with theirs. Dinner was uneventful. Night hunter birds flew overhead and cawed. Rumbles in the distance gave Renée pause. But there were no signs of carnos, which was just as well. 

A little later in the night, she added a few more logs to the fire to keep it going. Guzman took first watch upon Taylor’s orders and Renée rummaged through her backpack for the sleeping bag she’d packed.

“Smart girl,” Taylor said when he saw her draw it out. “Thought of everything, huh?”

Renée didn’t answer him, stretching the bag and testing that the zipper was still working. She excused herself from Taylor to go make water near the closest tree that hid her from view and cleaned up thoroughly, even managing to brush her teeth out there. 

Once she returned, she found Commander Taylor’s gaze lost in the embers. His expression was as heavy as that night at Command Post when she’d found him drinking alone. Suddenly, Renée knew she had to clear the air and confront him about what he told her. 

She went to sit on a thick log near him and he looked up at her while she tucked smaller affairs back in a pouch into her bag. Guzman was around but out of earshot, patrolling the perimeter.

“You’re upset about something,” Commander Taylor observed quietly. Maybe the petulant way she zipped and unzipped her pouch to put back little things was a giveaway. When Renée said nothing, he pressed, “What’s on your mind?”

“I am just trying to figure out whether you even mean that question,” she snapped, surprising herself.

Taylor's brows went up languidly. “Beg pardon?”

“Commander Taylor,” Renée said firmly. “You told me your son was sick, dying in 2149. Now we're looking for him in the jungle and what’s worse is, everyone in Terra Nova knows he's actually here. Everyone knew except me.” 

“How did you find out?” Taylor asked quietly.

“Does that really matter?” Renée scoffed. “I’ve been turned into a laughing stock. I was asked how I cooked up this fantasy about ‘Taylor’s son not being here’, when he arrived years ago.”

The man’s jaw shifted visibly and then clenched hard. Something alike to anger flashed across his icy eyes, but Renée was unsure it was directed toward her. She wanted to shrink into herself but his continued silence made her even more mad. There was no holding her back as she vented passionately on the subject.

“You and Malcolm,” she said. “You brought me here for a reason and kept me in the dark about it. You lied to me and as soon as I proved to be of use, then you pretended as if nothing ever happened.”

“That’s unfair.” At last, Commander Taylor spoke under his breath.

“To who?” Renée said. “What part of what I said is untrue?”

“Terra Nova,” he emphasized, “needs people who can be of use. The colony needs doctors, scientists. We need bright minds. You have a sharpness, doc, the likes of which we don’t see often.”

“Well,” Renée said heatedly. “This bright mind has had enough of being dragged around from one lab to the next, OTG, carnos chasing us--”

“What the hell do you want, doc?” Taylor said angrily. “Help me understand because right now, all I’m hearing is complaints. You said it yourself, this is a new lease on life for you. So, it’s not perfect, so what?”

Renée reflected that he was a frightening man to cross. And while she doubted this was the full extent of his anger, as he seemed to be holding back, she didn’t fancy tipping him over to that edge. She tried to reason with his words and wondered if she was coming across as childish.

Tears stung her eyes. Renée sniffled, cursing her sensitive nature, and removed her glasses to wipe her cheeks. She reached in her bag for a little pastel tube and laid on her hand cream.

She summoned the last of her courage and finally asked Taylor, “Why did you lie to me, Commander?” 

There was dismay across his strong face when she said that. Renée hadn’t expected to see it and was ill equipped to decipher its reasons. Was he feeling guilty, now that he was exposed, or did he merely want her to step away from the verge of tears?

“What hurts me,” she said to him, “is I felt I could trust you. Now, I’m not so sure. I tell myself maybe you didn’t think I could handle the whole truth but here I am, right? I have the whole truth and a part of me still wants to believe you had your reasons.”

“I do have my reasons,” Commander Taylor said. He looked weary and as much as Renée wanted to push, she had a feeling it would yield no results tonight. “Sounds to me like you’ve got them all worked out.”

Renée sighed deeply, hoping she hadn’t gotten Jim or Elisabeth in trouble by accident.

“Lucas is sick,” she said softly. “I don’t know exactly of what. It may be different to what the scientists had. I’d have to examine him properly.”

“Then, we’ll find a way to have you do that,” Taylor answered.

“My concern is this,” she raised. “If Lucas has somehow created or bottled what the scientists caught, we all risk being exposed.”

“It’s a good thing I brought the antidote along then.”

“It’s still a big risk,” she said, frowning at him. “I don’t know anything about how it’s administered. Do you realize how careful we have to be?”

Taylor chuckled dryly. “We got carnos after us, kid. I think I got it.”

She resented the casual way he used _kid_, perhaps because she interpreted it to mean he saw her as little more than that. She may not have been Maleficent Lieutenant Washington, and frankly much closer in age to Lucas than his sire, but Renée was still a woman. 

“Get some sleep, doc,” Taylor said. “We’ll keep watch. Just be ready for anything.”

Renée turned away from him at that dismissal. “Copy that,” she huffed and got into her sleeping bag.

In the end, she felt the lie he told was as unnecessary as her overreaction to it. While she couldn’t clearly see how the former had come about, Renée just wanted to move past it and go back to the way things were with the commander. Something told her it would be a while before that happened.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renée, Taylor, and Guzman figure out they are being set up to be killed in the jungle. They encounter Lucas and the commander asks Renée to help his son.

In the morning, Renée rose shortly after hearing Taylor and Guzman deliberate on the previous night. It had thankfully been carno free. She alerted them that she would just be a second to freshen up and returned very quickly after finding a freshwater brook. Taylor said they would be making their way back to the outpost to meet up with Jim and, if all went well, they’d have a better sense of where to find Lucas before returning to Terra Nova. She remained silent as they made way, quietly reflecting on their row the previous night. Renée decided she didn’t forgive Taylor. 

The man could have been honest with her and chose not to. She didn’t think it was too harsh not to forgive him but, deep down, she knew she still had a very big soft spot for him. It would take some time to get a little less mad at him and then perhaps she would move past this whole Lucas business. She wanted to put it from her mind and return to Terra Nova but, early afternoon was barely upon them when menacing sounds became audible all over again.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Renée groaned, gripping her backpack tightly and breathing deeply through her nose. “Why did we leave our safe, carno-free camp again?”

“Stay close, doc.” Taylor and Guzman were already brandishing their guns. Renée did not need to be told twice, especially when Taylor said he had a feeling this was more than the hungry carnos from last night. 

That honestly sounded way worse to Renée, who did not exactly have a ‘How To Survive Prehistorical Threats’ manual. Commander Taylor ought to write one, she thought grimly. For all her smarts, Renée’s fight or flight instincts focused mostly on the ‘flight’ part. She became aware that her heart rate increased so she narrowed her eyes and she tried to stay calm.

They were being stalked, just like yesterday, though it seemed like a rather uncanny coincidence that so many carnivores could be after them in such a short span of time. Then again, they were in the jungle, 85 million years in the past she knew, and anything was possible. A pterodactyl flew overhead, startling Renée, it’s shadow covering the brief patches of light on the forest floor. Taylor raised his gun on instinct but he did not shoot. They kept moving and the leaves and branches around them rustled dangerously. In the distance, the chatter of an animal cut through the forest, its laugh eerie and mocking. It sounded oddly human, too, which made the hairs on the back of Renée’s neck stand on their ends.

She was really scared by now and hoped the beasts, whatever they may be, would come out and eat them already. Make it quick, so she could die knowing it was foolish to agree to follow Commander Taylor and she ought to have just said ‘no’. They came without warning, tearing through the woods. Guzman fired, sonic pulsing through the forest and taking the dinosaur right in the face. 

The beast groaned horribly and recoiled, shaking off the blast. To Renée, a sonic blast seemed like the more humane, yet painful way to deter the animals. It had the potential, from a larger weapon, to kill. Renée was fairly confident Taylor and Guzman’s rifles could do no major damage.

The three of them broke into a run. As they moved quickly through the woods, barely outrunning the various predators after them, Taylor said something along the lines of ‘_this was a set up!_’. Renée wanted to laugh at such a ridiculous thing. How on earth could dinosaurs, of all creatures, collectively work together to set them up? Unless someone…

“Commander!” Renée shouted. 

She didn’t know how her eyes even fell upon the trap, woven deeply into the forest floor. Her skinny hand reached out in time to pull hard on his backpack. Taylor tumbled back into her and the weight of him nearly crushed her. A tiny, bipedal lizard skittered past them from behind, walked into the trap, and was thrust up into the air where it hung upside down by the feet.

“Nice one, doc,” Guzman said, sounding impressed.

Commander Taylor caught her eye and gave a look of immense surprise. After a moment, he began to smile, looking pretty impressed, too. “I knew bringing you along was a good call.”

“I think you were right,” she told him, once he helped her up. “This is an organized hunt and the animals are just playing their part.”

They decided to take another way but quickly back tracked when another four-legged, dragon-like beast decided to block their path. It nearly took a bite off Guzman’s arm.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Taylor grunted, shooting one blast of sonic before snatching Renée’s hand to draw her into a run she could barely keep up with. 

Everywhere they went, creatures leapt and lurked, until Commander Taylor had the genius idea to create a diversion. Fire.

“Are you out of your mind?” Renée bellowed. “You’re going to burn the jungle.”

For as scared as she was, she did not condone forest fires. 2149 had no remaining trees. California had gone first, in the United States, then the Amazon was decimated. By the time African wildernesses were drier than the Saraha, the WWF knew there was no hope left.

“I’m not setting the woods on fire, doc,” Taylor said, “but some of these creatures won’t stand down from sonic blasts alone. Come on. Help me make the stakes.”

They worked together until each one of them had something burning in their hands, to throw or use otherwise. That proved to work better than running wildly around trying to escape. They stood their ground and managed to discourage a few predators. Just when she thought they might be safe, given how quiet the wood grew, their real threat emerged. There he stood, unmoving among the trees. 

He was tall, gaunt like a spectre and his clothes were tatters. His face, dirty and scarred, had a pair of cold, shocking green eyes. Renée thought she was seeing things at first, until he moved ever so slightly, tilting his head at her. Her heart sank to the pit of her stomach.

“C-C-Commander Taylor?” she gasped softly, tugging at the strap of his bag and pointing.

The commander must have heard how utterly scared she sounded. He turned immediately and froze. Guzman raised his weapon. Renée did not need to wonder who this character was, for she had heard so many stories, both real and false, about his legend, that to see him in person made her shiver. In his eyes lay both intelligence and the naked instinct of animals. 

“Lucas,” Taylor said.

There was relief in Taylor’s tone like she’d never heard. She tore her gaze from Lucas for a moment to observe the commander. Renée could have sworn his mouth trembled, at a loss for words. In answer, the sound that came from Lucas was nothing human. Guzman lowered his gun and marveled, cursing softly. Commander Taylor approached his unpredictable son, calling his name again.

“Come here, son,” Taylor said, laughing softly, “let me look at you.”

Lucas grunted, throwing his head back in a mad call. Renée took a step back, frankly not sure what was more disturbing, the animals of this jungle, or Taylor’s mad son. Before long, a huge bird swept from the skies to land on the madman’s shoulder. Renée shuddered and hugged herself. This was what people meant, she realized, when they said Taylor’s son was beyond help. If he had grown so close to nature as so beckon animals with a few sounds, Renée was certain he had discarded his humanity. For that, the young woman was not sure there was an antidote.

“I have a cure, Lucas,” Taylor tried. “Got something that will help you get better. It’s right here in my bag, son, if you just… if you come here, we can get you all fixed up.”

Guzman warned Taylor not to get close, but the commander ignored him.

“Sir,” Guzman insisted.

“I got this, Guz.” 

Taylor lowered his weapons, raised his arms in surrender, and slowly approached his son. The bird at Lucas’ shoulder snapped angrily, giving the commander pause. That thing looked to Renée like it could easily take a man’s eye out. The breath caught in her throat as she worried and stuck close to Guzman, praying his instincts remained sharp in case they needed to get Taylor out.

“I’m not going to hurt you, son,” Taylor said. “I just want you to come home.”

Renée’s heart went out to the man. Here he was, faced with a feral man and a bird of prey, cawing and snapping menacingly at him, and all he wanted was his son back. Taylor took another step and Lucas snarled. The bird took off and danced right for the commander, beak targeting his face. Guzman shot a blast of sonic just in time to catch the beast mid flight.

Lucas flinched and Taylor saw his chance. The older man tackled his son and a wrestle ensued. Renée had trouble understanding what Taylor’s goal was. Surely, he did not plan to try and inject Lucas with the antidote. In the end, Commander Taylor got the best of his feral son and dealt him a monstrous blow to the head, knocking Lucas out cold. Taylor watched him grimly and turned to Guzman.

“Give me your cuffs,” the commander grunted.

“Sir?”

“Now,” Taylor shouted. “Before he wakes up.”

Renée could only stand and watch as Taylor and Guz restrained Lucas. She found the whole ordeal disconcerting. When they finished, Taylor instructed Guz to watch their prisoner and made his way over to her.

“I need to know if you packed anything in that bag that could help him stay asleep for a little longer,” Taylor said.

“I think you knocked him out pretty cold, Commander,” Renée said.

Commander Taylor gave her a blank look and waited.

“You mean sedatives?” Renée scoffed. “I didn’t exactly plan to come out here to tranquilize a man.”

“Save it, doc,” Taylor said impatiently. “You have something or not?”

She looked over at Guz, not liking this one bit, and then sighed. “I have a muscle relaxer,” she said reluctantly. “Its got soporific properties.”

“Good.” He gestured at his son’s prone form. “Give it to him.”

Renée really didn’t want to do that. She was tempted by the idea of resisting. But then, the thought of Commander Taylor turning over her bag, until she told him what was what, flashed across her mind’s eye and she gulped. If she refused, he’d strong arm her into agreeing. So, Renée let another sigh loose and got to work.

“That should hold him for a good while,” she told Commander Taylor after administering the substance.

“Good. We got a small outpost couple of klicks from here, doesn’t see much activity due to bad signal.” Taylor looked from her to Guzman. “That’s where we’re going.”

“What about Shannon, sir?” Guzman asked.

“We’ll catch up to them.” Taylor shouldered Lucas without so much as a grunt. “I gotta look after my son. Let’s go.”

They moved out, Taylor leading them, with Renée following and Guzman watching their back. Lucas must have had a hand in the animals after them because from the time he was taken out, there wasn’t so much as a rodent in sight. Taylor knew this jungle extremely well, a concerning fact in itself. They reached the outpost some time in the afternoon and tasks were given out. Guzman was to secure the perimeter at least fifty yards out.

Renée was asked to set up a makeshift clinic in the outpost. Taylor wanted her to take a proper look at his son.

“What are you going to do?” she asked him.

“I’m gonna make sure he doesn’t bite when he wakes up.”

She did not want to know what that meant, quickly moving to get out her things. She snuck a very quick snack to carry her over at least until evening. Then, she grabbed her water bottle and was grateful the contents hadn’t spilled. Taylor worked to strap his son down as best he could. Renée frowned at his precision, getting the eerie sense he had done this kind of thing before to unfortunate prisoners.

Eventually, she felt sorry for the man and went up to him, offering him her water bottle. Taylor looked at first like he wasn’t sure what she wanted him to do with it.

“When’s the last time you had something to drink?” she pointed out.

The commander nodded and thanked her, finishing the contents of her bottle. Renée pulled off her shirt and got to work in a tank top. She examined Lucas from head to toe with various miniature scanning devices. To his bones, she found no alarming damages. There were some old breaks which seemed to have found the time to heal, so she decided not to pester Taylor with that. He was nervous enough as it were, hovering nearby, watching her work.

Renée then scanned Lucas for any injuries to the flesh and organs. She found some evidence of bruising, some mild inner bleeding that would be better attended at Terra Nova and told the commander about that.

“Physically, he seems in decent health aside from his weight, and that blow you dealt him,” she said frankly. “I don’t know how he’s been surviving but nature has a way to provide. His organs are functioning just fine.”

The last thing Renée did was a cerebral scan. She left it to last because it was the most complicated of the three processes. The devices brought along weren’t the most advanced and took a little longer to yield results. The cranial scans on Lucas made her pause. On one hand, she could see certain areas were far more active than others. But that did not mean there were no issues. She frowned at the results, trying to understand. The parts responsible for language and coherence were perfectly normal, which was the exact opposite for the scientists she had treated.

“How is he?” Taylor asked when she was silent for nearly thirty minutes.

“Frankly, I don’t know yet,” she told him worriedly. “His scans do not match that of the scientists. If you look here,” she showed him the results, “the brain activities are fired up and alive, even while he rests. That would explain how he was capable of solving all those formulas. Those people at the lab had different scan results. In fact, they looked like this after we administered the cure.”

“So, what are you saying?”

There was uncertainty and concern in her brown eyes. “I’m saying, I don’t think Lucas suffers from quite the same thing.”

Taylor took a moment to let that sink in and stepped away from Renée. The outpost was not very large but it still gave a man room enough to pace back and forth.

“What can you do for him, doc?” Taylor asked her from the entrance. “You said you could help. I mean, you said… you said you’d do this for me.”

Renée frowned, her heart breaking for Commander Taylor. She did not have the words to admit to him that she felt clueless in this particular case. Without the resources at the Terra Nova lab, without things to cross check and reference, she was stuck. She knew from the worried look he gave her that he expected her to perform magic. Pull something out of a hat and make Lucas feel better.

“I just…” she removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. Renée took a deep breath. “I just need some time. Actually, I could use your help.”

Taylor stepped forward eagerly at that, ready to do anything she asked.

“On the way, I saw a few species of plants that I recognized from the catalogs, for their medicinal and holistic purposes,” she told him. “I’m going to draw you a couple of leaf samples, with patterns. If you can fetch those for me, that would be really great.”

“What are they for?” Taylor asked, once Renée had supplied him the drawings.

“They are hallucinogens,” she told him honestly. “But when administered to someone suffering from limited speech functions, like Lucas displayed, their effect can temper the front cortal processes and… organize words, if you will. I know it sounds crazy but it’s been tested and it’s all natural. Trust me, I’ve written journals on this stuff.” She smiled encouragingly at him. “Now, go. Guz is here, if anything happens.”

“Alright,” Taylor said. “I’ll be back in a few.”

He grabbed his gun, signaled to his man outside where he was going, and finally Renée breathed a sigh of relief. She needed to get him out of the outpost, finding herself incapable to work with his hovering. She could have asked him to just get out, but it would be dark soon and being outside might not be very safe. She figured she only had about an hour or so to properly focus on her patient. Renée inhaled deeply and got to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another chapter I recently reworked toward the end parts. In the original draft, Lucas was perfectly coherent and echoed some of the sentiments of resentment he has toward in father as seen in the show. I decided to change it up a little, as I was charmed by the idea of writing a 'wild man', sort of Enkidu-esque, if you will. That means I'll have to alter the already written next chapter as well, but mostly to smooth the plot over and explain the equations business a little more.
> 
> What I like the most about this chapter and the previous one is the dose of reality, when it comes to Taylor, that Renée is getting. I feel that up to this OTG mission/the lie he tells, she had a very myopic view (no pun intended) of Taylor. She had an intense crush and she's now learning more about the actual man, and not her idea of him. Taylor is a bit problematic even in the series and I wanted to bring out a bit more of that, to show there is a lot she has yet to learn about him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renée manages to get Lucas stable for some time. She becomes privy to his complicated relationship with his father. Commander Taylor opens up to her about why he lied, and when Lucas escapes, Taylor sets out on his own to go after him, until Renée intervenes.

It was a lot easier to think with Commander Taylor gone. Renée took another frank assessment of Lucas and got the wheels in motion. She rummaged through her things and mixed appropriate doses of various elements. Biting her lip, she paused before administering anything, triple checking with herself. A few more scans were run and to be safe, she checked Lucas’s vitals again. She checked his tongue, she had a look at the rest of him while the small cerebral reader did its work.

At last, she took a seat and waited. Commander Taylor had been gone for over an hour and Renée started to worry. Looking out, it was full dark out. The man should have been back by now. 

“Anything?” she asked Guzman, who stood watch at the door.

“Nothing yet.” He was anxious too, in spite of how he tried to hide it. “I should go out there looking for him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she told him, getting to her feet. “And something tells me Taylor wouldn’t want you to.”

Renée joined him at his place and got on the tip of her toes. She could barely see through the door’s lookout hole and cursed her short stature.

“Wait, I think I see something out there,” Guz said, approaching the door.

“Something human or something feral?” 

The soldier didn’t answer. A knock landed on the heavy metal door and Renée breathed a sigh of relief.

“It’s dark as hell out there,” Commander Taylor complained. “I couldn’t see a damn thing if the moon was hidden. Doc,” he called for her. “How’s my son?”

Renée was very glad to see him, even if it had only been a little longer than expected.

“Lucas is fine,” she said, “so far as I can tell. I’m guessing he’s going to wake up soon.”

“Alright. I got you those plants you asked for.” Taylor patted his pant pockets and Renée saw they were stuffed with leaves. She smiled softly at his overachieving nature. “I think I have enough.”

“It’s plenty.” 

She helped Taylor unpack and took the samples to her makeshift work desk. He’d done a good job finding exactly what she was looking for and he’d brought way too much. Renée got to slicing and grinding, knowing what she was doing, while the Commander relieved his soldier after locking the outpost down.

Taylor went over to Lucas and sat beside him, watching him for any changes. Renée observed the two of them over her work and softened at the sight of the commander so obviously caring for his son. She focused on her work and got a few of the more advanced medicinal tools to perfect her brew. There was water involved and before long, she had a syrup.

Renée had no plans to try it. Hallucinating in this situation would be a very bad idea. But she went over to Taylor and administered the concoction to Lucas. If it weren’t sheer luck, she might have called herself a witch-doctor, considering how quickly the younger Taylor stirred after that. Lucas looked lost and resisted his restraints at first. Then, Commander Taylor soothed him, speaking gently to him and telling him there was nothing to worry about.

When Lucas opened his mouth to speak, Renée’s breath caught in her throat. A funny sound came out at first but then the puzzled man cleared his throat and tried again.

“Dad?” he said to the commander.

“That’s right.” The smile on Taylor’s face could light up the night outside. “It’s me. It’s your old dad. How are you feeling, son?”

Lucas tried sitting up again and found he could barely move. Commander Taylor remained silent on that and his son cast his eyes around, seeing Renée and Guzman.

“You’re new,” he said softly to her. “Eleventh pilgrimage?”

Renée looked at Commander Taylor, not sure she should engage. In the end she stuck to her corner and said nothing.

“Where are we?” Lucas asked. “Doesn’t look like Terra Nova.”

“Outpost,” Taylor answered stiffly.

“My calculations…” Lucas suddenly remembered. “Where are they?”

“What were you calculating, Lucas?” Taylor asked him. “Scuffing up the walls to my outpost without permission.”

Lucas remained quiet at that. A strange look crossed his eyes and it was one that made Renée think he would go back to grunting and growling. He seemed tame for the moment but she had a feeling the things she’d administered would not last very long.

“I want to go back in time,” Lucas answered at last.

“Back to 2149?” Taylor said.

“Yes, and no.” The prisoner struggled with his binds and snarled crossly. “Why am I tied up, dad? What is this? Scared I’m going to attack someone again? Isn’t that why they ran me out of Terra Nova?”

“You left on your own,” Taylor replied sharply. “No one ran you out. Ten search parties. I sent ten search parties after you. Led every charge myself and we couldn’t find you. Where the hell have you been?”

Lucas began to laugh softly. “I’ll tell you, if you untie me.”

Renée felt like she was being privy to a conversation not meant for her. On one hand was Commander Taylor, both relieved and stricken with the state of his son. She felt like he might punch him again at any moment, if not hug him. And then was Lucas, clearly toying with his father and, it seemed to Renée, not in the least happy to see him. She got the sense that Lucas could not be trusted. If the animals after them earlier had not convinced her, the way he interacted with his father was all the proof she needed.

“I’m going back to 2149,” Lucas said. “My calculations are complete. I can make the portal go both ways and I have no doubt Hope Plaza will be very happy about it.”

“Tell me why,” Taylor said viciously.

Renée turned away at that moment and went to sit in a corner. She couldn’t watch this.

“To see you off your throne,” Lucas answered. “How much longer do you think you’ll head this colony? Someone’s going to come and replace you.”

Commander Taylor was so quiet, Renée did not expect him to answer. When she turned, she only saw a look of hurt in his eyes, as his son described all the wonderful ways he intended to betray him once he got the portal to open the other way. She hadn’t imagined them to have such a complex relationship. 

“And then I’m going to find the time stream all this happened in,” Lucas went on rambling, more and more loudly. “And I’m going to go back to 2138, to change everything. I’m going to make sure you get what you deserved and not her—” His speech cut out when Commander Taylor struck him.

The punch drew blood. Lucas laughed wildly and raised his voice, his words slowly transforming into the mad chatter of an animal. Renée realized with alarm she had heard this insane and eerie laugh before in the woods. It spooked her now just as much as it had then. Commander Taylor marched toward her and asked for the tranquilizers. When Renée stammered there wasn’t a lot of doses left, he snapped that she administer everything that was left. All of it. And whatever else she’d given him.

By the time she approached, Lucas was trashing and making no coherent sounds. It took both Guzman and Taylor to hold him down so she could do the quick work. Within a few minutes, his wild movements slowed and then Lucas calmed, drifting to peaceful sleep. They all looked relieved at that. Renée wanted to ask what Lucas had been talking about, wanting to return to a different year, but she felt it was best to leave Taylor alone that night. She returned to her work desk and made more of the herbal mix, among a few other things. With any luck, it would keep Lucas tempered for the remainder of the night.

“I’m going to try and sleep,” she told the men, shortly after they had something quick and efficient to eat. 

Taylor grunted that Guzman do the same. He’d keep watch for part of the night, even if they were relatively safe in the locked outpost. Renée went to her things, pulled out her sleeping bag and burrowed into it. In spite of how thoroughly exhausted she was, sleep was denied to her as she lay awake for hours, her mind buzzing. Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get up.

Renée found Commander Taylor sitting beside his son, watching him intently. His eyes were distant and sad, a look that quickly cleared when he saw her rise.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked in a low voice. Guzman was snoring softly nearby.

Renée shook her curly head and went to sit beside the commander. “I can’t shut my mind off.”

Taylor accepted her company and in silence, the two watched over Lucas.

“He’s always been a bright kid,” Taylor said unexpectedly. “Gets it from his mother. She was a little bit like you, actually.” 

Renée turned a soft scoff his way at those words. Apparently Lucas’s mother had been a bright, accomplished woman in her own right. How she went for someone like Taylor was still beyond him, according to the soldier. Renée nearly interjected at that. He seemed unwilling to recognize the extent of his appeal. At his advanced age, it was both curious and endearing.

“I gave Malcolm an ultimatum,” Commander Taylor admitted. “Help my son or I throw him OTG, no weapons. You were his solution.”

They shared a look at that and Renée realized he was opening up to her, something he hadn’t managed the previous night.

“We brought you on to do what you did here tonight,” Commander Taylor said. “I know I lied about it. But you know something, doc, when you spend years being the only person that still cares about the madman of your colony… because he’s your son, sometimes it’s just easier to lie.”

Renée placed her hand on his knee and patted it gently. Even now, his bodily warmth was palpable through his clothes. She understood, after they brought Lucas in, and after she saw the sort of conversation he had with his father; how he unraveled at the end of it.

“I haven’t lied to you about anything else,” Taylor said quietly, looking at her hand.

“I know,” Renée supplied. “I understand. It’s alright.”

“It’s not. I don’t want your distrust, doc,” he said, his blue eyes on her face, “not after this. You know, this is the most lucid I’ve seen my son in years. That’s thanks to you.”

Renée retrieved herself and hugged her arms. She was uncomfortable all of a sudden and Commander Taylor was very perceptive. He almost immediately asked her what the problem was.

“I think he’s going to need a lot of medication,” she told him frankly. “It’s no way to live, but it’s the best I can foresee for the time being, once we get him back to the colony. After that, I will find a way to make him stable but…”

“But?”

Renée sighed deeply and considered the man seriously. “I can’t make his issues go away, Commander Taylor. His disdain and the history between you, it’s… it has something to do with all this, I’m sure of it. I’m not asking for anything you don’t wish to share but, you have to know the best I can do for him will come in the form of science.”

Commander Taylor gave his consent with a solemn nod. He understood what she was saying and without going into detail, expressed it was all he asked for. If it took more medication, so be it. He only wanted his son back.

“I was so proud when he first came here,” he told Renée. “But sometimes I think he would have been better off in the future. This place, it… it changed him for the worse.”

“You can’t blame yourself for that,” Renée said to him, bumping her arm against his. “It’s not your fault he is like this.”

“Sometimes I think it is.” Taylor turned from Renée and she saw immeasurable remorse, which she did not understand, written across his face. “Get some shut eye, doc. We got a long day ahead of us tomorrow to find Shannon and the others.”

Renée wanted to speak some more but the commander was retreating into himself. Her time with him was up. She told him to wake Guz when his watch was over, so he could get some sleep too, but something told her he wouldn’t do that. Renée fell asleep easier the second time around and awoke to the sound of Lucas and Taylor having, to her surprise, a normal conversation. Had something been administered to the young genius whilst he slept?

Lucas apologized profusely and Commander Taylor told him things were going to be alright now. They even hugged, which touched Renée, though she saw the son was still restricted at the wrists, even after asking to be freed.

“Just as soon as we got our Rovers,” Taylor promised.

They exited the outpost and started their journey. Renée hadn’t given Lucas anything that morning, encouraged by his coherence. Later, she would reflect that it might have been safer to keep him sedated. Lucas was smart. They walked for about an hour before he knocked against his father to throw him off balance and went right back to being feral. He called on his jungle friends and Renée could not believe how one human could be so attuned to prehistoric animals as to summon them.

It was the past two days all over again. A new ambush ensued, slashers this time, and it was all Renée could do not to lose her mind. Guzman became distracted keeping the roaring slashers at bay and Taylor was occupied with his son.

“No!” he snarled, “Lucas!”

Renée saw the younger Taylor making a run for it. Commander Taylor immediately followed, trying to catch his escaping son, and nearly walked right into the claws of a slasher. If it weren’t for Guzman’s quick thinking, the head of Terra Nova might have wound up being lunch.

“We gotta go, sir,” Guzman said.

“No, I’m not leaving without Lucas.”

“Guzman is right, Commander,” Renée said. “We can’t stay here. Come on.”

It took a bit more coaxing to convince the older man but eventually, they retreated to safety. For all they knew, more large animals would rush after them any moment. Taylor had an unreadable look on his face as he brought up the rear of the party, gun raised. Guzman led them but after a moment, Commander Taylor called their halt.

Renée sighed and wondered what now. Commander Taylor turned out to be absolutely obsessed with finding his son and he was intent on doing it alone this time. In truth, she couldn’t blame him, but going after Lucas alone in the jungle, with slashers hunting them was a terrible idea.

“Take the doctor back to the initial outpost. Should be five klicks northwest of here. Call Shannon when you arrive. I’m going back out there for Lucas.”

“But, sir-” Guzman began.

“That’s an order. Go.” He shot Renée a dark look, jutting his chin to indicate that she follow after the soldier and before long, he made his way back.

“He’s crazy,” she told Guzman anxiously. “We can’t just leave him out there alone. What if one of those things attacks him?”

“I follow orders, ma’am,” Guzman said. “Let’s get back to the outpost.”

Renée had a bad, bad feeling about all of this. After a few minutes of walking, she told Guzman she had to pee.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I’ve been holding it for a while. It’s a miracle I didn’t pee myself.”

“I’ll wait for you right here,” he said politely.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, truly meaning it this time, because when Renée left the soldier, she ditched him entirely. 

A few minutes later as she hid behind a tree to lose him, she hoped he’d forgive her if they ever saw each other again. She hoped he’d make it back to the outpost safe.

Once she was all alone, Renée realized just how stupid her idea was. It was nearly impossible to find Commander Taylor in all this. She had no idea where she was, every tree looked the same, and she couldn’t follow tracks for shit. By some luck, she found their ditched torches and Renée saw that one was missing. That meant Taylor had come this way. The sound of water caught her attention and Renée went toward it, thinking at least it would lead to more open ground. It led her to large rocks by a stream and no sooner than Renée descended toward it, did a huge arm come snatching her up from behind.

Her heart jumped in her throat and she thought this was it. She was in the clutches of the madman and Lucas, having spent so much time with the carnos, would eat her alive.

“What the hell are you doing?” Commander Taylor outright shouted at her.

“Oh, thank goodness.” Renée turned to face him and touched his chest, to make sure he was really there. “I didn’t think I could find you--”

“I told you to go with Guz,” he snapped, irritably swatting her hand away. “Are you insane? You could have gotten yourself killed.”

“Yeah, well, you too!” she said with a frown. “If you think you dragged me all the way out here just to let you run off on your own, you’re off your rocker, old man.”

She wasn’t sure if it was the rocker part, or ‘old man’ that got him, but for the first time, Commander Taylor was startled into silence. The man had no comeback, only a very disapproving look once the surprise cleared up.

“You’re only going to slow me down,” he said. “I need to find my son before it’s too late.”

“And I really don’t think giving him a dose of my antidote is going to do anything,” Renée answered. He glared at her and she did not back down. Wash may have but she would not. “Look, you need me. If you can get him to come peacefully, I can reassess him and see what can be done until we get back to Terra Nova. Otherwise, no way in hell I’m letting you run around out here on your own. I don’t care how many days you spent here alone before. I saved you from walking into a trap, remember?”

Taylor took a deep breath and Renée could tell he was annoyed. She could also tell she had won this little argument by logic.

“Fine,” he said. “You stick close, do what I tell you. I tell you to run, you say how fast. Got it?”

“Alright,” she replied. “Let’s go.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After ditching Guzman, Renée and Commander Taylor manage to track down Lucas at the portal leading to Hope Plaza. A struggle between father and son ensues, and Lucas seemingly manages to successfully activate the portal, until something goes wrong and causes two shockwaves.

They traveled for a good while before Renée began to understand why Taylor was surprised she understood Lucas's markings. They were everywhere. Some did not make any sense to her but many were clear. There were diagrams and charts, numbers and sentences. It was like the entire forest was a massive chalkboard for an infinite mind. They searched for that whole day and thankfully, there were no animals on their tail. Once evening came she and Taylor camped and he tried to reach Jim or Guzman on the radio but no luck. 

“Damn thing,” he cursed, tossing the radio aside.

“The signal must be awful here,” Renée mused aloud.

She watched him get started on a fire and she cobbled together something they could eat. Renée had done very well planning ahead for this mission. She was ready to camp for at least five days and then some. It must be why Taylor had been adamant about bringing her along, even if he too had done a fine job of packing supplies. They spoke little that night over the fire. His thoughts cast a distant and dark look on his face and Renée did not think anything she said would bring him out of the bad mood.

“I’m going to patrol for the night,” he announced after a while, “make sure we get no surprises.”

Renée was in her sleeping bag when a thought began to nag at her. She removed her glasses, set them in their case, and nibbled her lip worriedly with minty teeth.

“Commander Taylor?” she began. 

The silver haired man turned from where he stood, gun in one arm, to appraise her.

“I know I shouldn’t have ditched Guzman to come after you. That was dumb,” she admitted. “But… you’re not going to leave me here alone, right? And go looking for Lucas in the dark?”

Taylor frowned, looking as if that was the last thing he expected to hear. For a moment, when he did not speak, she thought perhaps leaving her had been his plan all along. At last, Taylor showed a soft smile.

“It’s only a few meters, doc,” he said. “I’ll be right here when you wake up. Don’t you worry about that.”

Renée returned his smile, because his tone had been gentle. The anger and irritation from earlier was gone. She set her head down and drifted to a fitful sleep, riddled with Lucas’s deranged laugh and carnos chasing them. By morning Renée looked and felt exhausted but, Commander Taylor was still there, already packing up. They picked up travel and after about an hour, he said it might be worth heading toward the portal. Lucas could be there. After all, he had mentioned reversing the process so it was worth a shot.

All that day, Taylor seemed annoyed by the shitty radio signal, but Renée could see he longed for his son. There was a raw honesty to him, a couple of days ago, when he’d told Lucas he wanted him to come home. He looked hurt, knowing Lucas had been working on a way to connect back to that old, polluted world. It went against every ideal Taylor had for Terra Nova and his vision for it, and to have Lucas speak so openly of betraying him was taxing.

It took them all day to reach the portal. Signal here was even worse, considering the high levels of interference, even with low activity. Taylor kept his gun out at all times, while Renée tried to match how alert he was. For all her efforts, Renée barely noticed that he stopped in his tracks as she walked right into his bag. Taylor was gazing intently at the portal, like there was something off with it.

“Someone’s here,” he murmured. “Stay close.”

Renée grew nervous, really not liking where this was going. She had a feeling they would encounter another horrible beast or worse, Lucas. For a moment, she felt a wave of disgust at her trepidation. She cared about Commander Taylor and in spite of how unstable his son proved, she should not have dreaded encountering Lucas. The commander wouldn’t let any harm come to her. Besides, she ditched a ticket home to be here with him.

They made their way around the portal and saw nothing of interest. Just as they were circling back, it hummed to life suddenly and began to pulse. Renée nearly jumped out of her skin. Taylor grasped her arm to draw her away from the portal. He looked at it warily, like he’d never seen it quite like this when a pilgrimage was not expected. His surprise was as prominent as Renée’s. That’s when their stalker joined them. 

“Ah, father.” Lucas approached, a strange, boxy tool in hand. 

It seemed to power the portal and Renée had no idea how he did it. She was struck by how clear his speech was, how lucid he was, considering the previous day. If anyone had recounted this ordeal to her, she might have said they were lying. But having seen Lucas’s state herself, she had no idea how he could be like this now.

“Lucas,” Commander Taylor warned.

“You’re just in time for the show,” Lucas said. “What do you think? Should we send some dinosaurs back, or see who’ll come through the portal? It’s going to open from anywhere on the other side, just to keep things interesting.”

In response, Commander Taylor raised his gun and pointed it at his son. Renée backed away, wanting to cover her eyes. Had she done so, she might have failed to notice the disturbance in the jungle. There was an unusual amount of wind suddenly picking up and the chatter of unsettled animals.

“You don’t have to do this, Lucas,” the commander said.

“Don’t you dare,” Lucas retorted darkly, pausing in his strides. “After everything you’ve done? The things you could have prevented..”

“Lucas…” Commander Taylor shook his head, as a man with a great shame does.

“You could have chosen her, and you didn’t. And every day since, you’ve made me think it’s my fault she died—”

“It’s not that simple, Lucas.” The commander lowered his gun and approached his son.

“Step back,” Lucas shouted. “You as good as killed her. You want to know why I’m insane, dad? It’s because you made me stand there and watch my mother die a slow, painful death. And for that, you’re going to pay.”

Taylor opened and closed his mouth, but no words came. Renée couldn’t tear her eyes from that exchange, in spite of how dangerously the portal hummed. She wasn’t an expert but, Lucas’s dabbling was doing something bad. Without warning, he made up his mind on this entire situation and maneuvered the strange tool in his hand. The portal roared a blue light and the wind around them intensified. Taylor decided to attack his son and try pulling him from the brink.

Renée realized how powerless she was when she watched the two men fight. The commander fought to have his son as far from that portal as possible. In spite of everything, he still wanted Lucas back. He still wanted his son to be okay. She felt his love in their struggle and it was rivaled only by the intense fear she felt for the commander. One false step and he could be gone, back to 2149, and away from her.

“Commander!” she cried out.

But Taylor didn’t hear her. Lucas, in spite of being gaunt, was incredibly strong and proved again to be a match for his father. He kneed the commander roughly and made a scramble for his strange object. Renée saw her chance to make a run for Taylor. He would be so pissed about this later, but she had to try. She was nearly there when a blue-white light engulfed their surroundings, outright blinding Renée for a moment.

“Lucas!” Taylor shouted.

Renée recoiled as she felt an intense tug from the portal. This was not normal. The ground began to quake in a way that bode ill for the jungle.

“Commander Taylor,” she called out, “we have to leave! This place won’t make it.”

But Renée could barely make out her own voice in all the whirring, humming, and the shouting between father and son. She wished there was a lever she could pull to put an end to all of this. When she could see again, Lucas was going right for the light and Commander Taylor was following him. Their only deterrent was the strong wind.

“We have to go, Commander!” Renée said. This time, he heard her.

“I’m not leaving without my son,” Taylor shouted back, “not again. No.”

“Please Taylor,” Renée screamed, tears in her eyes. “I’m not leaving without you. I can’t leave without you.”

All at once, there was a blast, like a fuse cutting short. Lucas, who was practically almost inside the portal, suddenly shouted. His clothes began to combust and he screamed before long, the sound manic and haunting.

“Lucas!” Taylor shouted, going right for him. 

Renée could only watch with horror as the father threw his frame right to the son’s in some insane attempt to put out the flames. He should have just thrown Lucas to the ground and made him roll. But Lucas was losing the last shreds of his mind and the flames colliding against the electromagnetic field of the portal were a bad combination.

Another burst from the portal ensued, the wave rippling through the air and shocking Commander Taylor back. Renée toppled hard from the wave. Lucas was gone. The forest grew deceptively quiet for a moment as the portal collected into a cloud of smoke.

“Lucas.” Commander Taylor dragged himself to his feet and searched everywhere. “No… Lucas!”

Renée could barely move from the impact of that shockwave, having thrown her back a dozen feet at least. She groaned, pain radiating through her, and accepted this was just as bad as taking a sonic blast. There was no sign of Lucas, regardless of how Taylor searched. Only that strange tool was left behind. Taylor picked it up quickly and tried to figure out what it was, to no avail.

A rumbling nearby caught Renée’s attention. It made the ground shake and for a long while, she believed it was an incoming earthquake. Renée sat up with difficulty, turned her head, and realized it was not an earthquake, but the next worst thing.

“We have to move,” she warned Taylor, wincing painfully at her sore limbs. “Something’s happening. Commander, are you listening?”

Commander Taylor was not listening. He was over that smoking portal, in the destruction of his son. The woods began to shift more aggressively and it wouldn’t take a genius to realize this was a stampede, likely caused by the disturbance the explosion had brought on. Renée had been through enough and seriously did not fancy being crushed to death by dinosaurs. Commander Taylor also realized the danger and at last, turned his attention to her safety. He grabbed her arm and pulled her up roughly.

Renée screamed, alerting Taylor she was in pain. 

“Let’s move, doc,” Taylor urged, helping her as best he could. 

It was no use trying to outrun spooked predators of all sizes in their own endeavor to escape. Eventually, Commander Taylor seized Renée by the waist and thrust her up a thick tree.

“Grab that branch,” he shouted. “You climb as hard as you can.”

Renée had no idea what was happening or where in her life she ever learned to climb, but she grabbed the damn branch and held on for dear life. She thought Taylor was right behind her until she heard his shout of pain. Renée looked down and saw the part of his pants that had torn at the lower leg. Something large razed his leg and ripped off a good chunk of skin. It did not deter him from getting to safety and with immense effort, he steered clear of the stampede and got up there with her. By the time it was over and they came back down, he was bleeding so badly, his entire body had paled.

“Here, drink this,” Renée said, giving him water, and immediately beginning to treat him. 

Thank goodness she still had her backpack. She took care of the bleeding first and ensured the wound was thoroughly disinfected before administering the strongest dose of tissue sealant the labs at Terra Nova had in their stores. They used these strong doses for emergencies and as far as Renée was concerned, a good chunk of Taylor’s leg missing so much skin and showing that much flesh was an emergency. Once the injury was sufficiently coated with the healing properties, she began to seal it for cleanliness, and faster recovery. 

It was a laborious task but Commander Taylor bore it all like a man. Finally, Renée assessed whether anything was broken with her portable x-ray machine. She found a bad sprain and attempted to right it as best she could. He ground his teeth and grunted, remaining utterly silent otherwise. The wood was quiet after the stampede, which was a blessing. 

“You’re going to need something to keep you aligned,” she said, sweat lightly beading her hairline. “Otherwise, the sprain will get worse with any pressure you apply to it.”

Taylor nodded and asked if he could find anything to help. Renée sighed and appraised his weary face. The shock of seeing his son combust like that was still written all over it.

She smiled at him bravely. “No,” she answered. “I’ll just fetch some wood for planks. Do you have a knife?”

He provided one from his boot and Renée got to work. She soon learned she was very bad at making things of any nature. Commander Taylor offered his services again and the process went much faster. Eventually, they had stakes solid enough to cast Taylor’s leg. She used her belt to bind it tightly. 

Taylor tested the cast and nodded his satisfaction. He’d be mobile enough until they reached a rover. Night fell and Renée took care of starting their fire. Commander Taylor hadn’t said much of anything since the end of the stampede and, while she understood why, it was really starting to freak her out.

“I’m going to get some water,” she raised at length. “There’s a stream closeby, don’t worry.”

Not that she was even sure he was worried. She went and came back quickly, not liking being out in the dark alone, in spite of the immense moon shining overhead and clearing her way. They had dinner but Taylor barely ate. Renée had to force his bites and point out the fact that he needed at least a few nutrients to make up for the lost blood. She ensured he stayed hydrated as well, in spite of how stubborn he wanted to be.

When the hour grew late, Renée decided to get some sleep. Taylor had not responded to her prompts when she asked if he needed anything. In spite of how doubtful she was about finding rest that night, sleep took her the moment she closed her eyes. In the morning she found Commander Taylor sitting in the exact same place he’d been the previous night. He looked like he hadn’t even blinked all night. Renée, after cleaning up, went to crouch before him and put a hand to his shoulder.

“I am so sorry for what happened yesterday,” she told him sincerely. “Lucas didn’t deserve that and neither did you.”

Commander Taylor turned from that fixed place to acknowledge Renée. He was silent, in spite of how bright his eyes suddenly grew. Seeing it made her heart ache. She drew close enough to wrap her thin arms around the strength of him but this time, she lent him her strength. 

Though quiet, his hold across her small back was tight, and she sensed the way every muscle in him trembled with grief. Renée didn’t know for how long they sat thus, unwilling to withdraw first. She reflected on the tragedy and selfishly thought she was at the very least glad he was still here with her. Had Taylor stepped into that portal, Renée would not have managed to cope.

Eventually, the commander withdrew from the embrace and cleaned the grief from his face. Renée gave him a moment to collect himself and then they set off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A dark chapter for Commander Taylor, giving Renée a lot to process, not only with what she's heard Lucas say, but his injury, and how this man she cares about will deal with what happened to his son.
> 
> While Lucas catches fire in this chapter and essentially seems to fall into the portal, I do not know whether he is alive or dead. It's ambiguous, just like the last episode of Terra Nova. I will say that Taylor will mourn the loss of his son as if he were dead. 
> 
> This chapter initially took place at an outpost, then I realized that doesn't make the most sense in terms of opening a portal back to Hope Plaza/2149. Since I rewrote it, I'll be making edits to the next chapter(s) to include mentions of potential repairs of the portal. Though, it would also be interesting to cut Terra Nova off from the future in this fic, just as they've done in the show.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On their way back to a better equipped outpost, Renée takes a dramatic fall and is separated from Commander Taylor for 3 days. When they reunite, she finally admits to having feelings for him.

The first day of traveling on a bad leg was extremely difficult for Commander Taylor. He leaned heavily on Renée’s small shoulders and, as much as she wanted to help ease his pain, she found herself exhausted within only a couple of hours. She was relieved when he suggested they take a break, citing the injury. Sweat had broken onto his brow but a part of Renée suspected he asked to break more for her than for himself. While they sat, Taylor fashioned himself a sturdy walking stick and said that should help keep him from relying too heavily on the bad leg.

“We need a plan,” she told him. “We can’t just keep going around aimlessly.”

“It’s not aimless.” Commander Taylor assumed a stubborn look and set his icy blue eyes toward the direction they headed. “There’s a better equipped outpost comm wise, about ten klicks north of here. It’s our best chance to reach Shannon or Terra Nova. They’ll be looking for us but with nothing to go on, it’s a shot in the dark.”

Renée felt tempted to say that if they saw even the smoke from the explosion, they’d have a sense of where to find the missing persons. But she had a feeling saying so would send Taylor right back into the depth of his grief. In spite of how he tried to keep it from showing, the man had aged about ten years in the past day alone. It made Renée so sad to see him like this, also forcing her to accept this man was, indeed, far older than her. Still, holding him that morning while he cried, as natural as that felt, was not nearly enough. Renée felt there was simply not enough of her to try and even scratch at the vast sea of his grief. She had no idea what it was like to lose a son. Though she had grown up an orphan, that grief was different.

They started moving once the walking stick was finished. Renée was glad for it. Taylor leaned far more on it than her little useless shoulders and that was probably for the best. Although she did not expect it, their journey turned into an extremely scenic hike through the land. Taylor knew this place very well. When she commented on it, and the way he seemingly had this jungle mapped out in his head, he referenced having lived here and survived on his own for 118 days before the colony was established.

“That’s cruel,” Renée said. “Why would your superiors send you out here alone?”

“They knew I’d make it.” 

Commander Taylor quieted after that. Once, they made a slight detour as he told her there was something he wanted to show her. It turned out to be an immensely beautiful basin and the expression upon her face when she first saw it brought a soft chuckle out of him. She turned to him, pleasantly surprised.

“When I brought Lucas here for the first time,” Taylor said, “his eyes went about as big as yours.”

She understood at that moment the detour was as much for her as it was for himself. It was natural to reminisce while grieving and Renée did not push him when he spoke of his son. Taylor chose to reveal certain details, tell some stories. It was better than his silence, of which there was so much more. 

They had to camp that night, having walked only about three out of the daunting ten klicks. Their food supplies were starting to run low and Taylor said he would hunt for them. Renée strongly advised against it on a bad leg but his silence told her he likely would do it anyway. Another day came and went, fairly uneventful as they traveled near more gorgeous, sometimes dangerous parts of the jungle that could not be avoided when the path necessitated it.

That evening Renée told Commander Taylor a bit about her life growing up in the system in Chicago. She explained that her education was her ticket out. Even with her poor health, if she was enrolled at an institution, it came with health insurance. He did not open up as much about his life, but he listened to her well. She wanted to ask about Lucas’s mother and the awful things she’d heard the boy say at the portal, but Renée felt it was too soon to share such things.

They were about seven klicks in, on their third day since the portal, when the accident occurred. It was Renée’s fault, honestly, for getting distracted.

More than once, Taylor said to her, “Watch your step, doc.”

But she was in awe, looking over into the vast world of the cliffs, the rolling hills through which prehistoric birds flew lazily around. She should have been watching where she was going, like he was, like he told her. But she wasn’t. The ground gave way so suddenly beneath her, she forgot to scream until the very last moment. A hand shot out and snatched her arm.

Renée looked down from where she dangled and saw a long, rocky way. Her stomach dropped tensely.

“Oh, god,” she panicked, tasting dust, as little rocks fell into her hair and eyes. 

When she looked up, Commander Taylor lay flat on his belly, straining to keep her up.

“Hold on,” he said. “I’m going to use both hands to pull you up.”

Renée was terrified. The more he moved, the more it seemed like he was going to slip and both of them would fall. 

“I-I-” she wheezed, having a panic attack.

More of the ground on which Taylor lay gave way. Dirt fell all over Renée and she cried out, grateful for her glasses, but tasting plenty of earth. She dangled in the air from a dizzying height and everytime she looked down, a flash of vertigo left her woozy.

“Don’t,” she told Commander Taylor, scared he was going to fall. 

“Give me your other hand,” he said, reaching out with his own. 

Renée at first did not register what he said. Her palm was sweaty, as was Commander Taylor’s, his grip slowly slipping on her skinny wrist. He squeezed tighter and raised his voice. 

“I said give me your other hand, doc,” Taylor bellowed.

Instinct kicked in and Renée raised it. She looked up at him and could have counted the veins at his temple from the strain. Renée was by no means heavy. But the ground beneath Taylor was treacherous and what’s more, he was operating on a bad leg. His palm curled around her own and again, Renée felt her stomach sink. 

He was slipping forward little by little, and there was nothing for her feet to land on in order to try and climb. He could either pull her up and get her back to his level, with an immense stroke of luck, or they would both fall. Faced with such a thing, Renée did not think she could handle one more death on her conscience. Her hand in Taylor’s began to slip.

“Doc, listen to me,” Commander Taylor growled. “Don’t you let go, alright?”

His fingers slowly moved from the wrist to lock in her first hand and he tried again to pull her up. In a moment’s clarity, Renée reflected that he should have done the opposite, kept both hands at her arms, and tugged. His attempts weren’t going well, in spite of how he persevered. The commander was down to his waist by now and she couldn’t bear dragging him down any further.

“I can’t,” she said at last, tears streaming down her face. 

She looked up at Commander Taylor and felt incredible sadness, because for all that happened in her short life, she had hoped to spend a few years by his side, even if she was relegated to watching from the sidelines. Renée would have taken a life of loving him from afar over one without him. Because that’s what this was for her, wasn’t it? It was love, plain and simple. She had never really known it but, Commander Taylor stirred her soul in ways no man had before. It took this moment, when there was no sound but the wind, for her to realize it.

Taylor slipped, down to his thighs now, and grunted irritably. There must not have been anything for his own feet to dig into and he fought with this fact visibly, though he did not relent. His blue eyes locked desperately on hers, convinced he’d pull her back up or die trying.

“Hold on, doc.” Taylor bared his teeth. “You hold on.”

Renée shook her head and wept bitterly. She couldn’t do it anymore. “I’m sorry.”

Her sweaty hands slackened and, not wanting to bring him down with her, Renée closed her eyes and wiggled free, letting go. His shout rang in her ears: _No!_ Then a roaring filled her head. And then there was black.

For a long while there was nothing more than the darkness. And then eventually, there was a sound. Some kind of terrible squawking, a nasty twittering. When light entered her vision, it took Renée a long time to find that she was in the company of strange little birds. It was cold here and there was a whole lot of wind and wood. Her body felt like it was broken in a million places and trying to move was a nightmare.

She tried anyway, soon realizing she was in some kind of crevasse in the mountain range. That was good. At least her head hadn’t been split open on some giant rock. But she had to try and get up, get out of here, especially because she realized with alarm that she was in a giant nest. It was just her luck to think she was falling to her death, only to wind up in a large bird’s home. If these were baby pterodactyls, Renée had better hustle before the mother came to find an intruder. She could only imagine how their little beaks would pluck out her eyes, talons ripping off her tasty flesh. She was practically a free meal.

Her best chance was trying to crawl out of the nest. She scratched herself bloody on sharp eggshells but Renée managed to scoot out, with great difficulty, getting from wooden nest to extremely unpredictable rock crevasse. Renée literally dragged herself and when she wondered why on earth she felt so heavy, she realized her backpack was still safely attached to her shoulders, because she’d had the forethought to literally safety lock it to her waist. In case she fell off a damn cliff.

Renée wondered about Commander Taylor. While it was great to be alive in spite of feeling completely weak and broken-boned, there was a high chance she would die out here. If it weren’t the baby birds, it would be a carno, or a slasher, or one of the thousand other reptiles running around this place. The moment Renée found a grotte, she lay down and resignedly closed her eyes, thinking maybe the world would be merciful and let her die a peaceful death. Unfortunately she awoke at a time she could only presume to be the next morning. Three days could have passed for all she knew. 

Her throat felt raw and her lips were cracked, but moving hurt a little less today. Only a little. Renée unclipped her bag from her body and rummaged through it. It must have taken an hour to find the water bottle, thankfully still full. She drank a third of it, trying not to make herself vomit, and scavenged for food. Once she felt a bit more human, she did something about those painful cracked lips, applying a soothing balm which she normally just used before bed. She really had thought of everything, clever girl.

Next came the matter of assessing her injuries. She definitely had something broken but it took a painstakingly long period of time to assess just what. There were some sprains, a lot of general soreness and some tenderness to her head. But Renée didn’t have a concussion. She could count easily backwards, remember names, and had no trouble with the bright intrusion of sunlight in her little cave. Eventually Renée decided to spend the day trying to stretch the pain and soreness out of her limbs. She gave herself an X-ray and found the problem areas and for the most part, she looked after herself as well as she would have any patient.

The best thing to do that entire day was lay low and try to salvage her strength and supplies. She would run out entirely by the following night, even if she had meagre portions, which would be better than nothing. That night, she slept fitfully once she managed to squeeze in the warmth of her sleeping bag. The fall replayed in her dreams tragically, except Taylor always plummeted with her and she always had to watch him die a slow and painful death. Like Lucas had said. She was sad when she woke up, thinking of how he must be feeling. First losing his son and then Renée had to go and be stupid, get distracted, and let go of his hand.

She consoled herself that morning in the sleeping bag by remembering the look in his bright blue eyes. He was desperate to keep her hands, to keep her alive. He was going to do everything he could to pull her up, even if it meant going down with her. That was exactly what Renée did not want and, she felt she made the right decision. For him, at least. 

It took the better part of an hour to pack and get going. Mostly, Renée crawled to get around. Sometimes she had to drag herself on her belly but it eventually led her back up to the forest floor. Climbing the rocky pass was a terrifying experience. Renée didn’t think she could do it but the strength came from someplace she could not explain and, by the time she reached the top, her limbs were miraculously far more cooperative.

Renée found herself some kind of walking stick and trekked slowly through the woods. Maybe there was a higher power looking out for her physical state, willing her bones to work and mend while she strode. She didn’t know but, by that night, she was able to make herself a little fire and camp out in peace. A part of her hoped desperately that Taylor would see the smoke or something of the like, but she had no such luck. The following day, there was no food. Renée filled her water bottle at a fresh source and fasted. As long as she ignored the hunger, she was fine and her limbs continued to carry her forward. She was trying to figure out the direction Taylor had been trying to go earlier and could not for the life of her work it out.

For all her genius, Renée was very easily disoriented and terrible with directions. What a few days of solitude did teach her though was how to listen. And toward late afternoon, Renée had heard a lot of different sounds she did not like. It was unfortunate that she knew by now what it sounded like to be stalked by a predator. She may not have been able to identify exactly which reptile was after her this time, but something was coming. Renée was disappointed in the higher power she’d considered earlier. Honestly, all this, so she could become dinner? It was cruel and unusual, maybe even a bit twisted. And the worst part? She didn’t have anything to defend herself with, except for that stupid little stick.

Her stalker turned out to be an ancestral komodo dragon. Renée froze where she stood, hoping maybe if she stopped moving the thing wouldn’t see her and lose interest. It turned out not to work out quite like that and frankly, she couldn’t stay still for very long. At least the higher power had given her broken body enough strength to allow her to run. The komodo dragon was heavy but hot on her tail. Renée tried her best to escape but she was never fast enough and she cried out for help, to no one. Finally, her limbs gave out and she fell.

The komodo was closeby. She could hear the insistent thumping of its large paws making way closer and closer to her. Renée crawled up to a tree, wondering if the higher power left her enough strength to climb. She wouldn’t get to find out. The dragon was here. It roared something feral and approached its victim, ready to pin her and swallow her up. That’s when a second feral growl was heard and Renée nearly fell to hysterics. How many damn creatures wanted her skinny legs? But the sound was different. It was almost like the noises Lucas used to make.

Renée closed her eyes and decided whatever was meant to happen would come to pass.

“Down!” a voice spoke with authority. 

It gave another roar and then the air whizzed with the sound of something like a spear being thrown. When the woosh came again, Renée realized it was fire. And that voice, she knew it. The man made himself bigger, roared, and swung the flaming torch right into the dragon’s face until the creature retreated.

Completely out of breath from running, Renée shifted from where she tucked herself up into the tree. Commander Taylor’s face was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen at that moment. 

“Oh, thank God,” she sobbed immediately.

Renée staggered to her feet and went to Commander Taylor, expecting him to welcome her with open arms. She received quite the opposite.

“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?” Taylor roared.

When he was livid, Commander Taylor proved far more frightening than an ancestral Komodo dragon, a carnotaurus, and a slasher combined. His eyes were so full of anger and fire, Renée reflected she would have taken the dragon over the ire of the great Commander Taylor. All she could do was cry and cry, and all he did was seize her small shoulders and shout and shake her as if she was little more than a doll. At last, he calmed but only just, relaxing the insanely tight grip on her.

“Damn it Renée, I said hold on.”

She stopped crying very suddenly, as it occurred to her this was the first time in her life at Terra Nova that she heard this man say her name.

The next thing she knew, his mouth was on hers. Those hands, once so angrily coiled on her arms, slipped down to her waist as he took her in his arms. 

Relief.

All she could feel at that moment was relief in the safety of his embrace and in the warmth and fervor of his kiss. Commander Taylor pulled away after a long while and smoothed his thumb on her cheek. It was large enough to encompass a good portion of it and, in two deft strokes, he dried her tears.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t… I didn’t want to bring you down, too--”

“I’d rather you had.” He searched her face as a man scrutinizes someone they care about for injuries. “You really don’t listen, you know that?”

She chuckled weakly and another tear slipped from her eyes. 

“Yeah,” Renée said, “I know.”

All the rage she previously saw in his eyes was gone, replaced by something so tender, Renée could hardly believe it. She didn’t even believe that kiss actually happened until the bold man swept down a second time and took her lips in his. Butterflies danced around her stomach, the feeling so intense, Renée worried the tremors would travel across to him. 

Commander Taylor’s facial hair tickled her smooth lips but man, his mouth felt _so good_ on hers, warm and welcoming like his big chest, and that large tongue was as territorial as any carno they encountered. His mouth eventually descended on her curly hair and Renée closed her eyes, basking in the afterglow of their kiss, melting against the large palms enclosed over her cheeks.

They made camp early that evening, both relieved to be reunited. Taylor wanted to know what her injuries were and Renée gave him a brief version, not the full extent of it. She didn’t want to worry him too much though, if her body stopped working the following morning, she was sure he wouldn’t mind carrying her. Then she remembered his bad leg.

“How is walking?” she asked, jutting her chin toward the makeshift cast.

“Not easy,” he admitted, “but I can handle it.”

She did not know when he found time to set traps but Commander Taylor had fresh, skinned hare wrapped up in that bag and he made something pretty damn good out of it. Some kind of Tarzan he was, that’s for sure. At the end of their meal, when they were both satiated, Renée scooted over to his side and curled against him. The fire was great but it was nothing like a personal human furnace and she was happy to feel his arm around her once more. She didn’t know what the kiss earlier was, or what this little snuggle meant, but she chose not to question it and enjoy it while it was hers.

“I’ve been looking for you nonstop for three days,” Taylor said to her. “Couldn’t believe you just… let go.”

“I was so scared,” she admitted.

“Yeah. Me too.” At this, Renée sat up and eyed Commander Taylor. He withdrew his arm, expecting her to say something. When she didn’t, he elaborated. “I just lost my son, doc. And then you go falling off cliffs. Between losing Lucas and seeing you drop, I was reeling, and--”

The man went abruptly quiet and Renée sighed deeply. She understood what he was saying, even if a part of her was now dying to know just where he stood when it came to her. He liked her, she thought, but was there anything more?

“I’ve taken a lot of shit when it comes to Lucas,” he began somberly. “Since he was a kid. Didn’t help that I wasn’t around much but, when his mother died, I wasn’t there for him like I should have been.” Commander Taylor hung his head, fingers clasped loosely together. 

“How did she die?” Renée whispered, the time being right at last.

“We were prisoners of war. Somalia,” he elaborated. “When they freed me, they gave me a choice. I could only save one person.”

She shuddered beside him, in spite of the fire. “You chose your son.”

“They made us… watch as they killed her,” Taylor said, his face darkening. “Lucas has hated me ever since.”

Renée could not believe the horror of it all. The things Lucas had said, the way the commander confirmed them. What a horrible way to become widowed. She wondered if Taylor still loved that woman. He was still hurt by her death, that much was clear, but it stood to question whether he’d moved on.

“Terra Nova was going to be a new beginning. A fresh start. Once I survived out here, I couldn’t wait to bring him, show him what I had seen, build the colony together. But Lucas has always been troubled.”

Commander Taylor made a pained face and Renée touched his bicep in an attempt to console him and to let him know she was still listening.

“Lucas earned a reputation as the madman of Terra Nova after about a year. Nobody wanted him around, even though they wouldn’t say it. He drank so much...” He swallowed thick and turned to Renée. 

“Malcolm was never willing. I had to strong arm him into action,” Taylor admitted. “Finally, he says to me, ‘we have this really bright scientist in 2149, probably one of the last living geniuses and she’s dying. If we bring her here, she’s about the only person who can help Lucas’. It took three years to get you here.”

Renée closed her eyes at that, not realizing this had been going on for so long.

“You’re the only person that said you would help,” Taylor told her. “I told you some story but you still did what you could for him. That’s why when you fell, I couldn’t leave without finding you again, doc. You’re good inside, you really are.”

He sighed deeply and she did too, leaning her curly head against his arm. She was sad that she had not gotten a chance to truly help Lucas. The man was too far gone and had self destructed, a true pity, considering the brilliance of his mind.

“Lucas was the true genius,” she told Taylor. “I’ve studied everything I know. I’m good at memorizing things, but he was something else. You must have been proud of him.”

“I was,” Taylor bowed his head. “I never said it enough but I was. I regret never telling my son how proud of him I was. I regret not being there for him.”

Renée drew her head back up and leveled Commander Taylor, with his regrets at his age. God, it was so sad, she didn’t want to end up like this. His words spurred her to act. She did not want to spend decades sitting on what she knew lurked in her heart.

“I have to tell you something,” she said, returning her hand to her side. Renée adjusted her glasses, which were kind of broken, and fiddled with her fingers. “If I don’t, I’m going to regret it, Commander Taylor. I really am.”

“What is it?” Taylor asked with a frown.

She turned her eyes up to him, drew a breath and removed her glasses. It seemed like the most difficult thing to do until it wasn’t.

“When you told me over the cliff to hold on,” she began, “and I saw the look in your eyes, even as you slipped forward, all I could think about was how much I wanted you to make it. And…” Renée bit her lip and tried to calm the erratic pace of her heart. “And how I wished to be at your side for just a little longer. I felt sad because I thought I would die without the chance to spend more time at your side. What I’m trying to say, Commander Taylor is… I have feelings for you.”

Renée felt like crying again but this time, she fought the tears. This didn’t need to be weepy. 

“I realized, when I faced probable death, that I want to be with you. I don’t want to regret never speaking to you about it,” Renée said.

She felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders. Looking away from Commander Taylor, Renée toyed for a moment with her glasses and then put them back on. The man looked taken aback during her admittance and now, he was silent.

“Please say something,” she whispered to him.

“Doc, listen.” Renée felt a sinking disappointment at his tone and because he was back to ‘doc’, when earlier, she had been Renée, she had finally been the woman in front of him. 

“I trust you,” Commander Taylor said, “probably more than I trust anyone. But this… this thing you’re talking about, it’s--” 

God, was he at a loss for words. Renée could hardly believe it. Not that Taylor had ever been particularly eloquent but, like a bull charging at a target, he usually got his point across. Now he skittered around the subject like a cat. 

“It’s complicated,” Taylor went on. He shook his head and sighed. “I got the colony, the duties, and the burden of doing right by every single one of those people. And, I’m an old man.”

“Oh,” Renée replied stupidly.

“Allow me to give you some advice, doc.” Taylor paused and Renée braced herself. “Don’t waste your youth on me. I mean, look at me.”

At that, Renée turned to appraise him. She didn’t see an old man, not quite. She saw the man she cared about, the man she’d done something very foolish for, just so he’d get to live. She saw the man she consoled when he lost his son and she saw the strong, gentle man who was so relieved to see her again. 

“I’m done,” he shrugged. “You’re young. Intelligent. So accomplished. You got so much to offer, believe me I see it, and anyone who doesn’t is a damn fool.”

Renée scoffed softly and felt tempted to ask him why he’d kissed her then, why he looked at her at the edge of that cliff like she was his entire life. Had she gotten this whole thing between them wrong? But she held her tongue. She turned her brown eyes to the fire and swallowed the bitter medicine he administered.

“You must think I’m so stupid,” she sighed.

“No,” he said, tone firm. “I really think you’re an incredible woman, doc. And I care about you.”

Renée pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, worried she would cry for real this time. “I know my timing really sucks but I care about you, too. And I want to be with you. I don’t care how old you are.”

“I’m sorry, doc.” Taylor hung his head again. “It is what it is.”

She nodded slowly and felt the tightness return to her limbs. The interaction hadn’t gone quite like she wanted and she needed time to process. Renée announced she was going to sleep. Commander Taylor watched her rise in silence and she wondered if he knew that she didn’t sleep a wink all that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter of the fic :) The title of the fic, finally referenced here, was inspired by the Editors song (both versions).


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renée and Commander Taylor figure out their feelings for each other.

Renée couldn’t put into words how she felt that morning. She hadn’t slept, feeling every single ache in her body, and she was tormented by her conversation with Taylor. The way she understood it, he cared about her, but did not exactly reciprocate her feelings. Objectively, she thought some of his reasons made sense, even if she wished he had gone into more detail. 

Being the head of the colony probably made one less than ideal as a partner. Elisabeth had the same sentiment. The responsibilities alone would make it difficult to spend any quality time together and then, there was the danger OTG, and how often those kinds of missions could come up. Then again, where there was a will, there was a way, and she did not think a relationship would be impossible, provided both parties were equally invested.

What surprised Renée was the way he cited his age as a factor, urging her not to waste her best years on him. That sounded like fatherly advice and, while Renée appreciated it, she didn’t want it. Actually, Renée did like that he was older, though she had yet to figure out the sexy fossil’s exact age. Taylor seemed reluctant, almost like his age made him inadequate. She didn’t know how he felt but, Renée was certain about where her physical attractions lay. Taylor was it for her. Emotionally, he embodied so many of the things she longed for all her life, it seemed ridiculous to seek them in another man. Then again, maybe he just didn’t want her. But he hadn’t said that. 

Renée considered trying to reason with him that morning, or at the very least, understand his position better. But it felt like the air between them had grown incredibly tense and awkward and she wished to remedy it.

“Commander Taylor,” she began, her voice soft, after they’d been walking for about an hour. “I’m sorry if what I said last night made you uncomfortable. I wanted to let you know when you talked about regrets, but I can understand if it’s a topic you’d rather not bring up again.”

He turned on her a mildly impressed look, garnished with a sweet dose of pride.

“Don’t worry about it, doc,” he said. “I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings, though.”

She sighed and trekked slowly along the path. “You didn’t. Not exactly.”

“But I did something.” Taylor was sharp, quieting to let her speak her mind.

Renée tried to put it into words but she found herself growing silent for a few moments. The frown worked her brow as she collected her thoughts.

“I guess I just don’t understand exactly where you stand,” she said. “You said that it’s complicated and cited a few reasons. But you didn’t say that you do, or don’t want to give this a try. I keep coming back to that point and I just don’t get it.”

“I’m too raw,” Taylor admitted. “I don’t know what I’m thinking, either. To be honest, I don’t think I deserve you.”

Renée turned her frown to him. Being raw, after losing his son, she could understand. Time would ease that pain even if it did not fully heal it. But that last part on deserving her caught her off guard, if only because she had entertained the same thing.

“Is that why you said you’re old?”

“No,” he laughed, “I said that because it’s true.”

“You know what I mean,” Renée persisted. “‘Don’t waste your youth on me’? Seriously, who says stuff like that?”

At that, Commander Taylor grew thoughtful, as though he tried to figure out if he had used an outdated expression.

“You know, I felt attracted to you when we first met,” she told him outright, snapping him back to her. “I did ask myself if it was okay, if you were ‘age appropriate’ for me. It wasn’t until you shot me and came by to apologize later that I knew I was in trouble.” 

“Trouble?” Taylor grinned.

“Deep trouble.” Renée actually smiled at the way he seemed into being called that.

“Sounds like you’re talking about a carno, doc.”

Recalling how giddy she was then proved embarrassing now, so she said, “You’re the biggest crush I’ve had, in all my life. There’s not a whole lot when you’re sick or studying through a good part of it. I was so jealous when Lieutenant Washington came back.”

“Jealous of Wash?” Taylor barked a loud laugh. That caught him off guard, more than Renée admitting her feelings the previous night. “Really?”

“Um, yes. Have you seen her?” 

“She’s my best damn soldier. I’ve known Wash a long time but, no. I don’t want her.” 

Renée sighed sheepishly. “Don’t make fun of me. Can I ask you something?”

He shot her a look. “What is it?”

“The night we spent talking at Command Post, when you walked me home afterwards, were you planning to kiss me?” Wide brown eyes turned to look at him, dying to know the answer. “Just before that soldier came to get you at my door. Were you?”

Commander Taylor paused, trying to decide whether to answer the question. Renée almost screamed because the suspense was nearly killing her. She wished he would make up his mind already, seeing as she was pretty sure that night changed her life. That was the night she went from having a puppy crush to realizing, she could see herself with this man, talking endlessly about everything. That was when she began to care about him, even if the story which served as the basis for it was a lie.

“The thought did cross my mind,” Commander Taylor at last.

Renée caught his eye and gasped. So, he’d wanted to after all. Yesterday had been his chance, one he took advantage of with not one, but two smooches, with a third to her head. Just thinking of it made her blush. Commander Taylor chuckled, very amused by all this.

More loudly than she intended, she said, “Really?”

Commander Taylor said she was going to call on some birds of prey if she got any louder. Renée adjusted her glasses and pouted.

“I knew it. So, if it weren’t for Wash, you would have done it,” she mused.

“I didn’t say that,” Taylor replied.

“Oh, come on.” A small fist shot out to strike his arm. “You are so mysterious. Can you at least admit to that?”

“You’re dangerous with those bad boys, you know that?” Commander Taylor nodded at her fists, which she raised boxer style for his entertainment. “Could have used them to fight off the Komodo, save me a good stake.”

She was glad to bring out this side of him. It was a distraction, more than anything, from the doom and gloom of having lost a son and being in the jungle. Commander Taylor reached for Renée’s hand to get her safely across the stones dotting a stream. Once they made it, she noticed he still held on, their arms brushing as they walked. Renée could have forgotten they were in a jungle. She felt safer than before with her hand in his.

“I think Lieutenant Washington hates me,” Renée admitted glumly.

“She doesn’t,” scoffed Taylor. “She’s just territorial.”

“Of you?” 

“I trained her. Sometimes she’s a lot more like me than I care to admit. That’s why I leave her in charge of the compound.”

Renée mused on that in silence while Taylor told her some stories of him and Wash in the army. Once she really listened, she realized how foolish it was to think the woman hated her. Though Renée was fairly confident Wash, just like her, had a thing for this man. Women could tell these kinds of things about each other, regardless of where they came from or the circumstances of their upbringing.

The conversation moved to Lucas’s mother, when she was alive. Ayani Taylor sounded like a fine woman, as smart as she was beautiful, according to the commander.

“So, the great Commander Taylor has a thing for smart women,” Renée mused.

“‘Suppose I do.”

Renée hummed quietly to herself. She felt better, in a way. Not entirely satisfied but she understood now his lack of clarity was rooted largely in the fact that her time to confess was utter crap. It was also hard to tell just what time would bring. Taylor did like Renée. She could tell from his demeanor, once the air was cleared, but if he did not ultimately desire to be with her or, if he did not think it could work, she would be heartbroken.

They eventually reached the outpost, making great progress that day, and Renée was so incredibly happy to finally sit down in a chair. Taylor handled the communication with Terra Nova while she took some drugs for the pain. A Rover would arrive for them by dawn, if not sooner.

“Thank God,” Renée sighed. “This has been an adventure I will never forget.”

She rummaged through her affairs to try to get her sleeping bag, happy that the painkillers were kicking in. It was warm inside the outpost, which was unexpected but greatly welcome.

“Doc.” Commander Taylor had been sitting, arms crossed, observing her while she slowly went about her business. Renée looked up expectantly at him. “I never thanked you for the other day. You were there for me in a way not a lot of people have been. I want you to know it’s appreciated.”

Renée gave him a small but sincere smile. “You don’t have to thank me, Commander. It was the least I could do. When the man you care about is suffering, the only thing you want to do is try and ease the pain.”

They left it at that, with Taylor falling silent as he nodded at her words. Later, when he nodded off in his chair, Renée could not help but smile fondly at the sight he made. He was old, it was true, but in that cute and deceptive way. There was nothing old about him when he was alert, guns (of all sorts) blazing. But, with his chin on his chest, he was a whole other level of adorable.

The Rover came shortly before dawn and Renée was at the very least glad she had managed a bit of sleep. Her broken body felt horrible, but fortunately she was mobile, the shock long gone from her limbs. Boy was he glad to see Jim and Guzman.

“I’m sorry I ditched you,” she said to Guz, squeezing him tight, much to his surprise. “First and last time, believe me. I probably wouldn’t have fallen into a giant bird’s nest if I’d stuck with you.”

“You fell into a bird’s nest?” Guzman asked, sounding extremely skeptical.

“I think she’s more stubborn than Wash,” Taylor chimed in. “Doesn’t listen to a damn thing I say.”

Renée grinned cheekily at that and tossed her curls to one side as she climbed into the car. She leaned back, truly relaxed for once. Up front she could hear Jim and Taylor having a conversation, the Commander breaking the news about his son, Jim’s heartfelt condolences. They spoke about the portal, as Taylor admitted concern that it might need to be repaired, lest they be cut off from the future. Malcolm, the best engineer at Terra Nova, would have to take a look. Renée saw Taylor had kept his son’s strange box, which Lucas used to power the portal.

The sun rose over the mountains protecting the colony by the time they arrived, a glorious, golden sight. Renée and Taylor were taken straight to the hospital, where she hugged Elisabeth so tightly it hurt. The woman’s tears touched Renée’s heart, because Elisabeth said she worried deeply over her well being.

On doctor’s orders, Renée remained 24 hours on a bed, after the 48 spent putting her back together as best they could. Luckily, she didn’t need surgery but unfortunately, there was hardly a moment to check on Commander Taylor, wherever he was. Renée knew his leg had taken some damage and she’d done her best for him, but sometimes that wasn’t enough. By the time she was discharged, he was long gone and within a couple of days, back to business as usual, with his beautiful shadow following his every step.

Although he never made it publicly known, word spread in Terra Nova that Taylor’s son was dead. Renée remembered when Christine died that they’d held a funeral service at Memorial Field, Terra Nova’s small cemetery. She was unsure if it was her place to organize something but Renée knew that Taylor would appreciate a service for his son. Renée spoke to Elisabeth about it, who said Jim would bring it up to Taylor and find a way to make it happen.

The days came and went. She returned to work, seeing very little of Commander Taylor. He didn’t come to the hospital or the lab, save for when they had just returned, and a few days after to have a word with Malcolm about the portal. She wondered if he forgot about where she stood when it came to him. Every time she considered going to Command Post, something gave her pause. If Taylor wanted to see her, he would come. That’s what she told herself and it became painful as more and more time passed without a sign of him.

One evening, Renée almost gave in. Her heart was aching for his presence and she wanted to check on him. Maybe he was waiting for her, just like she was waiting for him. But then she told herself that she had admitted everything there was to admit. She could go see him but there was nothing more that he did not know, and the ball had been in his court for a good while now. Thus, talking herself out of it, Renée retreated home after work and thought about what she might make for dinner from her garden.

She found the old soldier waiting on her doorstep, head bowed where he sat deep in thought.

“Evening, doc.” Taylor rose with a grunt when he saw her, his leg clearly bothering him still, even though it had grown a lot better. “Sorry to drop in like this.”

“What are you doing here?” she asked, feeling anxious but in a good way.

He had come, after all. He wanted to see her, did he not? Maybe he could stay for dinner.

“Ah,” Taylor glanced about uncertainly. “I don’t know. Lucas’s memorial is tomorrow.”

Of course. Renée had nearly forgotten. The poor man must have been so torn up about it, on top of having to honor his son among people who clearly disliked him. It must have hurt and Renée easily put aside her selfish wants in order to reach out for Taylor. She took his large hand in hers and squeezed.

“Are you going to be there?” he asked.

“Gosh, of course,” Renée said. “I wouldn’t miss it. I’m glad a memorial is happening.”

“I know it was your idea, doc,” Taylor said. He huffed a soft, mirthless laugh and added, “Shannon told me after a couple of days. Why didn’t you come to me about it?”

“Honestly, I wasn’t sure how you’d take it.” She frowned, looking in his face in the dimming light. “It’s difficult and you’re still raw, as you’ve said. I can tell. And I didn’t think it was my place to bring it up.”

“You were there,” Taylor growled, but he sounded pained. “You saw him go. I tried to save him and I failed. I failed my son.”

Commander Taylor squeezed Renée’s hand very tightly, clearly on the verge of some emotional turmoil. Renée just wanted to comfort him, though she couldn’t do that on her doorstep. A warm meal and her willing ear would see him right. He could talk as much as he liked or just be silent. Renée would be silent with him.

“You should come inside,” she suggested, trying to tug.

She was met with resistance.

“No.” Taylor let go of her and, in a stronger voice, said, “I should go.”

His suddenness confused her but Renée knew she should not push. She stood by her door, looking disappointed, and waited for Taylor to make his move. For someone who seemed so determined to leave, he was taking a good amount of time to take the first step.

“I guess all those folks were right all along,” he told Renée. “What kind of father lets his son go like that?”

“It wasn’t your fault and you know it,” Renée said sharply. “I don’t know what this is supposed to be but I’m pretty sure you did not come to my doorstep so I could watch you feel sorry for yourself. You did the best you could for your son--”

“And it wasn’t enough.”

“And now he’s gone,” Renée said loudly, shocking Taylor. “And there’s nothing that you or I can do to bring him back. You have to make your peace with that, Commander Taylor. No one is perfect. Do not beat yourself over the head for not having been the perfect father to your son.”

He needed to hear that. Renée knew it from the look on his face. It wasn’t often someone told a guy like this to stop feeling sorry for himself and she could tell he didn’t take it very well. She tried a gentler approach, going over to him.

“This place is about second chances,” Renée said, her fingers rising to his chest, to his gun holster. “You didn’t fail Lucas. If you want to punish yourself by thinking you did, at least forgive yourself, too. Give yourself a second chance.” 

She looked at him so sincerely and fought every ounce of fiber in her body to prevent herself from saying ‘_With me. Give yourself a second chance with me, for God’s sake_.’

Renée might not have said it but Commander Taylor caught on, from the soft, concerned and accepting look on her face, to her hands on his chest. He snatched her wrists and threw them off, recoiling from her touch. Renée gasped softly, wounded by his aggression, and she stood at arm’s length from him.

“I-I.. I’m sorry—” she tried.

“I shouldn’t have come here,” he said sharply. “But I did and now I know why, doc. I had to tell you this thing between us is not going to work. We can’t be together. I’m sorry.”

Renée felt like a bolt of lightning had cut through the sky to smite her. She didn’t move an inch as Commander Taylor’s icy blue eyes shot her a final, dismissive look, before he stalked proudly away. Renée wasn’t sure how she was supposed to react, feeling ill equipped for such a shock. 

In all her life she had never come so physically and emotionally close to someone for whom she harbored feelings of love. Admitting them to Taylor, being able to wrap her arms around him and kiss him, was all so new to her that, his curt rejection after everything they’d been through was three times more painful than she ever could have prepared for it.

Somehow, Renée got inside her home and deposited her bag somewhere, marching straight for her bedroom. She stripped, monotonously switched on the shower to hot, and sat on the cool tiles. The water soaked her curls and mixed with the tears which flowed freely down her face, as she sobbed her heart out. 

When there were no tears left to cry, Renée scrubbed herself clean and downed a tall glass of water. She hadn’t forgotten about dinner, she just couldn’t stomach anything heavier. The woman crawled into bed, pulled up the sheets, and secretly hoped never to wake up.

That night she dreamed of the cliff and Taylor’s gaze fastened so firmly on hers, his hands gripping her tightly even though he slipped in his attempt to save her. Throughout the dream, one line kept recurring, sticking with her as strongly as his rejection earlier that evening.

_Damn it, Renée, I said hold on._

He’d asked her to hold on and she had not. She let go, to save him. Would she have been better off dead from that fall? Why had she landed in the place she had and from where had the immense strength to carry on come? Perhaps she was being far too dramatic even in her sleep but, Renée questioned why she lived, if it wasn’t for a chance with Taylor. She woke up in the middle of the night and rushed to the bathroom to go. When she returned to bed, her sleep was fitful and exhausting.

In the morning, it poured rain outside, in such a heavy manner no one at Terra Nova had ever seen anything quite like it in 2149. This was prehistoric rain, the relentless kind that could go on for days. She lay in bed for a long time, wrestling with herself about the memorial service for Lucas. Last night she told Taylor she would attend, of course she would, because she cared about him; now she considered not even going to work because this feeling of dejectedness was dragging her limbs deep into the mattress and right through the floor.

Taylor had very clearly said to her it would not work, he did not want to be with her. Renée asked herself why that should change how much she cared for him and it was a question she wrestled with for hours. It kept playing in her head, over and over again, just like all their good times had. Everytime she wanted to cry, Renée turned into her pillow and let the tears try and fall there. 

She didn’t want to shed any more. She felt so tired and so heavy. There was a big weight pressing down on her chest. It felt like a plant pot, packed full of soil and maybe with a small tree growing inside it, just sitting there pushing down where her heart was supposed to be. It was funny how this man made her feel like soaring one moment, with his lips on hers, or giddy with his hand in his, and absolutely miserable in his absence.

She eventually dragged herself out of bed and had another shower. The rain outside was making her joints crack for some reason and the bath water was lukewarm. Renée checked the time and saw there was only an hour to Lucas’s memorial, which meant she’d spent approximately five hours in bed trying to decide whether to go. She had some breakfast, drinking more tea and barely tasting the cereal. 

Renée told herself she wasn’t going, that she couldn’t face Taylor. But then she told herself she had to try and be bigger than this. She was in pain but, in truth, so was he about his son. If his pain was a fraction of what she felt, Renée had to make an effort to go. If she cared for him as much as she kept saying, she had to also set her own pain aside in order to be there for him, even if he didn’t want her to be there for him for the remainder of his life.

Renée felt like she’d aged at least five years but, she dressed in black, pulled on her rainboots and tossed a backpack over her shoulders before throwing on her long, waterproof jacket. Terra Nova had supplied her one when she arrived and whoever was in charge of those things must have really liked bright, wacky color, considering her coat was a soft baby pink. It threw off the entire memorial garb but there were bigger things to worry about. She was running very late.

She locked up her place after making sure at least five times that she had everything. Her intention was to stop by Memorial Field, which was unfortunately outdoors, pay her respects, and then head right to the hospital. At first she thought about offering Commander Taylor a kind word or two but, Renée didn’t think she could handle that. Her presence would have to be enough. She couldn’t face him after the things he’d said to her and she would need some time for it to hurt less.

By the time she got flowers and rushed over to the service, Renée was pretty sure she would be the last one to arrive. There were black umbrellas and coats everywhere. Renée looked so out of place. Even the soldiers have come wearing their finest, military dark. Renée stayed at the back, not wanting to make a fool of herself running around in pink, and she felt the rain beat hard on her covered head and shoulders. It occurred to her within a few minutes that she only made it to the tail end of the service. It was over before long and people were scattered after shaking Taylor’s hand.

Renée could see him from a distance. He was wearing a black, water repellent fleece jacket and his black pants with his combat boots. Still the soldier, but formal too. His greying head was uncovered and in spite of how the rain beat down on him, Taylor never stayed long beneath an umbrella when someone came up to him. Renée drew a deep breath and went up to deposit her flowers. With any luck, Taylor would be too busy shaking hands with people to notice her lurking. She completed her task and quickly made off in the rain. Renée could hardly wait to get to the hospital and out of the rain jacket and boots.

As she drew close to the hospital, the woman became aware of her tail, mostly because he called out to her and, in spite of how the rain thundered around them, she heard him. Renée would recognize that voice anywhere, whether in a storm or facing death by komodo dragon. She loved the sound of that voice no matter how much it hurt to know its owner would never be more to her than the leader of her colony.

“Doc, wait,” Commander Taylor said.

Renée halted and wondered why she hadn’t come earlier to the service. She could have showed up and then carried on to the hospital before she was discovered. Turning around warily, Renée saw that Commander Taylor was still standing there without any cover. The rain smoothed his silver hair and beard against his face and she could not quite decide whether it aged him more or less.

“You came to the service,” he said loudly enough for his voice to carry over the rain.

“I have to get to work,” she said, gesturing toward the hospital. “I can’t talk right now.”

“I just need a minute,” Taylor insisted.

Renée blinked away a few drops of water that made it past her hood. “Well, can we get out of the rain then?”

Taylor didn’t make any sign of consent or refusal. He just stood there staring at her, the rain soaking him completely through. His jacket had gotten so tight from the water, Renée could have sworn she saw the outlined muscles of his body through the fabric. She was reminded of an old dream she had, early on, of herself in the rain and of Taylor calling out to her.

“Commander Taylor, you’re going to catch a cold if you stay under the rain another minute,” Renée said, “and if you don’t, I definitely will. Can we take cover so you can tell me whatever it is you stopped me for?”

“No.” Taylor set his hands at his waist and looked around, showing his teeth like he had no idea what the hell was going on anymore. “No, this can’t wait, I just-- you need to hear this.”

Renée braced herself. She felt so tired, so incredibly heartbroken and sad to have to face this man again. And now she needed to hear something. 

“I’d say I’ve heard enough last night, don’t you think?” she shot back, a lump rising in her throat.

“That’s what I wanna talk about, doc,” Taylor said. “See, I think I got this whole thing all wrong. All backwards and messed up. My son is dead and I couldn’t even give him a proper burial. His mother is dead. Everyone I ever cared about, they end up dead. When you looked me in my eye and told me you wanted to be with me, I thought, ‘maybe, she has a deathwish’.”

Renée frowned at him, trying to work out if that was supposed to be funny. “Are you forgetting that I fell from a damn cliff?” she shouted.

“I’m not.” Taylor advanced crossly. “I told you to hold on, Goddamn it, and you let go.”

“Because I didn’t want you to die!”

Their shouting competition drew a crowd inside the hospital. They looked through the glass doors and windows as two crazy people battled it out in the rain. Renée’s face slowly grew soaked, tears and rain mixing.

“I spent three days looking for your body,” Taylor said. “I let that explosion take Lucas and there was no way in hell I was going to leave you, too. I was expecting to find you broken. I don’t know how I was going to deal with it, but I wasn’t leaving the jungle until I found you.”

“What do you want, Commander Taylor?” Renée asked wearily. “You came all the way to tell me last night we can’t work, you and me. So, what is it I need to hear?”

Taylor lapsed into his stubborn silence and Renée felt like screaming. Sometimes getting anything out was like pulling teeth with this guy. 

“I have been nothing but clear and honest with you,” she said. “Never in my life has there been a man I care so much about, that I can hold in my arms.” 

She made a fist, drawing close enough, and struck his shoulder. “You stupid, stupid soldier. You have no idea how safe I feel with you. It’s like I’ve finally come home, my real home, for the first time,” she sobbed uncontrollably. “And you can’t even put into words what you really want to say.”

“I can’t,” Taylor agreed, not recoiling from her blows, but seizing her wrist. “Because I’m scared. Alright? Is that what you want to hear? I’m scared out of my mind of what I want.”

Renée didn’t know what she wanted to hear but Taylor’s grip on her wrist was strong. No way she’d wiggle free out of that one. His words gave her pause. When she looked up at him, it poured rain on her face and got her glasses so messed up, she could barely see him.

“You don’t listen, doc,” Taylor said. “That’s your problem. But I need you to hear me right now. I’m scared of this and of what’s going to happen. Lucas is gone. Ayani is gone. I don’t want you gone, too.”

“Tell me why,” Renée pressed, not sure she was hearing Taylor right, not sure any of this was really happening.

“Because I lied to you again, doc.” Commander Taylor loosened his hold on her and inched closer. “I want to be with you, so help me God, I do. I care about you and I have feelings for you, too.”

“What are you saying?” Renée asked him, not breathing properly. She ripped off her glasses and though she could not see him too much better, it was an improvement. “What are you saying Commander Taylor, wh-what-”

“I let my son go this morning,” Taylor answered. “I let his mother go a long time ago. And I realized there is nothing left for me to lose. This fear that’s holding me back, it’s… I can’t let that win, Renée. I want to be with you. I want to try and make this work… if you’ll have me.”

_If you’ll have me._

If, he said, as though there was any doubt in Renée’s mind. The foolish man had been incapable of truly admitting to what he wanted and he waited until it poured rain, to speak it. Renée and Commander Taylor certainly shared a knack for poor timing, that was for sure.

“I can’t believe you think there’s any doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t--”

Before she could finish her sentence, Taylor kissed her full on the mouth. Her hood slipped from her head and let loose her curls. The water drenched them generously and her body was drawn up against Commander Taylor’s, in spite of how thoroughly soaked to the skin he was. The onlookers at the hospital exchanged smiles and even clapped a little. It was the sound of their cheers, growing increasingly louder, that made Renée reluctantly pull away from such a life defining kiss. She turned to the hospital and immediately wanted to disappear.

“Now can we get out of the rain?” she asked Taylor.

In response, he smiled softly down at her and pulled her hood back over her hair. There was nowhere else to go except the hospital where she was initially headed. Entering that place was the most mortifying experience of all her life -- and Renée had literally fallen from a cliff! All the doctors and patients brought their hands together and continued that stupid clapping from earlier, like they were in on this entire thing. 

What was worse was Taylor! The man proudly acknowledged their praise by lifting his palm and Renée even caught him clapping along with them once or twice, like this was some kind of play which the audience and actors were all quite satisfied with.

“Alright, settle down,” Taylor said. “I’m sure you folks got a lot of lives to save.”

“Yeah, considering they just ended mine,” Renée said under her breath, scurrying away to the staff room in order to change out of her jacket. 

She saw Elisabeth right along the way and they shared a private smile and a quick squeeze of the hands which could only mean one thing: _‘I want all the details’._

Taylor followed Renée to the staff room, tracking water all over the place, but since no one said anything about it he hardly seemed to care. She was still a bit frazzled with the whole thing and took off her jacket to hang near the drying umbrellas. Then, she fetched a towel from her locker to tousle the water out of her locks. Commander Taylor, dripping wet as he was, only ran a hand over his hair and beard, and watched her from his corner.

“Don’t you start sneezing,” she warned him while she dried up.

He smiled softly at her, like a big weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and kept his blue eyes on her. Renée went to him after a moment and lent him her little hair towel so he could pat himself dry a bit. He only got his face and neck before the towel basically became useless.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Renée took the towel to hang someplace it could dry and, while she fetched and donned her white coat, she asked him what he meant.

“For not being honest with you sooner. I regret it and I’m glad I came clean.”

She went back to him and leaned against a locker.

“You hurt me last night, but,” she paused, “I’m under no illusion that this is going to be easy. I do want to be with you and spend time by your side. I know you have the colony and all of that but, if you are willing to try, I will give you all I got.”

Commander Taylor nodded slowly. “I’m willing to try. I want to make it work, too.”

“Well, good,” Renée sighed happily. 

How strange emotions could be, how easily they could change within a matter of minutes. Commander Taylor cupped her cheek and stroked it gently. Renée didn’t realize he had more things to get off his chest.

“Tell you the truth, I’ve had my eye on you since that day at the lab,” he said smoothly, showing his teeth.

“The day your radio scared the life out of me?!”

His grin widened as her surprise deepened. The sneaky bastard. All that tormenting and ‘I’m old, don’t waste your youth’ nonsense, only to admit he’d been checking her out this whole time.

“What can I say?” Taylor replied, “you’re a smart, accomplished, and beautiful woman. You hit all three in one strike. And you’re not afraid to tell me what I need to hear. I can respect that. I knew from day one I didn’t stand a chance.”

“But you do,” she said to him, after recovering from the shock. “It took some drama but, here we are.”

“Here we are,” Taylor echoed, finally leaning down to kiss her.

Renée decided she would never tire of that feeling, how it filled her with warmth and safety. That’s what it was about him, how safe he made her feel. It was a feeling so paramount, nothing could compare to it. Renée realized for so many years alone, lacking the shelter and love of parents, she’d felt the most unsafe, and it was only when she met Taylor that she was able to identify, at last, what her deepest heart’s desire was. 

She knew this man could care for her in the way she craved, she knew he’d look after her and protect her, and she knew in turn that she would look after him, in all the ways he could not. Renée couldn’t be certain but she was optimistic they could have a bright future together.

“I’ll let you get to work,” Taylor said, withdrawing from the kiss.

Renée must have had a big, happy smile on her face just then, because it drew on his laugh.

“Before I go,” he said, “I have to ask you something.”

She didn’t know what to expect but she stood alert and adjusted her glasses, which were thankfully dry.

“Will you have dinner with me tonight, ma’am?” Commander Taylor asked.

“With pleasure, sir,” she laughed. “How very formal.”

“Yeah, well,” he said, “I’m an old fashioned kinda guy.”

Her brow rose. “Who kisses a lady before the first date?”

“Technically, this will be our second date,” Taylor pointed out smugly. “First was after I shot you. Besides, I did save your life a handful of times.”

“I saved you from falling down a cliff,” she quipped.

“That you did.”

As much as Renée did not want the moment to end, Taylor made off after they settled on where to have dinner. Not to her surprise, he wanted something home cooked again, and Renée was more than happy to oblige. He was nearly at the hospital exit when he sneezed loudly, doubling over with the force of it. Commander Taylor turned and shot Renée a look which she returned disapprovingly, in a half hearted, wide-eyed, _I told you to be careful_ way. She supposed a tall order of fluids and plenty of rest was on the books for that evening, after pesto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this chapter was a joy to write. It’s the last chapter, with a very short epilogue to follow.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Taylor and Renée manage to make a relationship work so well, they eventually marry and have three children, born 85 million years in the past.

If asked, Renée would say it took about a year of dating Commander Taylor for things to get a little less weird in Terra Nova. People, once they became aware of their relationship, and saw that it was moving steadily along, had a lot of opinions. Some days early on were difficult. It was rare for Renée to go a day without somebody making some kind of remark, either about Taylor’s age, or her age, or her ulterior motives, and any of the other useless things people liked to gossip about. Renée would say she was ill equipped for dealing with people’s opinions, at first. It was Taylor who taught her to turn the other cheek, regardless of how nasty the remarks would get.

Things inside their personal bubble flourished ever since the night of Lucas’s memorial. Commander Taylor hadn’t been kidding when he said he was old fashioned. He was a gentleman, especially when they chose to go out to enjoy a meal or some festivity at Terra Nova. It was true that his duties ate up a large portion of his time, but Renée could see that he committed the entire rest of his time to her, even when there was nothing special planned. Her favorite things were the surprises. One day, Taylor went to the research lab and pulled her right out of work (much to Malcolm’s alarm) so they could go hiking OTG. It turned out he had a picnic all planned out and Renée was just glad to be out of work and away from any cliffs and carnos.

They went fishing another time and she learned this was one of his passions. Renée had no idea Commander Taylor liked to fish so much until she realized he tried going at least once a week, which meant he began to ask her fairly often to accompany him. Of course, Renée always agreed and, even if they did not catch anything, it was always a sweet opportunity to spend time with the man and get to know him more deeply. There was so much more to him than she could not have imagined and at times, Renée felt privileged to be invited within the maze of his mind. Taylor had lived a life far more interesting than her own and it was the experienced that turned him gray, not to mention his age, which he learned at last was only fifty-five.

She did come to see over time that she was right in thinking he would look after her. He taught Renée how to defend herself and shoot. When she eventually turned out to be a pretty good shot, Taylor had looked extra proud of himself and her both. To Renée there were two versions of this man. There was Terra Nova’s Commander Taylor, the figure, and then there was Nathaniel, who was solely hers to adore. He told Renée no one ever called him Nathaniel anymore. Only ‘sir’, ‘Commander’, or ‘Taylor’.

“Oh, I can call you ‘sir’ if you like.” 

That time, they both thought it was a joke. Then Renée wound up doing it once they began to sleep together. Their first time together was her first time, period. Renée didn’t think she needed to tell him. He knew, in that way he knew certain things she needed without her voicing it, but also because she had been more than clear with him about how special he really was to her as her first and only everything. He was attentive to her ease the first night. Once Renée grew more accustomed to it, and all of his bounty, ‘yes, sir’ became a very common phrase.

She was careful that first year together and asked Elisabeth to administer her a contraceptive. But after a while, Taylor admitted to Renée that it might be nice to have a second chance at being a father, if he could. Renée didn’t see why not. Her heart was set on Taylor and she loved him. Kids had crossed her mind, of course, but she wanted Taylor to broach the topic considering he was the older of the two. Renée had another decade at least to be able to get pregnant and for once, it was nice not to be one whose biological clock was ticking out slowly.

Thus she became a bit lazy with the contraceptive and she and Taylor agreed that if it happened, it happened. Well, it did end up happening, but not before something quite unplanned occurred. Commander Taylor, after spending the perfect day OTG with Renée, got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. She gave him a big smile and teared up before agreeing. Renée didn’t want a fuss of a wedding and she didn’t want to wait overly long either. They agreed to do it in three months, purely because it would precede the arrival of a new pilgrimage, always a stressful time at the colony.

She found out she was pregnant about a month after she wore the engagement ring. Taylor was elated, moving through the colony with a newfound purpose that was very similar to what possessed him when they finally got one the same page about their relationship. They wed, a beautiful and simple ceremony, with Zoe Shannon and other endearing little children serving as flower girls and ring bearers. Elisabeth told Renée she looked happier than she’d ever seen her. 

The new pilgrims arrived once the portal was fixed and settled in. Within the end of nine months, Renée delivered a strong, olive skinned little boy. The moment he opened his electric blue eyes, Renée knew he would take more after his father than her. She asked Taylor if he wished to give the baby Lucas’s name, but the Commander said it was unfitting.

“You pick the name,” he said fondly. “I know you’ve been thinking of some.”

“I have,” she admitted, cradling the little thing. “I wanted to give you the honor, because I know what this means to you. This second chance.”

“I’m going to do better,” he told her, “do right by him. I give you my word on that.”

So, Renée named their son Edward, like the poet, and Taylor loved him fiercely, often doting on him. As far as Renée was concerned, her husband’s appeal factor shot through the roof after Edward’s birth. He was the Commander’s pride and joy, a fact Taylor made known various times.

They bore two more children after him in the years that came. A pretty little girl, Etheria, and another boy, Eustace, both curly haired and brown eyed like their mother. These, the children of a new civilization, fulfilled Renée and Commander Taylor more than anything they’d ever accomplished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love a happy ending and it’s such a pleasure to have finished a fic started and abandoned 7 years ago. If you’ve had a look, and managed to forgive my utter ignorance in medicine/physics/chemistry, feedback is greatly welcome! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! For more, follow me on tumblr [@aalizazareth](https://aalizazareth.tumblr.com)


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